I know your a million miles away
On the other side of our bed
But If you'd just roll over
It could be five hundred thousand instead
And who knows maybe then
It'll be just close enough
For you to love me again
See im still to sick to admit
That theres an end to this
Forgive me i might be prejudice
Or bias could be a better word
But admitting defeat is obscenely absurd
I cant learn to yearn for you in the way that youd like
Like a friend in the day, and not even a thought in the night
I dont believe them when they say i cant make you love me

With a scattered concept of reality
I stretch for strong truths on a thin life line
I found the difference between love and *lust to be a life time
Truth is pennance
A contaceptive for faulty fellowships
A filter for decieitful thoughts that arent of relavance

To say that our love is a rollercoaster would be an understatement
The heavenly high of our highs
The steep hell of our lows
Its a wonder that we made it through the ride
That were still the same people meeting at the other side
Your hand so steady on mine
Through each ****** of our trials
We rose above the errors of most lovers
Gliding gracefully into bliss
Only to become so complacent
We would risk everything we built
Time after time making the same mistakes
Learning and falling for the lure of love all over again
But I think that's why we lasted so long
We walked blindy, lead by love
Relentlessly pushing for our paradise
We could not be stopped
And here we are, hair wild from the winds
Both of us out of breath
Looking up at the mountains we rode together
Stars marking our waxes and wanes
Our journey written in the skies
And as we rest our weary heads
At the end of this incredible rollercoaster of a life
I can sleep, because we lived and loved
Together

Terrified to rest my eyes
I'm being suffocated by reality.
These days have worn and run me down
They couldn't take much more out of me.

I am whiskey watered down
Diluted to tease the taste buds of those, whose acceptance escaped me before my transformation.
Poured into a glass that leaves blistered on my body, all for the sake of aesthetically pleasing those that hold the sustenance I need hostage.
I have been reduced for the glory of impossible beauty standards and restricting gender roles.
I’ve been assaulted with requests to soften my very being, for the sake of saving face for men who cannot feed their own egos with hard work and determination.

Your Random Prose of Poetry
Well, it took hold of me
I felt it as it settled on my surface
Snug as my favorite pair of jeans
Skin cells merging with synonyms
It became a little part of me
The dots of my i's
Faint with your personification
Morals of my own protagonist
Made by your imagination
Your words Foreshadowing a future for my hearts hesitations

He speaks to me in silence
Answers my anxiety in a smile.
Poses questions for understanding,
Finds answers and faith for us, in the signs, In the sky, as we lay side by side, separated by miles, he ignores the divide,
He sings to our souls, guides them at night, I watch them collide, I can’t help but surmise,
Sometimes it’s awful to be loved from a distance

Sunkissed, with a farmer's tan
He brandished his determined eyes
A soft whisk, from velvet hair
And lips that don't tell lies
Knees, shaking and ever weakening
A pulse quick to the touch
Electrified, cells on fire
But one could not call this lust

I am you, you are in shadows of me.
Ever dipping, tangling in synchronicity.
I smile knowing yours will follow,
No longer do I ever dance with sorrow

I could write a Haiku for you
Even a poem titled "100 reasons why"
I could fill endless marble notebooks
And I wouldn't even have to try
I could find obscene amounts of synonyms
To describe the way I feel when I'm around you.
I could use metaphors and imagery, painting pictures that astound you.
Although I'm not quite so certain, about those hyperboles
I find it hard to think I could overstate, the resounding power you have over me.

I’ve never really liked candles
They’ve always smelled of a kind of peace that was always just out of sync for me.
They’ve always felt like the kind of gift you get from someone who doesn’t care to REALLY want to know you.

I light a candle every night now.
He says he likes the way the flames dance across my skin.
And now they’ll always feel like I can find peace as I sleep.

A subtle salty taste to the tongue
There's nothing sweeter than a hard working man getting the job done.
Eyes yearning and burning to change the world
There are only quite so many words

To describe this kind of passion

Shimmy, shiver, she shifts and sneaks
Right, left, she beguiles me.
Moves with music, such blasphemy

I’ve spent a lifetime avoiding equating happiness to a person.
How now am I to deny the victory my loneliness revels in at the baratone in his voice?
The secret smiles that are ever too known by his stare because he looks at me like I am an answer.
In brevity he is grace, sculptor of dreams, in brevity he is a little bit of everything.
How do I reconcile that I’ve sown into my skin, an inch for every encounter, and now I am more him that I’ve ever been me.

