so maybe i have given up
who are you to judge?
because it's your fault

I'll smile at anything,
But nothing makes me happy anymore.
I'm just afraid to show how I feel,
Because being weak might scare you away,
And you're all I have left.

Stress
is ripping
me
*apart.

She was born in April, baptized in may and we married on valentines day.
Her beautiful soul changed my life for the better.
When I was with her it was always sunny weather.
Remember that trip we took to Denver?
That was the best week of my life.
I'm so happy I got to make her my wife.

Unfortunately for me ,nothing gold can stay.
I told you that mommy had to go away, up to heaven and  I'm sorry but she's not coming back,
that was the moment that my soul turned pitch black,
My spirt couldn't defend the constant attacks from the adamant grief that had stricken my heart and denied me relief.
My veil of despair clouded my mind. When I lost my wife I thought you were fine
forgetting that you too lost something divine.


I was so absorbed in myself that I couldn't see you needed me.  
You cried out for help but I couldn't break free.
I was so concerned with what was happening to me that I rejected my duty and responsibility.
Please don't hate me.
**I'm sorry

sacrifice the ordinary to make way for the extrordinary

In a place without a home, I met an Amazon Swan
I regret she can't stay
For as long as she'll be gone
If they say she aint special
Lies will stop after gin
Three years she slipped by me
Don't know how she blends in
Her smile's as consuming, as her body is long
Dark-olive skin
Inspiration of song
Like vines clutching hard around the swamp's tallest tree
Nature is her love
It keeps her clean, always free
Everyday she walks, the world's a little bit better
But to know her takes time
Like the threads on her sweater
Today is no exception
But I need to point out
She turned 22 and she's going all out
By all out I mean, a single day from her books
Always fishing for knowledge
Can't stop tying those hooks
Those who try to claim her, cross the lines that they've drawn
Don't they know you can't cage
The Amazon Swan

To eat or not to eat that is the question?

Seems like the journey to the answer is the source of my depression.

Obsession.

Stressed out.

No doubt.

This is hell.

Touch the bones 
As we speak in playful tones about my ill pains

Seems as if everyday I struggle with the same thing
.
This disorder has me in chains 

Doing strange things for minor relief

Crazy how fourteen years of grief

Yet I still count the calories of air

Combing out hair 

The stress causes the remains of my life to break into pieces 

Slices of happiness never lasts seems as
I’m bathing in my own blood bath

The challenge is to finish last 

Slow down the binge 

Eat normal like your friends 

Repeat.

Think I can break habit just because it’s the right thing to do?

You think I enjoy this relationship with food?

I’d divorce my past and marry your future if it meant I’d be okay 

But I remain in this mess
I began when they told I’d be fat again.

Tell a friend 
I let weight meet me again.

Feels like a sin to some how feel joy.

**** the dreams of this skinny beast.

Hug the cookies and drink the wine 

This is the cry of a disordered mind. 

Welcome to my inner thoughts

My illness greets you.

Leave your sanity at the door for you wont need that silly thing anymore.

Now eat until you can’t move then starve yourself times two. 

Make the grades because if you’re intelligent then they remain away 

Telling you how much they wish their body looked like mine 

Silly envy I here all the time 
I wonder if they knew my fears 

Would they escape?

But much like me, 
Once you figure things out it’s much too late.

This life, this life,
This sick, one-sided knife...
You either cut yourself,
Or those around you.
Despite the fact,
You may not mean to.

Just is the way it goes.

I may not have faith in me
anymore,
But I have faith in God.
So go home now,
Thank your god
for the life you have.
Live for the future,
And not the past.
Live for only
The things that last.
Your long term happiness,
Not the short.
Though in this life,
The weary resort
To empty things,
Up we can go.
Let us rise.

Get up now.
Get up.

The only reason i try so hard to impress you
Is that you make me feel inferior
And I can't decide who I hate more
You
Or me

The people who chase the happy things? Who listen to bouncy music and laugh freely and celebrate every moment of life? Here's the secret:
They're the ones who have been demolished by life.
They know.
They get what's important.
They steal every moment of joy they can get their hands on, miser them all away for the terrible times,
Because they know that it's only a matter of time
Until the tide comes in.