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155 · Dec 2018
Helm
Shayla Ahrns Dec 2018
I thought I found a way through the darkness
I thought that inside of the grief I was holding was a boat
In the the middle of the ocean
Setting out like it had never felt the cold, crisp, blue water below it’s body
And the boat would rise its sails like white flags in the night, all alone
Breathing hushed breaths
As to not wake the old beast swimming circles around its heart
But how foolish, how cowardly
To silence your own love
Love that could swallow a ship whole
That’s what I would tell her,
The floating boat
All alone in her ocean
Breath louder, next to the rising and setting sun
Find your space in this giant world
No matter how big your grief feels
You are not a sinking ship,
It is spiritual to get the boat out of the bottle
Breathe louder
Break free
153 · May 2019
May 3
Shayla Ahrns May 2019
It is only 50°
But I left my windows down
I want to feel the cold air whipping
In my hair
Like your hands
And the air smells like fresh cut grass
It is refreshing, crisp
I feel safe
I want to remember the words
“The strength to carry you”
Advertised across a long haul truck
Speeding by me
And this time last year
I would have thought to carry you
To make you love me a little longer
But now, this year, look how far I’ve come
With arms growing so strong
From the weight of me
I had the strength to carry me
And I made it here
The sky is gray today and I almost wore the shirt you loved
I changed quickly
Tugging it over me, like you once did
This time though, this time I thought
I want to keep me in love with me
Nothings going to hurt me baby
151 · May 2018
Enough Love
Shayla Ahrns May 2018
I am no angel when it comes to loving right
I have gone to hell and back just to forget
How good we could have been
“But I love you, I love you...so much”

The sky stayed blue
And your face never lost color
Like my world did

And my god, how heavenly it felt
To feel your breath move
Inward and outward

But my god how heavenly it felt
To feel my pain move through me
Reminding me
That even a brief love
Is enough love

                                                             s.a
141 · Jul 2018
Bite Me
Shayla Ahrns Jul 2018
I am softened at my core
Not being touched the right way
Long forgotten
Bruised by something that was supposed to be love
The taste of you is ripe in my mouth
Did your fingers leave this mark
Or is it pieces of us seeping out of me
Like sweet juice that used to drip from my fingertips
Nothing here could grow
Nothing good
Not even in the heat of the summer sun
When I am hungry for love
The orange, yellow dream of love
That could have been
Should have been
I have long buried our dead seeds in the earth
You can bite right into the center of a sweet peach
But I won’t let you turn me rotten
Everything dies, everything dies
Even the purple, blue ache of my heart
Freeverse heartbreak breakup love ache peach sweet growth selflove

— The End —