It felt good when we were united,
But it messed up my mind when we were apart.

He loves me,
He loves me not,
He loves me,
He loves me not,
He thinks he loves me.

Why does it feel so good,
But hurt so bad?

Just stop all the ruckus,
And leave me alone.

Too much,
For a wasted,
Useless monster,
Called,
Anxiety

I'm not a professional athlete,
Nor am I brilliant in school,
But the fact that I always look on the bright side,
Makes life that much simpler.

When does the thinking stop?
Because I've been thinking, not doing,
For as long as I could remember...

I feel as if my sides have extra fat on them,
Despite the fact,
I just ran 300 meters in an all-day track meet.

What rhymes with love?
Hate.
I lied.

I drank a bottle of anxiety this morning,
And yet, I feel as good as new...

I looked at the door in my English class,
Imagining you standing there,
With your contagious smile I quickly fell in love with,
In any event, anywhere.
My eyes then looked at my paper,
Love was killing me inside,
Because the boy I truly am in love with,
Picked me up and tried.

Hate is a strong word,
But if used in the right context,
It is almost the best word ever said...

A picture of you once hung on my wall,
But I knocked it off and let it fall.
You said the words, "I'm not your father,"
For why did, I ever bother?

Life slows down at an inaccurate pace,
When all you think about,
Is being *in love

I remember as if it were yesterday,
You were helping me with math problems once again,
We would sit there for hours,
Sketching various triangles with one simple pen.
I can never forget,
The college-level words you asked me to spell,
We both were in complete fascination and suspense,
As far as I can tell.
I recall you teaching me a bit of yiddish as well,
"Yachna and fashlepta chlank,"
I annuciated so well,
This was no prank.
I remmeber beating you in shuffle board,
But It still might have been a tie,
Because you played exceptionally well,
As good and sweet as pie.
I will always remember,
Our long walks in Greak Neck,
Papa and Shari bonding,
While watching the beautiful scenery from the deck.
I remember you took me to the beach in Greak Neck,
Where we surprised Bubbie with a large horseshoe crab,
Bubbie was frozen will fear,
And almost took a cab.
The late night outdoor concerts,
You used to take me to,
I became really fond of the music,
And the massive amount of ***** in you.
Now I know this next line is going to seem quite strange,
But I remember blowing the garage door open with all my might,
Thinking that is how it's supposed to open,
And proud of myself for shining bright.
One of the best of times,
Was when you took me to the golfing range,
I swung the club multiple times missing the ball,
Calling myself deranged.
The days when we all went to ihop,
And to piccolos for lunch,
Everything was delectable,
Thanks a bunch!
We've been to the movies many times,
Where we'd sometimes surprisingly cry,
Bubbie would say, "Oh, my God look at Papa,"
But your reasons for crying were beautifully justified.
Just the thought of me coming to visit you,
Makes me form such a luminous smile,
Because there is no other Papa like you,
A Papa so outgoing, loving, and all the worth while.

An unknown voice heard down under,
A calming, soothing tone,
Where the omniscient, clear blue sea,
Is the only scenery shown.
A sound so aggressive is suddenly heard,
A competition so intense,
The insipid mud arises,
Where the soothing sea seems so dense.

When I never expected a boyfriend like you,
You appeared.
When I imagined you by my side,
You appeared.
When I contemplated all the memories,
You appeared.
When I felt lonely; worthless,
You appeared.
When i desperately needed your love,
You appeared.
When I had a bad day,
You appeared.
When anxiety took the best of me,
You appeared.
When I cried endlessly,
You appeared.
When we spent over two weeks apart,
You appeared.
When I was heartbroken,
You appeared.
When I was scared,
You appeared.
When I said the words, "I Love You,"
You were there.

*I only hope you can do it once more

There we were,
Just casually fooling around with each other,
In a dark, opaque room,
Where he'd let loose and wildly smother.
I tried to hold back,
But he aggressively held me close to him,
I felt the blood flow up and down my body,
As it began to get dim.
The way he dove long, thick fingers inside,
Made me scream with much pleasure,
When he fondled with it, gently teasing me,
There is no other measure.
When he wouldn't stop,
And looked me in the eye,
I felt dopamine rushing through my body,
I can only obey and lie.
The endless pleasure that radiated from his body,
Touched mine, caressed mine,
Where I'd smile at him, eyes half-closed,
Where we'd together shine.

It would probably surprise you that...

I am very fond of animals,
My dream is to become a writer,
I am a tennis fanatic,
I am a fighter.
I push myself beyond my limit,
I always feel empathetic and more,
I feel the need to help others,
Including the disabled and poor.
I have a passion for baking,
I enjoy life to its fullest extent,
I am competitive in sports,
I am mostly content.

