It's the burden in my brown eyes.          
Gives me away
I've developed this act for you
Everyday formulating idiosyncrasies
Cool,  calm,  classy and clever
That's what turns you on
Yet,  my brown eyes give me away
I exude a quite confidence
Never letting you see the cracks
And when you pull away
I pull away farther
You hate that and I love that it always draws you back in
Every now and then though
You catch me in a gaze
I forget everything
The game stops
And there's a silent revelation
My brown eyes give me away

My English Professor says that I am not that good of a writer. I should have known by all the garbage I lugged around with me. Espousing it here and there. Trying to lighten the load. It's better to accept it I suppose. Not everything can be good. It'***** and miss. If I throw enough **** at the wall some of it is bound to stick. He said, "You can only be as good as the stuff you read." Maybe I should read more good ****. Any suggestions? I like to read Bukowski. He says Bukowski is trash. I really don't care what he thinks. I'll be happy with a C. And hopefully, a degree one day. He reads The New York Times and rambles on about politics. I read trash and I don't talk very much. I'm too busy thinking about liquor and women. Usually one at a time or one in particular. I work, go to school and come home to play mediocre superdad or distant husband. I wonder if I'll get that degree. I wonder if I even really care anymore. And if not, then why? Maybe there is some fateful reason for all this. That's what people like to say, "Everything happens for a reason." It sure feels good to think like that. Seems that way.

Vacation
From a life
Pathway procrastinator
Advanced destruction
Psychological decimation
Can I ever come back from this?
Started with a glance
Lust envelopes the both of us
Unjust love
Infection no medicated protection
We become our obsession
Quickly regressing
Life to the point of tears

I shredded my notebooks
Or burned them
I wrapped the past
In plastic
For your protection
It's better to keep such things
Inside
You were right about
What I write about
Too real
Too hard to read
Or to ugly to see
To think about
Those words
Crawled out of place
From my mind
To my hand
To your face
I have no meadows
Or gardens to show you
In here it's never Autumn
The lights are all out
The nights are attacked with regret
Sleep is my escape

It's keeping me up tonight
Wondering what you'll
Say tomorrow
Another dagger to my heart
Or perhaps worse
Nothing at all

The alcohol is helping me
To write bad poetry
Perhaps
That's better
Than the nothing
I write
Sober

We've armed God to the teeth
Ready to **** indiscreetly
Through his
Favorite little sheep
We rabble babble on
Never forget
The power of
The tower
The Babylon of freedom's
Worthless lie
The ignorant that curse
This land
The first to fight
The last to think
This worldwide
Disease of thoughtless homicide
No peace
        No not on your TV
No
Not on your flat screen
HD **** machines
I scroll habitually
Programmed emotionally
Can't stop reacting
Stroking that enormous
Ego
Blood flows wherever we go
Spreading that capital
Anywhere habitable
Masters of our own destruction
Racing to the end without reluctance

Sleep seems
it will be kept out of reach
Another night closer
To that place on the beach
I gave you the wheel
I gave you the keys
All you had to do
Was find your way to me
there is only fear
An illusion, we both know
It must be my turn to steer
I know just the way to go
There must be know looking back
I will not turn around
There is a place for the past
let it rest deep in the ground
I know that we can get there
If we both hold on tight
Through this darkened tunnel
Somewhere there is a light
They said it wasnt fate
that it was simply wrong
Too many hearts would break
If we chose to write this song
Oh how we resisted
how we tried to turn around
We closed our eyes and hearts
But still could feel the sound
Of our song

In the absence
Time
A face expressionless
Without desire
The space black
Avoid pathos
A void
Repeat
Unspoken
Pale thoughts
Lacking
Emotion
Devotion melts away
The lava of thoughts
The destroyer
Distributes
Words and phrases
Too soft to hurt
Too quiet
To see
Too weak and rare
To assemble

There was but a short
Important moment of clarity
Hiding underneath
What at the time I recognized
Only as defeat
My timing couldnt have been worse
I rushed
I wanted
I feared I was wasting time
When I was merely
trying to force the tomorrow I desired
Patience
Calmness
Faith
I had lacked
Now I do not fear
The inevitable moments to come
I quietly rest
I know
Tomorrow is just another step
Tonight's purpose
Is to let the fire spread
Even if I do not feel
The warm caress of the flames
Even If I do not hear the song
In your voice
I will let time
Burn the embers of resistance
I will wait
Patiently
I will prepare
For the storm to dissipate
I have chosen a place
In the sand
To watch the sun rise

