The sand slipped out of my hands
Bit by bit
Holding on to you
Feels like
A heart in closed fist
It’s paining
More, if I let it go…


Dreams came crashing down
On all sides
While silence prevailed
In the shatters
I grew weak
Bit by bit
In my love

Woke up in the morning
Got ready to dress
Put on the shoes that you loved
Got out the shirt you liked
Went on hanging around the eating place
That holds your memories
Bit by bit

And I lost my appetite
And you
Just empty spaces
Drained, Bit by memory bit
And I lost my self too

The stars are coming closer
Over the sea
And I find you walking down the waves
Waving to me
How the stars have fenced the sea

Come sit next to me
I remove the space between
“Come walk with me
These moments”
So that they leave foot prints in me

No man has said this before
No one has
Fluttered your heart
No one has loved so much
Yes no had asked me before
How I love

What do I do
Sleep is playing tricks with me
I am dead now
Now I am dreaming
That you love
Now you are leaving

Throw a little dirt
Cover it with your laughs
I am lying awake
In my piece of space
Six feet deep in earth

Death is acceptable
But what do I do
Its not coming
Before that
Your pain happened

So the Sun moved on beyond horizon
But the bright shadow of Love
Still clings on to me
Long after the setting Sun


Yes, I agree
The light moved on
From Sun Rise to Sun Set
Bound by desires and duties to perform
Some times to the birth of a life
Some times
End of another


But Some times ....
Some desires remains
Attached to you
Like a Shadow
Not willing to cast you away
Tattoed to your soul
Like a bright sun spot
Willing to move on with your soul
Till the end of the life...
Willing to move on ... with you

Some times, love remains eternal within you
Even when the life moves on.

How it feels
When each strands that held us together
Starts breaking.
One by one
With every twang, another strand looses
Its bonding with the rest of us

One by one
Each one breaks away
From the memories
The touch
And the belongingness
Like some one plucking
Petal by petal
Loves me, Loves me not
While the flower, in the process
Dies a slow death.

Wish you were here
Holding unto my arms
A promise of loved future
and a dying breath
How it feels to lie down slowly
In the loneliness
Of timeless
Fading depths.

Sands of times run out, grain by grain

From our clasped fingers and shaking hands.

It feels so lonely - The softness of dying breath.

The point of view of the young lover in the movie "The reader" where Kate Winslet plays a **** guard to a prisoners camp... and her 20 years in prison. This verse is the young lover's thought, who finally let her go, when he meets her first at the court house and then again at her release day... and she committed suicide at the end of her prison term, when he comes to pick her up.
________

I let her go
Where I could have changed
Changed her destiny
Can I live with it


I could not
And took the role Of "The reader" again
To let her live
And Outlive my shame
Of letting her go
And she did


How I let her go
To die alone
In her pain Again
She took
The memory of her
Out stretched hand
Unheld in my hands
As the kiss of death


How small things
Change and grow
In that void of cell
To burn "a desire"
To learn and communicate
To me, through my voice
Ringing in her head

How big part
I was
Of her life
And
How I cleave it out of her heart
In the end


How she held on to
The last straw
Of my reaching out
Again
How things change
How people change
And
How cowards like me
Let her go so quietly in pain
In vain

Holding your thoughts in my heart
Emotions flutter like the butterflies
Moving from one feeling to another
I feel your electric surge in my soul

Like a exploding warmth
Like an enlightenment exprienced
Like the skipped beating of heart
Your smile makes me smile, sadly

I move away from you
Begin to walk - to the raging sea
Fenced by the lonely stars
Moon envelops the darkness of the night


You are looking so lovely
As you drift apart
That I could not feel, how painful it would be
To continously hold you in my heart

After you have gone.

The moments between the blink of eyes
The moments between the thoughts
And memories
The moments between
The hug and warmth of care

Are the moments
When love says I am here.