When the world is so wrong, that achieving right seems impossible
and things are so bad, you cant remember what it feels like to be safe
When your so down, you wonder if any one could ever even find you
When the sky you look up to turns out to be a hypocrite,
and the grains of sand beneath you toes, spell out constant reminders of your past.

When your heart hurts in your own home
And words lose meaning more in every line
In a time where comfort seems to be at a loss
cause patience left in a huff, and desire cant seem
to find where happiness and hope have gone

When tunnels lead to brick walls
And the air is where Shallow lies
When misery takes passion company
When your intuition is
Sick with worry for your poor courage
And truth hides in your eyes
From deception and denial
Hunting for it in your mind

Seek stability in your soul
and you will find me
Faith in hand
and inspiration in tow
Ready to shine a light on a
Love that is timeless
Rainy days, Stormy nights, paths of uncertainty, answers to the questions of life
All have the potential to be illuminated

Where hearts lie side by side
Love is always born
Jealousy comes ignorantly
and can be easily overcome
Hate comes from pride being
neglected by another hearts flattery
Nurture each other!
Give to a soul
Fruits of good intentions
And good will will come in turn
Love one another!
A heart is a heart,
And we all bleed
there is no distinction between
the taste of our tears
and your loss of love is no different than mine
One of us no different than the other.

I can almost see the flashbacks, flash bangs in your eyes
I wonder what horrible thing it was, that set your beautiful "blue" eyes ablaze
Yes, I know they're hazel
But I do love to see your nose wrinkle in frustration when I tease you
I see the squints of pain, that rock your body, when your trying to chase away the demons in your mind
What was powerful enough to shake your foundation soldier?
I don't mean to pry, it must be hard to dredge up memories you've tried to bury with lead
I just want to be there when peace decides to make its presence known in your home again
I salute the southern hospitality that didn't seem to fade away with weeks of war
And wonder what it must be like to be a person, battling with insecurities and nightmares in silence, so everyone else can sleep in peace
Your warriors Aura captured my attention at first glance, and I've been trying to figure you out since
There's something to be said about a soldier with standards,
About a man with a desire to conquer
And to many morals to take advantage
I've never met anyone like you before
Never had to say goodbye to anyone like you before
I thank you for your service, I thank you for your smile, I thank you for invading my heart, taking my judgment prisoner for a while
I thank you for giving me the peace of mind, of knowing there's a soldier out there somewhere, that carries my passion on his lips
And I want to thank you by letting you know, that when night falls, a  girl is laying on her pillow miles and miles away
In a t-shirt that touches her heart
and she is thinking about your "blue" eyes ablaze, and is hoping that the thought of her might keep them burning for just a little while longer

I'm hanging by a thread
My heart beat is a mess
And I can't get my legs to stop shaking

Impatient with the world and its jury
I Can't help but worry
Over all the time that this is taking
This new life in the making

I watch on a cold December eve
Brick by brick, with courage taking the lead
This new life take shape in front of me

I worry that it will be monotonous
Somehow won't amount to much
This new home that I made for us
I worry it won't be good enough

So I wait for the first night
I'm this new life
To turn on the first light
In my new life
And pick the door I'm going to open first
I guess life can't be rehearsed
And I'll have to wait and see
What this life with you has in store for me

I'll let you take my hand and take the lead
Give you all the faith you need
Give you every part of me
If you say you'll stay with me

It’s been a couple hours
I finally convinced myself I’m breathing.
I overdosed on my anxiety
But my hearts back to even beating.

I’m focus on forward
Steady chanting in my head
The next minute the next hour
The next day that lies ahead.

Loves a tricky fickle thing
It’s sense of humor gone awry
Hopes a tricky fickle thing
Birthed on a bed of lies

I think I might be breathing
It’s been a couple seconds more
I met our future daughter
In never-was and never-more

She smiles at me blindly
Searches my arm for your dear hand
I can’t bring myself to tell her
I just don’t think she’d understand.