Three decades
Lost in this maze
Of dirt road
Clay and grated soil
Underneath
Grandpa's Oaks
Branches hang over us
Like the arms of Ghosts
The unknown parts in between
The cities and towns
With names not large enough to
Fit on maps
Another microcosm
Of sociological problems
The constant chaos of
Lives crashing into each other
At speeds history
Has never
Seen

An unending quest for peace
Im letting go of trying to please
All the wrong people
All the wrong people
This is no one's fault
This is all on me
I try to escape myself
Wish I could let it go
All the wrong people
I smile and waste all of my energy on
You seem like a pleasant, wonderful and strong human being but I cannot relate
Im just trying to escape myself
In you
And you deserve better

Perhaps,
And I say perhaps
Because I truly do not know
Anymore
I expect
The coming damage
You've trained
My heart to beat to a rhythm
That is no longer
Mine to control
Perhaps
And I say perhaps
Because
It conveys the last
Moment of hope
That I have for us
Your lack of lyrics
Your lack of courage
Your lack of Compassion
Perhaps,  I should have seen this coming
Like this hurricane
That everyone else
Is prepared for,
I'm prepared for
A much worse reckoning
But perhaps,  
I am wrong
Perhaps this storm
Will spare me
Perhaps your heart
Will wake up tomorrow
And know

Little blue and smooth
Goes down easier than it should
Cure the consciousness
Nothingness feels so good
I say im sorry
Don't worry
It's nothing
Please don't be mad
All I want to do is sleep
It's not so bad
Yeah I'm just overthinking things
So goodnight
So I'll see you in another quiet peaceful place
Where I am free

Some times you need to stop, realize
You've been driving blind,
Take a moment of time for reflection,
Reset yourself in the correct direction,
Let go of those obsessions that have clouded your perception,
It's so easy to doubt yourself
When you won't settle for less than perfection,
Trying to fit in to someone else's vision within their pupils,
Get lost in indecision,
The fault lines of my scruples,
Don't let the foundation of your core self
Be set only on trying to procure more wealth,
Everything in due time,
Find a moment to remind
Your mind
The reasons why you try,
Your specific intentions
And that life is worth it,
Remember, "Don't be so ******* yourself,  nobody's perfect. "
Scars are just life's art,
The night stars in your eyes
Are purpose

Awaken with a song playing in my mind
"you're the reason I'm still holding on"
Shaking off the blurry interference of absurd dreams
"With the vampires, baby
We belong"
The consuming smiles of loved ones
capture me in memories
"you're the reason Im still up at dawn"

Recovery is best practiced cold, quick
Our atomic collision
Was your invention
Infidelity
A melody soulless and sick
For the dark ones to mix
My hands are holeless, homeless
Friend

Carry over
More than just damage
Pieces of shattered dreams
Remnants of me

Wasted tick tocks
Automatic hands
Praying for the white noise
Whispers to block the constant
Reminder
I must be still
And still awake
I burned the ticket
I learned my place
I used to court angels
Now I just wait
I am still
Hypnotized
By the rhythm
Those robotic hands
Automatic set
Seconds of selective regrets
Conscious continuum
Subliminal reset needed

I can clean all the dirt off
You can pull out the weeds
Some flowers will grow
In the places we see
But I can't help but feel
That none of this is real
Say nothing
It's better to let the silence comfort us in times of uncertainty

Her eyes break the silence
In my mind
                 There are sirens
To fill this place out
Ive memorized your face
This is unhealthy
I place your face in
Precarious positions
This intimate emersion
                  This rare inertia
A system of push
Pull me almost close enough
To hear what you are really saying
But for me to survive
              Must hide from
This energy
           Time for work

The occasion called for goodbye
The anticipated day of their imminent separation
Penciled in thoughts that she could not say
A folded up love letter
Demanded closure
A slight of hand
Last time
An uncertain wave
A sip of bitter realization
From the lips of yesterday
She saw through his smile
Deep into the hollow shell
The former home of creation
To the shallow eyes of submission
Clawing through layers of freshly painted on make up
The kind of mask that won't come off

