I Drink! - to blot out the world,
I Drink! - to make sense of the pain.
I Drink! - to forget of my misfortunes,
I Drink! - to suppress the insane.

I Drink! - as life dealt me a meaningful crack,
I Drink! - as I am as low as I can go.
I Drink! - as no one could love me,
I Drink! - as no one would stoop that low.

I Drink! - for I need courage,
I Drink! - for i need the reassurance of man.
I Drink! - for to blot out the voices,
I Drink! - because I can.

Sheila..

My mind tries to reason why,
I am climbing up the stairs.
And when i finally get to the top,
I forget why i am there.

I stand and try to remember,
But the picture is very vague.
So i turn myself around,
And go back down again.

At the bottom i remember,
Why i tried to climb the stairs.
I was going up to heaven,
To leave my soul up there.

Sheila.

The room grew still
As she made her way to Jesus
She stumbles through the tears that made her blind
She felt such pain
Some spoke in anger
Heard folks whisper
There's no place here for her kind
Still on she came
Through the shame that flushed her face
Until at last, she knelt before his feet
And though she spoke no words
Everything she said was heard
As she poured her love for the Master
From her box of alabaster

And I've come to pour
My praise on Him
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And I dry them with my hair
You weren't there the night He found me
You did not feel what I felt
When he wrapped his love all around me and
You don't know the cost of the oil
In my alabaster box

I can't forget the way life used to be
I was a prisoner to the sin that had me bound
And I spent my days
Poured my life without measure
Into a little treasure box
I'd thought I'd found
Until the day when Jesus came to me
And healed my soul
With the wonder of His touch
So now I'm giving back to Him
All the praise He's worthy of
I've been forgiven
And that's why
I love Him so much

And I've come to pour
My praise on Him
Like oil from Mary's alabaster box
Don't be angry if I wash his feet with my tears
And dry them with my hair (my hair)
You weren't there the night Jesus found me
You did not feel what I felt
When He wrapped his loving arms around me and
You don't know the cost of the oil
Oh, you don't know the cost of my praise
You don't know the cost of the oil
In my alabaster box

The echo of light, once more fades into the night
And the dark once again is upon us devoid of life
Candle light shining the soft glow of false sun
giving hope, and comfort with it’s sparkling light

Warmth is absent, in the cold dark of the night
shivering under the blankets given by those that care
shun not the beggar in the street
Circumstances have placed him there,

The rain starts to fall in his make shift world
Every drop a step nearer to the end game
As he dreams of better times he had
His heart aches, as the daylight brings more of the same.

Sheila

Many Roads i have traveled,
To see the way of the mankind.
Many lives i have lived through,
To satisfy my mind.

Each time i walk the journey,
To find what it means to me.
Every time i live a new life,
It's never what it appears to be.

The many lives i have been through,
The end is still the same.
Returning back to the home world,
And living my life again.

A better understanding,
Of what it is i must do.
I know were i am going,
It's to get back home to you.

No matter how many times i live this life,
To expand my horizon alone.
I know that you will be waiting,
So i think i will go on home.

Sheila..

I never understood why my mum was to tired,
I often wondered why she fell asleep in front of the fire.

I could never understand why she yelled all the time,
why I occupied the naughty step; I claimed it as mine.

She always seemed in deep disrepair,
and seemed only always when I was there.

But she looked after me, and fed me,
made sure I was fine.

And I only understood my mother,
in the fullness of time.

I am now a mother and always tired,
kids in bed, I fall asleep in front of the fire.

I have yelled and naughty stepped my kids for sure,
more times than I can remember and still they want more.

But I love them and care for them,
and make sure they are safe.

And when they have kids and they are just fine,
they will understand me in the fullness of time.

Sheila..

It's rather easy to
shine in the light,
But to glow in the dark
that's just magic!

Keep the light in your soul
and then the dark
won't seem so scary....**

Sheila..

When you spend so long living in the dark
You'll do anything to run towards the faintest light
Being a big size is miserable
Always in pain..

Can't do anything on your own
When pain has destroyed your life
And made living imposable
It can take something just as painful to restore it.

Sheila..