Cosmically chosen
Fated sisters woven
Read in stars, bred in sky’s
Red ties, intwined
Soul achingly his,
Purposefully mine.

Sunrise
bitter comfort
that births from
constant isolation,
Creeping away
Hiding from illumination,
Cold that grows confidence
in isolation,
slowly seeping out of pores,
A sick suffocating warmth
enveloping, reminding
every minute, every cell
that the fire
love brings
will never travel here
sunlight a substitute
for the passion
that burns everywhere but here
so you burn in this lie
waiting for the
truth
of a night
spent in an empty bed
and a dinner enough
for two made for one
to consume in shame
because this
sorry excuse for a life is
not pessimistic, only fair
and Sunlight in an optimists eyes
can lead to madness
ever associated
with misunderstandings
of love and life.

I know it's wrong
To ask you to hold me because I know that you can't stay
But I'd like to enjoy the wholeness of my heart
Before you leave and break it on the way

I’m sensitized to his sensual sighs.
He tows the line, invoking highs.
yes, he scatters time, as he dines.
Those tree bark eyes, my cluttered mind,  
writhing thighs, desperate cries.

I shatter when he demands it

For lifetimes I’ve loved him, this I know.
Not always in person, but always in earnest, this I know.
Lifetimes I’ve seen, in passing glances on the street.
In peripheral over a book in a tiny cafe in a corner of the world I don’t remember the name of anymore.
I’ve loved him in mountains of multiverses.
As flowers reaching not for the sun but for each other.
Because he has fed my soul for eons.
I’m convinced I’ve touched him.
Passingly and passionately.
A steadying hand in a meet-cute train ride.
Tantalizing touches under stardust skies
I’ve known him by so many names
In so many seasons and every time of day.
He was once my darling at dusk, my lover at first light. My friend in fresh rain.
I’m convinced I’ve known him every form.
Ever and always, a call to home.
And this I know, this lifetime, it’s my favorite.

Brittle, hopeless, pathetic is the word really.
No hopes and no aspirations left.
I try to look like all the rest.
With a proud rising and falling of my chest.
I know the jokes on me.
Who do I think I'm kidding?
Hiding behind painful smiles
One cannot escape reality.
And mine is, well, laughable.
At the very least I know why I bother
Why I atleast pretend to breathe.
I couldn't bare to be another burden
Another tear upon another cheek.
So I sit, chest crushed by my own knees.
Holding myself together piece by piece.
I swear this life will be the death of me.
Or worse turn out everlastingly.
Forced to face the raw, naked parts of me.
Ever searching for one redeeming quality.

That is not ever to be found.

I cannot speak,
I write,
You read,
Live through poetry.

I wish I never met you
I wish we never spoke
I with that I knew better
Than to provoke
Cause now I can't forget you
And I can only hope
My heart won't surrender
And it'll learn to cope

The damage is done
My hearts the run


And I'm falling
Now I'm drowning
Can't get my head above water

I'm trying to run
I'm trying to hide
My feet they falter
My hearts in overdrive

So please let me know
Let me go
Cause you don't love me
Oh please walk away
Don't say you'll stay
Just cause I'm lonely

Cause I'll let you
My knees are weak
Can't even eat
I'm sick of the of being without you
But here's the thing
I can bring
Myself to not doubt you
And the love you claim to have for me

what am I to do when I can't hide from you or the words that you once told me
Sitting wondering always pondering about the love you once showed me

I know we'll fires burn fast
Ours wasn't eternal
Never meant to last

Your name,
Sown in a moan,
Evoked on a breath,
In oblivions crest,
I want to call you home.