You use your words
To break me
And you don't care
And that's okay
I'll never ever listen
To another worthless
Word you say
I'll smile through the pain
Never ever
Let you in again
You used me
Just to feed your ego
Foolish pride
I'll never let you see through
These shitstained eyes
You've got everything
And all I got were lies
So I bid you farewell
And don't you worry girl
I'll never tell

Tear away my skin from you
Was a habitual dilemma
Sell your skin as canvas
Still and bleeding ink with *******
I can't find the drugs
Dear rugged dangerous angel
Where do you find your purpose
Fear the hammer
Sudden thud
Reality
Ashes,  dust and mud
Clean your wings
Those pretty painted things
So you may fly
Without resistance

How can I break out that piece of my heart that has now absorbed your image?

Another night of liquor
A bottle gone to my despair
of drowning out the thoughts with music
That **** the silent air
She knows somethings wrong
She knows im weak in spirit
She hears it in the songs
She reads it in the lyric
Another day of duty done
The bills are paid in vain
My brother says just carry on
So i carry on again
I write another drunken prose
With words so simple i compose
A verse, a curse, a wishful spell
To break the monotony of this hell
Nothing special
Just a mess ive made
Another song
For another day

Not composed
And no composure
No more love for
Or sense of closure
Wont bring you roses
I attract these vultures
When one door closes
My window opens
Releases the smoke in
To the breeze
A calming motion
I shun emotions
You evoke them
Im done and hopeless
Too much of your
Hopeless potion
Has me chokin
I let go then
You just keep throwin
All the flaws you notice
Walls keep closin
Eyelids refuse to close and
Pupils remain focused
Penetrated my dialated
Heart is still broken
Your ego needed strokin
So i fed you my soul
You devoured what was left of me
to empower your shallow self esteem
So wasted the time
Forgotten moments

I'm struggling to place the faces where and when they're supposed to be
But is it up to me?
I don't know anymore
We ran right into this
And everyone is waiting
To see how it all will end
I'm no better than you
You're no better for me
Stealing moments away
Through the cracks in eternity

"Can we just... Stop?"
I hear the echo
Stretch and wrap around my thoughts
These weren't words that escaped
Your lips
But they were there
Floating around in the air between us
Yes,  
I can stop.
I can stop
Calling you
I can stop
Because although it's taken me longer
Than it should have,
It's
Better
For me to let go
Of everything I thought
You could be

Reading through these Strangers'
Poems
I realize
That this is where the lovers
Ride their hearts
Into oblivion

I dont know how you do it
So natural
You give all of yourself to things you know will fade away
I brace myself
Knowing, I'm one of those temporary things

Last night i lived
I found my heart racing
Lost in the city
I peered deep into the darkness
Possibilities endless
Ceasing only when my own fear conveyed itself
But I kept going
And I found myself
In a theatre
Searching for you
And when I finally found you
I lost all words

I'm up before the sun chases all the stars away
Overwhelmed by all the vows that I must break
My arrogance and greed have brought me to this day of great deceit
But what now of the karma I must reap?
She looks at me like someone from another time
Like I've slipped through the cracks of my other life
Narrow my focus now to her
But what becomes of all the hurt?
I'm not ready to decide I'd rather just sleep and hide I cannot stop my mind from lying
I try to steady my hand as I pen this plan, but I just scribble out demands ******* I'm trying
Who am I kidding?  I asked for all of this with a grin,  each and every little sin,  it's better if she knows that I am not worth a single tear,  not one for a single year of this decade we'd built together.