The glass lake’s surface is broken
All reflection is splintered by waves
Blackness and menace take over the sky
Bullying blue composure away

As clouds fight and argue for dominance
Thunderous exchanges are made
And stabs of white spear lightning
Attack the silent innocent trees

The force of nature ever more intense
Begins to pummel the surface
Of the once glass like lake
Forcing the trees to bend under it's will

Glass lake of tranquility unmoving
Now peppered with dark charcoal dust
The eagles though cautious return to their game
Cloudless sky, clear of nightmare once again

Sheila

When the sun descends from view,
Can our love be so warm and true.
I love you dear, as heaven knows,
Sleep brings dreams of sweet repose.
All you are is the sweetest rose,
Night time fades as the daylight grows.
With care, read the first word in every line,
You will there a question find.

Sheila..

Crystal clear waters,
A cool gentle breeze.
The quiet of the ocean,
Where life lives and breathes.

The rain starts to fall,
One drop at a time.
Then more and more,
To create a tide.

The white water falls,
And kisses the sand.
Like the soft touch,
Of god's gentle hand.

The beauty of the sea,
It is willing to share.
And gives of its life,
With love and tender care.

We sit in wonder,
Of the mysteries of the deep.
Then leave it to grow,
With restful sleep.

Sheila..

Entry...
It's Sunday 20-7=2008 Rainy with a hint of sunshine.
Dear Diary
There are lots of things to write about,
I'm not sure where to start.
Could start at the beginning,
A man broke my heart.

I forgot my money for the bus,
I snapped a heal as well.
Lost my key to the front door,
And my hair looks like hell.

I've got a date for later,
A man I have fancied for a while.
Must try not to make a fool of myself,
So I'll sit, and listen, and smile.

I really have to go now,
Cant wait to meet my Danny,
So bye for now dear diary,
See you tomorrow, "Love Annie".

Oh My God! it's back again,
I am sure I killed it yesterday.
Quick get the swatter from the cupboard,
Before it inflicts any pain.

Just look at the size of the ******,
I think it's grown a meter or two.
The swine! it's heading in my direction,
Quick I'll bat it over to you.

There it is! just, "**** It"
"Oh my God" it's going to get me this time.
That's it I am off out of here,
You can deal with the swine.

I am not going back in there,
Unless my head is covered with a cloth.
I really hate the little monsters,
Those flapping flying Moths...

Christmas spent alone remembering brighter times,
Cuddled on the sofa with me and mine.
Children snuggled in bed dreaming with glee,
about all the presents under the Christmas tree.

A light sprinkle of snow just starting to fall,
fire burning bright all cosy and warm.
the twinkling of the decorations as they catch the fires glow.
not long till morning now.

I wake cold and in pain,
looks like I fell asleep on the chair again.
Dreaming of decorations! but no Christmas tree,
no warm sparkling fire to comfort me.

No body want's to know when you get old,
just a forgotten old lady sat in the cold.
I wonder what happened to those good Christmas times?
sat under the warm blanket waiting for Christmas to arrive.

Sheila.
18-12-2014

The feeling of loneliness I must contend,
The knowing that the stares are those of despise.
Every bite is scrutinized by disapproving eyes,
Making me feel guilty for eating to stay alive.

They look upon me as an outcast,
A freak to make fun of when ever they like,
They don't see the hurt in my eyes.
Saying I should only be let out at night.

I am no different than the next person,
I have feelings the same as you.
Just because I am different,
Doesn't mean I don't want love to.

If only I was skinny,
And all my clothes fitted me skin tight.
I would sway down the high street,
Instead of waiting for the dead of night.

Persecuted because I was born different,
A few extra pounds here and there.
I know what people are thinking,
She's eating in public! How dose she dare.?

Sheila.

Falling on to the ground,
I crumpled in despair.
I know that you are gone for ever,
No longer to be there.

Your face, is in every young man i see,
Your walk, your hairstyle, your smile.
Thought I saw you, in town today,
My heart skipped a beat by a mile.

You were young and loving,
Had a family, a wife.
Four beautiful children,
Such a perfect life.

But your time had come,
And you went home.
And you left your family,
All alone.

Good memories we have,
Of you and your smile.
And our memory of you,
Will last a long while.

Sheila

A great big thanks for being there,
To tend to all my needs,
The friendly talks the endless walks.
The Fuss, the Fun, the Feeds,

I am always groomed so clean I gleam,
Kept free from doggy germs,
You aim to please DE-flea my fleas,
Wage war when I have worms,

They tempt me with tasty treats,
I never have to beg,
And if i howl you sometimes scowl.
Like when I fancy your leg,

It isn't all one sided though,
There are things I do for you,
Like greet you with glee so hard,
I wee, Bark, blow-off, and poo.

