I remember that day in 7th grade
Back when you were still calling yourself Cassie
You were standing reserved and afraid
In gym class clad in shorts and words carved in your skin
That was the day I began to notice you

3 years later and we're best friends
Not much has changed except that you go by Nate now,
I still mess up pronouns sometimes,
Your body tells the tale of a war going on for years,
In that time
We've become a little bit wiser,
Hopefully a tad bit happier,
And your cuts go a little bit deeper

It wasn't the carnation that made my day,
Nor the 3 fluffy teddy bears I found in my locker,
Not the hershey kiss you offered me
Those were sweet gestures,
I'm not saying I didn't love them
But material items can't replace that feeling
When you wrapped me up in your arms
And held me close
And said the 3 words I would never forget
It was the first time in a long time someone told me they loved me
And I completely believed them
My heart was racing, my face was red
Nothing can replace feeling loved
I feel loved

Yesterday wasn't the first time you said those three words
It's been twice now that you've mentioned the 'L' word
Once in a Christmas card,
And once you actually said it
Before leaving while I began tearing up
Choked by my feeling
And things I want to say
What was special about this time however
Was that I said it first
It's not the first time I used the word 'love' in relation to you
But I've only ever admitted I loved you in writing
Hidden away
To doubtful to say it outloud
I'm amazing at holding back
And letting moments pass me by
But you gave me faith enough to actually say those three words
Back to you

She reads
                                          And she sleeps
                                                      Way too much
                                                            ­           It's her coping defence
                                                                ­               When nothing else will suffice
                                                         ­               She needs to get away
                                                       Without actually leaving
                                             Because she's too scared
                                   And too tired
                                            To leave her bed
                                                      So she cracks open a book
                                                            ­     To escape somewhere far away
                                                            ­             And she'll sob for the characters
                                                      ­                       Whose brokenness resembles hers
                                                            ­                                   And then she'll sleep
                                                           ­                                   And have sweet dreams
                                                          ­              Of realities that are not her own
                                                       Because pretending is so much easier
                                                 Than facing reality
                             So she'll sleep and dream
          And secretly wish she won't wake up
So she can finally escape

Under the burning sun
& on endless dunes,
I went from mirage to mirage,
rode this camel's **** all night
long to get to your sweet oasis.

And there,
I found you lying
in beautiful naked splendor,
cockleshells hung from
your thick raven-hair,
frankincense & myrrh burned.

I melted in your embrace,
kissed your lady-magic
& died in the gaze
of your amber eyes.

Under the burning sun
& on endless dunes,
I went from mirage to mirage,
rode this camel's **** all night
long to get to your sweet oasis.

I hate this.
**** her.
I'm better than her.
You're mine.
I can give you the world.
Well...
Maybe she is better.
I mean,
That's why you're there
Right?
You're in her home
Feeling her skin
Kissing her lips...
I hurts so ******* bad.
...
I miss you.
...
Leave her and be with me.
...
I love you.