He took me by surprise,
Asking me to dance,
Excited and ready was I,
Without a second glance.
As the music played quickly,
We both smiled and had much fun,
But he suddenly became different and unusual,
I felt the need to run.
He became too aggressive with me,
I was now appalled and hurt,
He took me by surprise,
And left me in the dirt.

If you've felt worthless or unloved,
Know that there is a God above.
If you've been through ahard life so far,
Don't allow it to leave a scar.
If you are offended by actions or words,
Know that your voice is always heard.
If you don't know what else to do,
Contemplate it, think it though.
If you If you've ever had guilt raging over you like rain,
Just make sure it never happens again.
If you know who you are,
Just be yourself and you'll go far.

The moment he shows up at your track meet,
I'm frozen with shock,
When he embraces me in his arms,
There isn't ever a clock.

When I leave this town of sticks and stones,
And make way through the thick, dense fog,
I will no longer feel anxiety pouring over me,
Will no longer be, a bump on a log.
When I rome free through the wild outdoors,
I will no longr contemplate my past,
The moment I achieve pure happiness,
Wanting the moment to forever last.
When I long to see my boyfriend,
I won't lie there foolishly and cry,
Because life is about diversity,
To progressively advance and try.
When I learn the true meaning of, "I love you,"
I will feel omniscient and strong,
Despite my hardships,
Whether right, or whether wrong.
When Im off to college,
New doors will open up for me,
Such extraodinary opportunities out there,
For such a dedicated, yet small me.
When I'm married to the man I love,
My wasted thoughts will leave my head,
I'll only worry about the choices I made,
The actions I took, and the things I said.
When I achieve my dreams,
Self-actualized, I'll surely be,
Hoping to some day become a legend,
With endless things to see.
When I'm eventually deceased and gone from this world,
I will have looked back and said I tried,
Tried to make use of the life God left me with,
Along such a beautiful, bumpy ride.

Cold on a misty day,
But warm in my lovers arms.

One word suits today,
And that word is pure,
**Exhaustion

HOT, HOT HOT!
COLD, COLD, COLD!
OW, OW, OW!
NO, NO, NO!

As long as you breathe,
you will be alright.

What? what? what?
What did you say?
Where are you?
Why be like that?
Words that are tedious,
And last till eternity,
There is no better question,
Than the question of uncertainty.

I took a yogurt from the fridge,
Then I went for the meat, eggs, bread, and carbs,
Sadly still in my teenage years,
I'm starving after I'm full.

I took a step into the field of love,
Permanently united,
Like two turtle doves.

Two simple, but omniscient words,
"You're beauitful",
For desperate love, you deserve.

Just get off my back,
You have no right to be there.

Can we just unwind?
With no limit, just time.

When will the tables turn for me?
What does it take?
There is only so much I can handle,
Before I lose myself and break.

I saw an irish wolf hound,
It was my teacher.
I landed of the yellow sand,
It was my pillow.
I ate an apple,
It was a chocolate chip cookie.
I ran into my x,
It was only a movie.
I took a stroll with my boyfriend,
It was more of the "exciting" times.
I studied for hours,
It was just a huge bump on the head.
I looked down at the floor,
It was really knives being thrown to my chest.
I lied for the first time,
It was complete anxiety.
I said the words,"I love you,"
And my fortune magically came true.

Alone at last,
Where I peacefully lay on my brown leather couch,
And contemplate about my past.

Beautiful baby from the outside in,
You'll be safe in my arms with a side of gin.

I listened to the tone of your voice,
From far out in the distance,
I heard an unbeatable sound thereafter,
I missed you, in an instant.

I thought of you after I woke up,
Smiling beautifully down at me,
Through my large opaque cup.

The only thing that is presently on my mind,
Is the thought of me now, baffled and blind...

What if I just pulled the trigger now,
Would people wonder why, when, where, how?
Would my father then understand me,
When I'm so blissfully set free?

My poor, little brain,
Has gone completely insane.
I have yet to buy a prom dress,
In which I'm clueless, I confess.
I have an ankle sprain,
Soley feeling inside pain.
I have my second SAT to take,
Please help me, for God's Sakes!
Plus an ACT I'm taking soon,
I feel like such a loon.
I became diagnosed with a mental disorder,
For a life as good as hell, I'm surely on the border.
I'm alone as of now,
And i sit and wonder how.
I had to quit lifeguard training,
All the bad luck I was gaining.
People view me as shy,
So I just simply cry.
I'm afraid to show my true personality,
Because of the significant lack of mentality.
I have yet to take my road test,
I'm not too far behind the rest.
My father hates me,
From built up stress and aggrivation, you see.
I am myself and nothing more,
I am wounded internally from one slammed door.