Love me when I am around
Love me when I am not
Love me when I lost my self in your love
Love, love me

When i am not in love

The sound reaching out to me from the sea
Is not what I desire
Or even want to hear
But still it reaches out to me
Through the open window
Of the high rise building, where I am enclosed in
And trying to live and close
But still the Window remains
A window out to the sea
That I can not close.

Even if I try hard or desire harder
As
The window glass that I broke
The other night
In frenzy of what remains of my desires
Unbroken, unfulfilled.
In the stupor of alcohol induced passion
And the call of the stormy night

The window remains just a window
Nothing more and a lot less
Glassless, desire less and view less
To the open world.

Still I didn't hear the cry
Or the sound of waves
Pounding on the beach, few hundred yards away
Still I let my heart break into pieces
On the breakwater
That walks out
Few hundred yards deeper into the deep sea
And I see
The waves breaking against it
A break out from the prisons of earth
Out to the sea
Try as hard as waves might
Could not stop breakwater from moving in depth
And deeper still

Then Why still
All the time the Sea calls me?

Is it free from stopping, bonding and holding

The Breakwater free from breaking me?
Does it want me to come
Merge in her depths
Just like the path that sinks in her
After few meters of walking along, with me.

Or is it just a sign - an omen
Of my solitude
All alone
Like the sea
Even though Rivers, clouds and the horizon
Sink into her depths and be within.


Why? Why?
She is not with me, now
When she was with me
Long lives ago
("Long time" if you will!)
And she is not coming back to sink
Into my depths of desires, needs
Or in my intense pleasure
Or, my darling,
My watery grave with me.
_____

The roughness etched on the waves
Like scratches of nails on my Face
The drops leave the foaming sea
Like the sweat drops from my body

To merge in your passion
And in rhythmic creation
Your sighs
And cries, meet
The lashings of the waves
on the beach, like me

And
then the cloudburst
and I am still wet

Rain, Rain
Rain lust again
Brings out the desires
Of wet drops
Slithering down the spine
Touching the crevices
Of passion

Easing out the worst
From the ***** shell
Digging out the best
Of tarnished soul

Touch me with drops
Of your love
In mouth full of salivating lust
A touch that desires
The shortest distance
Betwen my soul to yours
Lips to lips
While tongue of sinful pleasures
Gropes in the darkness of enclosed mouth
Blindness of our souls

Rain Rain
Wash out the lust in me
And cleanse my soul
With desireless
Wetness
Between entwined legs
Between writhing souls
Fighting for a space
In the chaos
That is mind, my soul mate.

Anchored in Karma,
Chained to the past
Life tries to break free
From darkness that is lost

Among memories that were forgotten
Among things that were not done
Among friends that were not made
Among roads that were not ...taken
Among choices that were made
And choices that were not.

Die another Death
____
Inside you
I die thousand deaths
Every time I don’t find you in my thoughts.
My love,
I spread myself in whole of the sky
Stake me with tall deodar trees
And I die thousand deaths

Inside me, there is a person
Willing to lie
To let you know that I am what I am
But not what I can be
And cry.
And you know my love
That person is not me
But I suspect its you
In my heart who is willing to die

To let me live
A thousand lives
Alone and hurt
Bleeding and blunt
No emotions and no feelings
Just a stone statue,
Where we loved
That we loved
That first day
And that we hugged
  
Why?
Why it has to be spread so thin
Thick in our love
That it has become so transparent
It hides nothing
It holds nothing
It does not even promise an eternity
But just our hurt feeling
And missed chances to be one

Why my love
You are so far away
To be loved
Even when you are just sleeping next to me
Why….?

_______

Between my mind and heart...
______

The tremors that my hand felt

From her fingers
Travelled to the heart
Within my smile
Holding her silence within
My lips
I felt my love
Flutter in her Arms

"Wait - hold me before you leave"
Hung somewhere between my mind
And  her Heart
___

I slept, dreaming of animal cries
Seeds engaged in birthing
Woke up with a cosmic tree growing all over belly