I am a man locked in a cell,
Not a slave; not a free man.
I am trained to fight, trained to ****
A man trapped in hell.

My cloths are simple and *****,
And the food is tasteless, bland.
A bowl of slop, is all I get,
That is all that is put in my hand.

I am trained to fight to stay alive,
From hour upon hour.
Until I can hardly move a muscle,
Or until I can hardly stand.

But I will be free one day,
To live the life I deserve.
To fight for freedom, and my right to live,
To put my family first.

I died to save the people from slavery,
And my bones were burned to dust.
But I live on in history,
My name is Spartacus!!

Sheila..

Distant drumming of the thunder,
Calls my soul back to mother earth.
Tiredness overwhelms me,
I have lived my worth.

My old feathers are worn,
My war paint faded and cracked.
My mount, is old and beaten,
The old ways are not coming back.

The eagle flies in preparation,
For my flight to the land of shadows.
I see my path before me,
My life's journey only borrowed.

The rain cleanses mother earth,
Washing away the stain.
The years of damage man has done,
Has become a weight of pain.

Mother earth is now calling me home,
To join my soul with hers.
I will live no more forever,
And help replenish the earth.

Sheila.

Nails painted but cracked and repaired,
makeup applied but new on top of old
clothes appear clean but with a musty old smell
her hair loosely done ******* with a scarf
once had a style and has seen better days,
she wanders into the bar she has entered so many times
looking for that one person to make her reason rhyme
but the barman reminds her in the fact she is bard
and ends up on the street where life is hard
no one cares about her drug filled abuse
she will wander the streets until her death has an excuse..

Sheila
27-11-2014

Who do I turn to? if I don't have a friend?
Who do I turn to? when my wits are at an end
When I need a shoulder to cry on, and no-one is there,
Who do I turn to? when no-one seems to care

When I'm too busy, and I haven't got the time,
Who'll be there with me? if there's no-one there to find
When I need to tell my story, who will lend an ear?
Who do I turn to? if nobody wants to hear

When I feel lonely, who will remind me of home?
And be the only one there; when I am all alone
When I see dark days coming, who will be my light?
The one I can turn to; when I've no strength left to fight

Sheila.

Breath life into your dreams,
And store them in the tower of your fantasies
In the shadow of the moonlight
Let your light shine bright and steady
Spread your wings and dance your magic to light the way
To every fantasy that the mind can understand
And live in the moment,

In the night air, i hear your soft flowing wings
Beating against the cold damp dew of the coming morning
Your solemn beauty shines alone until you meet in the night
With others that shine so bright
And light the way to the magic of the tower,

In the tall shadowed abyss of the blackness
Is the night and the moonlight shimmers so
That your bodies reflects the mysteries
Of the light and
In this dark and lonely place the bright Firefly dances
And leads us all into our own fantasies of the night
And the moonlight tower.**

Sheila..

Just thought I would write a letter,
To tell you how I feel
I know you think me feeble
But that's part of my appeal
I know that I haven't been the best parent
And sometimes I can be a pain
But given my life over
A would give birth to you all over again
Being a mum isn't easy
There are lots that I have to learn
But to get the respect you need from me
Sadly you have to earn
So when I moan that you neglect me
And I am in need of attention from you
Just remember the time I have unconditionally given
And all the things that I did for you...

All My Love
Mum...

My dad decided to leave us,
But before he left “he said”
I don't want any tears for me,
I just want laughter instead.

“I know” you don't want me to go,
And left up to me, I would stay.
But I have been called back home,
So I must leave you today.

With that my father left me,
and my heart turned to stone.
the only way I can speak to him,
Is with gods telephone.

So every night, I sit and pray,
And talk with my dear old dad.
And remember the times he made me laugh,
And the fun times that we had.

So goodbye dad “I love you”
Thanks for the laughter and loving home.
memories we share together,
When I use gods telephone.

Sheila.
Miss you dad.

Why is your face all wet mummy?
Why are your eye's all red?
I am here to comfort you mummy,
Put a smile on your face instead,

If i surround you in pure love,
As long as i am here,
Will you stop crying mummy?
Now there is nothing to fear

Although you can not see me,
I will hold you in my arms,
I will surround you with all of my love,
And keep you safe from harm,

See now mummy; I can run and play,
I can shout a million miles,
And i would walk to eternity and back,
To see one of your smiles.