Pluck my eyes out,
I  have just found out,
My summer is ruined,
I have a sprained ankle,
A medical condition,
More acne,
Anxiety,
I'm tired as a newborn baby....

Just stop trying to be someone who you're not,
Because evidently, it hurts a lot.
Stop the staring and wishing to be someone that's not you,
All the unwanted thoughts passing through.
A head filled with endless wants and needs,
Desire for illusions, my helpless heart bleeds.
Stop all the complaining and fuss,
With all the fights, who’s to trust?
You are not inferior to any of thee,
But through those faded pupils, can you see?
Do you notice the world around you?
Or are you too oblivious, so lost, so blue?
Just get over your interrogating feelings of doubt,
Strive beyond your abilities; go all out.
Know what to expect from your actions,
Superior or inferior, the omnipotent fraction.
Simply love yourself and only you,
Forget the haters with nothing better to do.
Handle life's challenges in a way a unified manner,
Instead of debating who is tanner.
Live for the moment and appreciate all the love,
You have always received near and above.
Stop fooling with your mind,
Sobbing away till clearly blind.
Let yourself know we all think differently through everything,
That without you, it'd be lifeless; all the personality you bring.
We all have the power to try,
maybe then our minds won't die.
Try something riveting and new,
Something you are proud to call you.
Stop trying to love thee,
A fool, a coward you would be.
Love yourself above all,
But care for others and proudly stand tall.
Yes, I said love and not hate,
break past the open gate.
Express yourself for what you want,
Easing of tensions, by detente.
Stop all the excuses and lying,
The unreal attitude you have, the fake crying.
Trapped in portieres,
All the feelings of distrust, how unfair!
So let’s close the portieres of guilt,
And cover up with a nice, warm quilt.
A good night’s rest will do the trick,
For a poor one, who's psychologically sick.
It will help alleviate the pain,
To feel some comfort, once again.
Stop hurting yourself and feeling down,
That ashamed, guilty, timid frown.
You will learn to love,
And give those unjust feelings a great shove.
Go have fun and smile wide,
Because no matter what, when, where, why...
Everybody is on your side.

There is no other boy like you,
Such brilliance and warmth you hold,
There is no other human,
I'd rather unfold.
My heart cries out for your love,
From so close, yet so far away,
I imagine you and I connected as one,
Loving you deeper and more, every day.
I sit and ponder about your ways,
How fortunate I am to have met you,
How assiduous and affectionate you truly are,
How my every wish miraculously came true.
I stand atop a hill with you,
Embracing you with loving arms,
I have so much gratitude for a boy like you,
With such unique quality and many charms.
Your great sense of humor,
Never ceases to amaze me,
Laughing so hard and for so long,
Always expressing freely.
We've had some inside jokes,
For which I'd rather not name names,
But all were quite interesting,
New and cute little games.
I can never forget the time we first met,
You smashed that tennis ball right at my behind,
And a note that asked, "Will you go out with me?"
I would never decline.
I've always loved your personality,
And so much more,
The endless days that hurt inside,
Are the best days we've yet to explore.
I've wanted to tell you for so long,
That I honestly love you so much,
And when we're apart,
We will always keep in touch.
You help my heart to keep on beating,
I've found true love; there's no doubt,
For you are the only boy,
I constantly dream about.
So I now stand atop a hill with the one I love,
With sparkling eyes and a luminous smile,
I'll always have you with me,
And make every day worth while.

It was my father who left me,
To discover a place of his own,
Lonely, but dishearten I felt,
For a place called “unknown.”
Baffled was I,
As to why he suddenly left me,
I trembled alone in fear,
Was I a goner soon to be?
Where have my hopes gone,
Withered away to stone,
Leaving nothing but the past,
For a place called, “unknown.”
Why do I feel resentment?
My father had a horrifying tone,
Had left me heartbroken,
For a place called, “unknown.”
My heart beats like thunder,
As I shiver to the bone,
My father ruined me,
For a place called, “unknown.”
Where will I go from here?
Too much my father had shown,
A martyr my father will always be,
For a place called, “unknown.”

How am I supposed to write something extraodinary,
If I have a writers block?
Or if I am told what to write about?
Or a set time limit?
Can't I write freely to my wishes?

Have an open mind in life,
And you will be okay.

I would have to quit my dreams in life,
Before I'd seperate myself from you.

We hardly ever get to see each other,
And when we finally do,
I'd like to make every second count,
Expressing my sweet love for you.