today, i saw

a million things that used to be.

i saw the pavement breathing hard in the mist of

rain, tears filling the dark spaces and the

cracks, where

so much water once welled up and ruined e ver y thing.

what i had to do was:

listen to the coolness,

that unseasonable pressure on the points of

my desolate cheekbones. feel

my eyelashes just brush my skin,

and in between looking i had to see,

and in between seeing i had to look.

things were just fine,

it           is                  okay.

we see the shine and sparkle of tall buildings and we are all tempted

to forget the slap of bodies against water and pavement, the hopeless way that

people curled up and died.

But if you look closely, if you turn your

head away from the sun and look out

across the crystal city, more clear than ever, if you open your eyes —

you will see that today,

the pavement is crying.

Will You...
Will you... One day remind me...in your own words of love...
Will you... One day... come forth with an army and brings these walls crashing to the ground...
Will you... One day.. Peal back this armour...
Will you...One day.. Return what was lost to me...
Will you...One day.. Bring these dead roses back to life...
Will you... One day.. Bring me back to life.. and embrace me with your loving arms and remind me what it is to be whole.
Will you... One day..
ac/ 10/15/02

Hide and seek,
I take a peek,
you come so near
then disappear.

I see your smile
but in just a while
I'll hide away
for another day.

the game I play
is truth and dare,
I've worn it out
like an old worn rag.

I don't know you,
you don't know me,
I wont tell
but I actually care.

It's a shallow life
and a shallow dream,
alluded hope,
illusion love,
you're not actually there-

My million pretty faces on an empty fake pedestal.

You weave through my life
like a dream
turned nightmare
turned dream
turned nightmare.

Time is so ****** short to waste it on *******,
Cant you see I'm trying to find you?
How high must I build my castle?

How is it that you're so illusive and far away-
but your scent fills the room
and chokes me with sweetness?
I hate this incessant soppiness!
Argh!

My crazy obsession I try to lie and hide so well-
But it's written on my face in flashing neon colours,
desperation is so ******* unattractive!

Where in heavens name can I find myself a cheap plastic heart?
That doesn't breathe
or feel the need to heal?

If you want money I'll buy you.
If you want freedom I'll lie to you.
If you want a bicycle-
well I'm not really into cycling but I'll see what i can do.

I see so much fear in your eyes-
relationships shipwrecked-
and now you've made your mind up about the facts of life.
You've become the rock of Gibraltar-
tough as nails.

You're scary-
ready to weather any storms-
lonely-
but I still know you're soft inside...

You're just choosing the lesser of two evils-
well for now at least.

I know you still cry for your dreams,
stories that make you long,
but then you remember.

Hey! I get just as **** scared.
I mean, who burns themselves time and time and time again
without changing their formulas on life?

I do.