Sheila

Seven in the morning,
and I am walking down the same path
I have used for what seems like always.
Here I can lose myself in the power of nature,
and become all the ways, and all the days
that it has taken to grow this oasis of my mind.

The quiet and the bird song, filter the noise of suburbia,
And takes me to a place that society cannot reach.
here I can be me, can be who, and what ever,
I chose to be.

No stigmas, no front face to show,
just my own self being true to the world.

I can listen, without straining to hear,
I can smell, the fresh dew on the leaves.
I can close my eyes, and know I am safe,
I can join the many creatures in the wonder
of knowing I am free,

Free for my soul to escape into the dream,
of  knowing that when I am on this path
the world is mine and no one can ever take it away
Until I reach the gate at the end.

Sheila.

God give me strength,
To fight the powers that be.
God give me strength,
To stop the attacks on me.

I never asked for the beatings,
Or the kick to the stomach I received.
I only wanted to please him,
I didn't try to deceive.

It really wasn't my fault,
I tried to make things right.
I don't remember picking up the knife,
making me fight for my life.

Now I am in virtual prison,
For trying to protect my own.
And my loving violent husband,
Will no longer be found at home.

Sheila.
20/11/2014

I was born with a sense of humor,
That has got me into so much bother.
I try to be good, like my mother told me i should,
But come on "Pull The Other".....

I know that i laugh, when i should be serious,
I know that i laugh when i should be sad.
I know that i laugh when someone trips in the street,
And lets face it a pie in the mush is so sweet.

OK i will be serious,
I will try to act like an adult.
I will conduct myself in a proper decent way,
And be a miserable ****** as a result....

Sheila
19/11/2014

He bravely went and asked her to dance,
A blush lightened up her face.
He held out his hand to lead her out,
His heart quickened in pace.

The music played a slow waltz,
He kept to the rhythm in time.
His thoughts ran away with him,
If only she was really mine.

As the music slowly halted,
He showed her back to her seat.
The thought swam around her head,
Oh my god! how sweet.

His pace quickened as he walked away,
His stature now elevated and tall.
Asking the teacher to dance with him,
Is no bother at all.

His mates all started cheering,
His triumph is now complete.
He is so darned relieved,
He didn't have two left feet.

Sheila
19/11/14

I have a paw on my nose,
as I try to have a lie in.
I have a purring in my ear,
as I turn over to ignore.
soft purring and needing in,
the middle of my back.
make my muffled cry's,
of stop it! go unheard.  
when it stops I relax,
and drift off back to sleep.
then all of a sudden,
Meow, meow, meow.
A cat wanting breakfast,
is a fearsome thing to behold.
looks like I am well trained
I consider myself well told.

Sheila
17/11/2014

It's imposable to catch the wind
or stop the rain from crying
To stop the birds from singing
or stop a child from lying.

you cannot catch the wind
or prevent the rain from crying
The birds will always sing
children will never stop lying.

Just lie back and enjoy
the journeys life long ride
you know your on the right path
when it brings a tear to your eye.

Sheila..

She has beautiful flowing hair,
she picked buttercups
and held them under my chin
to see if I liked butter
and in my pocket!
the daisy chain I made for her hair
and a worn out lollipop wrapper
hair clips she refused to wear
and her favorite little kinder toy
It's wonderful being a Nana
I can relive the joys of her mum being young
and the times of my lost youth..

Sheila
12/11/2014

I have been a child and a teenager,
I have been a young desirable women.
**I have been married, and divorced,
I have had children! and I have lost children.
I have grandchildren, and more...
but now I am a grown up oldish women
and I still have no idea what life is all about.
Please help me to understand,
What dose life want?
Sheila.
08/11/2014.

Who am I kidding! I know that I can't write the words,
I think I can; and I put them together
But I know that they are nothing
They mean; nothing.

What was I thinking of,
Why did I think I should
To me words are meaningless
I am a failure to ever think I could.

This is not what I am meant to be doing,
All my life I failed in the things that I try to do
So this is just one more failure
Add this to my list along side you.

What am I?
What is my purpose in this sad and lonely place?
Did I ever have all that I wanted
Yes I did! the moment I saw your face.

Sheila..
8/11/2014