ShaeZen: Favorites

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

another

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Tara Hill

another

how unfair it can be
for me to think of you
and you not to think of me.

while i stick around
playing your sick and twisted game
you do nothing but laugh.
you feel no shame

im never to know what goes on in your head.
while you are smiling you could be wishing you were dead.

i tried to make you happy.
i stayed for the most that i could.
me putting in effort was never worth as much as it should.

i may not know a lot
but if there is one thing that I do
it's that while you are thinking of me,
i am no longer thinking of you.

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

How do you say Goodbye

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Mercy B

How do you say Goodbye

I still have not found a way or maybe it is just that I have not got the will to, once and for all say my final goodbye.

I have tried to make my peace, many a long and lonesome night, each time I begin my heart only screams out why.

Painfully I replay the memories of our lives as to never forget, keep them vivid right up until the very end.

I hold on to you because without you I feel lost, at the same time knowing goodbye is what will help my heart mend.

The meaning of the word rattles me, in essence the sheer magnitude of it is what I can not get past.

Almost a year has gone bye and the anguish inside me has not yet begun to ease, how much longer can it last?

Each time the quite settles in and the stillness takes it's hold, I hear her voice urging me to move on, so once again I try.

Lord grant me the knowledge, I implore thee on bended knee, tell me how to begin to say goodbye.

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

My Way Home

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Mercy B

My Way Home

I must resign to the fact that you not are here to hold my hand , able to wipe my tears away, to the painfully reality that you are far beyond my reach.


I know there were times when you thought wasn't listening , just know I heard all your words and now it is those same lessons that I am trying to teach.

                         For, I have not forgotten my way home.

There is so much that now stands between you and I , forever separated by immeasurable distance, never ending time and everlasting space.



I manage to find some solace in the memories we have made, although harder it is becoming to even hear your voice let alone picture your face.

                       Still I have not forgotten my way home.

I became lost in my own sorrow and the path leading to the other side at times can be so very dark, it feels like insurmountable twists and turns are constantly blocking the way.

Keep those big brown eyes focused, anything that comes easily is just not worth doing, the voice in my soul reminds me of theses words you used to say.

                      That is why I have not forgotten my way home.

Dedicated to my mother, on the 21st of December it will be one year since she had to leave. I can not find the words to articulate how much I truly miss her but maybe one day I will. I have good that each day it will become just a bit easier to move on.
Thank you for reading my ramblings and keeping some kind of solid ground under my feet.
Namaste.
Mercie B ♥

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Reflection

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Mercy B

Reflection

Strange reflections, indistinct flickers whipping past, caught out of the corner of my eye.

An eldritch feeling takes over, as if to say this is what it to feel like to watch time pass by.

I lay witness to a whirlwind of intricate memories being swept away, jostled getting lost between the spaces.

The remnants of a hurricane filled with moments doomed to oblivion, intertwined inside an eternity of forgotten faces.

Anxiously I sit inside a cage of my own mold as I contemplate if this place is a sanctuary at all.

Finally realizing that those reflections were small glimmers of the pieces I let go during my own painfully beautiful fall.

Weep not for this wayward stranger, the trial and tribulations are something that we all must soldiers through.

Diligently stripping layers away, remaining hopefully that the journey will lead to something magnificently brand new.

I hope that it makes sense to ay t least one other person beside myself....

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

His pathway

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Lorraine day

His pathway

Today I will make a difference
A clean slate
A new start

I'll clear those cobwebs
From my mind
Dust those scars
Around my heart

I'll switch on my new thoughts
Wear my smile
Shining bright

Try my best
To help others
In the hope
I do things right

Taking this opportunity
Putting all the past behind
My~mind ~my heart ~

With he )

Who said )

("All who seek shall find")

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

The First Step ~~

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Lorraine day

The First Step ~~

I walk alone
I cannot see
There's no one here
Only me
My mind is filled
With thoughts of doubt
I'm trapped
I'm scared
There's no way out
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then daylight dawns
Another day
I suddenly feel
The urge to pray
If there's a god
And it's true
Let's see what
He plans to do
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I only ask
He'll show a sign
Of this mighty one
So divine
I challenge him but here no sound
Silence echos all around
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where are you lord
Do you care
I'm filled with loneliness
Despair
Please fill me now with your grace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(He replies my child)

All you need is
*****
F
A
I
T
H

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Staying Strong~

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Sara Grace

Staying Strong~

~Staying Strong
No matter what I go through ill do my best to stay strong. No matter what you or society puts me through I will stay strong. You've broken to many promises, Ive hurt myself by trying to fix them. But now I have hurt and I have learned. I showed you my pain but you didn't care. I'm getting back up on my feet. I'm taking my broken wings and learning how to fly. I've got people who will help me through this. Yes pain has changed me. But the mistakes I have made, I've learned from. I have learned who my true friends are, through this. The ones who will never leave my side. I am going on from this, and not looking back. I'm not a toy, that you can pick up when you want. I'm done with you messing with my emotions. You've made me stronger than I was before. You helped me figure out who I am. You've shown me how strong I truly am; Not just psychically but emotionally and mentally. Staying strong was my only option left. I wanted to give up, but I've saw your true colors that only gave me the drive to not give up. It gave me the drive to show you and them that I'm not gonna give up.
In the end I'm not giving up, I'm Staying Strong and starting again~

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

I haven't forgotten my worth

Jan 2014 ShaeZen

Moon Humor

I haven't forgotten my worth

You convinced me that I could be loved
that I was beautiful.

I realize I am without you
but it doesn't stop the want.

Now I'm just a whisper
of the smooth low morning voice
I loved to speak to you with.

Now I'm just the skin
you used to touch, and you'd tell
me you liked it so much.

I haven't eaten in two days
because I'm sick to my stomach
over your lies.

White lines, crushed pills
call my name, begging to numb the pain.

I'd let you in again on my own terms.
I'm always twisting words
remembering when you brought me to tears
your stories, your mind is war torn.

Now you're just another
playing me in some sick game
I've been subjected to before.

I ask why I'm never good enough
but I haven't forgotten my worth.

I am crumpled morning hair, black coffee and poetry.
I am deeply emotional, understanding.
I am filled with wonder, every sunrise and sunset.

I would be the dedicated love
you always wished for.

But here I am, questioning
my own worth
because someone else
is blind to it.

I ache for you,
and yet
I pity you
for not seeing
my worth.

More furious typing & word *****.