My love for you is unrequited,
I wish that I could hide it
The way my eyes dance like diamonds
At just the sound of your name

Day by day i'm learning
A part of love is yearning
Internally burning
Just in hopes that it wont be in vain

I know that its a choice not chance
And tangled tango of a dance
Love is our first glance
At a life worth living

A chronic case of worthlessness
I'm just a waste of breath
I wish upon the stars at night
For the peace that comes with death
I want to be comforted with silence
Because the words just hurt so badly
An enclosed coffin to hide away in
Greeting the reaper gladly.
They say life won't be easy but it'd be worth it
As if that's an excuse for all the hurting
I wonder if they listened to their own words as they spoke them
I guess we write to figure things out
Hence why empty pages terrify me so
Even worse when there are no lines left to write
Nowhere else to go, so much more to show, because there's so much they need to know

Count your sheep,
and I will count my scars.
Pick shapes from your clouds,
as I do from my scabs.
Find comfort in your love,
I will find contempt for it instead.
Numb is not a word,
I am blessed enough to use anymore.
Flames lick and nibble me,
while I burn in my own emotions.
Pandora's box could compare not,
to the hurricane inside my soul.

He's never heard of mood music
Lucky for him
I'm always in the mood
For making love's music

See you've tainted every aspect of my life.
You've invaded my mind,
not to mention my heart.
You ripped feelings of fulfillment from my eager hands
You showed me the path to happiness
And then kicked up the dirt so i had no chance of taking it
You took the chance, to take my faith
And then gave me falsehood instead
You played your part
And you pulled my strings
You were my master puppeteer
You shook my faith, rattled the cage
I guess in hopes some courage might fall out
We both know that you could have used it
You took my strength
and you abused me with it, you used me with it
cause you couldnt find your own
You told me not to worry, not to shed my tears
It's clear now you didn't mean for long
You let me hold you, let me love you
Let me give you my emotions
Then you rocked the boat
let me float
On a bed of lies
You ignored my cries
Belittled my fears
And then used them to break me
You molded me when you told me
I wasn't worth the effort
So I held you up
While you put me down
Equating your happiness to mine
I let you take it from me
And fake it for me
Too afraid to face the truth
Because you wanted me
To build you up
And make you better
Make you seem to be
A better man than you could ever be

Was I really that Naive?

a flower shall be named of love
And shall teach the journey to it
To be born in a dense dark grave
And though unable to witness the colors of passion
Embrace every tingling nerve infected of it
To see naught
And hear echos of a world
With a brighter future than your own
To fight with every new piece of your being
And welcome them with new confidence
Push so hard it hurts,
For nothing could hurt more
Than there being
Nothing else but this
Feel like your fight has lasted forever
And you'll fight no longer
Catch a break
And catch a breathe, one breath
Before you catch a glimpse
Yes a glimpse
shades of affection
Reflect off of
Seas colored with trepidation
And the trees shining in humility
One with a wind
I didn't meet but today
And Sun with a touch Of warmth isolation in my own soul never gave me
I grew by my own strengths
But I thrived in good company
Thy presence equates
To a better tomorrow

And the flower should teach love to unfurl
and ignite the senses I'm such an intoxicating way
That so even if love may age,
And even die
It would always be worth it

The windows c r a c k e d
And fresh air flits through the open crevices of my heart
Can you feel it as it settles down next to you?

In a reflection of your eyes,
In the tight lipped corner of your smile.
I love you for the specks of him,
That fell upon you when our world imploded
So very, very long ago.
It is atrocious to admit,
That I so long for your kiss,
Because you always seem to taste of him.
This bitter truth is what I offer,
For your taking or your leaving.
A heart that broken, barely beating,
But, oh so good at make believing.
I should apologize,
For when I close my eyes,
I have no other choice but to concede.
Your lips meet mine,
and for a while,
I can relive him loving me.

Someone once said the poem I wrote was too general.
The description of my pain was not enough for them.
And now I wonder if they knew exactly what they were asking for.
Did they want to hear about the sound the vacuuming cleaner made as it broke my mother’s brittle ribs ?
Maybe the look on fathers face as he swung, or the taste of the tears of all his kids.
I wonder if he would have been satiated to hear me recall in detail
What it felt like to be molested for the first time before my life even hit double digits ?
Perhaps he’d like to hear how I was so desperate to tell, but scared of repercussions that I blamed it all on my own brother.
Could it be enough for me to spew confessions of using my abusive father for candy from a local bodega, because that was all he was ever really good for?
Maybe he’d like to hear a melody written about how suffocation feels at the hands of the one you beg of love from?
Does he wish to know that I haven given my body to the same man more times then I can count hoping to feign the intimacy he wants, but can never receive because the scales on the cells of his skin repulse me?