Her house was right in the center of town
Between a church and a flower shop
I must have drove right passed her a thousand times
But some summer day came
We collided
Our lives crashed together
Chaos in the midst of hurricanes
A smile arose out of the concrete sadness
The faint sound of laughter in the distance
A lover's stare
A formidable opponent for the comfortable and known
A curiosity corrupts my tainted soul
We smoke together
Laugh together
Eat together
Work together
Bleed together
Runaways in no particular direction
A sacred uncontrollable
Obsession

That feeling
That hopeless, neurotic sleep-depriving feeling,
That sick starving
That destructive hunger
For that which I cannot have,
For that Angel
The dark-winged one from my dreams,
You'd know
  If you had merely a glimpse of her gaze or
   You might
  be lucky enough
To hear an echo of her
Voice
She's the dangerous one,
  She's the humbling muse for
Which I kneel to the cross of
Her sacrifice

I was naive, there is no doubt.
I just hope this doesn't hurt for
very long. I was always the good one.
Always making sure that they had what they needed. That they were comfortable in this work.
One day about six months ago
she walked in.
A smile that would give me goosebumps.
A voice that would increase the speed in which my heart would beat.
I made it a point to never hit on her.
I wanted her to feel comfortable.
I immediately put aside any idea of being with her. Then one day I started noticing the little hints. The cute things girls do when they want something more. I hesitated to rescend her advances. And she brought it on pretty **** hard. I should have known better. She got me hooked right through the heart. And I'm bleeding internally

An illusion.
That's what they may call it.
If you were to make the sky turn colors, put the stars out. Watch them fall like rain drops never to crash.
In space the gods are lonely.
Looking for some signs of life.
Searching the limits of our sight.
For that one sign.

Message in a plastic digit brought me into your garden this morning. Color scheme bright life sun succubus hidden down a dirt alley beyond the church just past the funeral parlor.
Trouble. Surrounded by angels, temptation petals and keyphrases. Lonely. House meant for a family. The sadness underneath your permanent smile. Is this why she can't stop? An awkward goodbye paused caught in a smoke ring. Eden, maybe Ill see you around.

I couldn't memorize the scriptures
Words get caught in between my mind and my mouth
I murmur worthless phrases
When my blood feels like static
Underneath my skin
Seventeen Sundays and you come to visit me
It's always been too hot here for you
But I've always felt safe next to the fire
A wave of silence between us
Always comes crashing in
Drowning everything that could have been

You were that green blanket.
I slept with on the couch.
We were poor and I didn't care.
It was the only life I knew.
Coffee mug through Television glass.
I still carry pieces of shattered aftermath.
I was the baby. Youngest of four.
My brother the keeper kept my eyes
fixed on the door. A broomstick to the window and out into the storm.
We were runaways
On rainy days
We'd find our place
Our escape
           From the storm
From our broken handlers
Bullet hole filled soul
Of our father
            Taught that life was anger
And comedy
And pain
And sadness
             Blindfolded battles of epic
Telekinetic brotherhood
             Black eye light bulbs
Putting our heads underneath the pillow
So we don't have to hear anything
Pretending to be asleep
            Watching wrestling
Like it was the only thing that mattered.
            Going to church with grampa
And gramma
        Her hand would shake back then
But she would always smile

You'd think by now I'd fix the flaw
I'm not wasting time
I'm never minding
The falsified feelings that were spawned
I'm getting over
And letting go
I think of all the ****** things about you
Wrap them around this image
This new vision i will use
Nobody's perfect
Just because your face is flawless
Doesn't mean that you'll get everything you want
Redefine my purpose
Just because my place is haunted
Doesn't mean ill let your ghost walk through these walls
I'm getting over
Letting go
Like you think you wanted
Like you think you know
But who knows about tomorrow
You'll probably change your mind
But by that time I should be fine
Or ill just pretend to push you aside
I see you almost every single day
There's got to be another way
Another wasted phase
A rush of curiosity
So i must not repeat
The words still lurk between
Blue eyes that hypnotized me

set foot on the road out of nowhere
Never mind which way you go

I thought I might have been dying
And then some good news
I'm not
Now if I can only figure out
How to live
I'm a factory worker
Yeah
I should have listened
To my sister
A dropout
Keeping droplets
Disgraced in a jar
Can't replace all these scars
So they're on display
Disguised as an art

To burn the trust built
Years of struggle
Just to find contentment
Still
In silence I escape

They say money
Makes the man
Inside of these walls
There is no plan
I've built these boundaries
You cannot get in
Days all run together
Cannot find my desire
The bonds I have severed
Just the ashes of my fire
And I could not find the strength
I merely reveled in the pain
The all consuming silence
Serves as my reminder
Of everyone
Of everything
Of all the time
I have lost