I dreamt of you last night.
There’s always this thought of me to not regret any second we’re together.
That’s why I wanted to be the first one to say “I love you” and it’s okay if you won’t say it back.
After all these months that we didn’t see each other.
I’m okay if you won’t say you love me, I just wanted to put my message across.
That I love you, and I’ll love you ‘til my last breath.
Then an unexpected happened in my dreams.
You said “I love you” first.
And I said “I love you” back.
I won’t forget this dream, and I dreamt of you again.
Twice.
I’m thankful that we get to see each other, that we get to talk to each other.
Again, even if it’s in my dreams.
I love you.

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐝,
easy to say,
difficult to feel.

ever experienced singing indirectly to someone you like?
you hum the words, like singing a lullaby
and you look at him sleeping soundly
secretly hoping that your voice would reach him
reach him like the words on a poem knock the readers
reach him like the steps on a ballet bring shine to the watchers;
it hurts actually
the feeling of you singing, but that person you like didn't know he's the one you're actually singing to
how i wish that some other person could've recorded that scene
be played by myself a million times
and never forget how that moment,
is so beautiful that it hurts.

The reason why we hesitate to make a choice is because of the things we have to let go of.
Even if we know they aren't ours, still, we aren't used to losing them.

to the guy that has been black and blue:
thank you for coming to my life
thank you for knocking outside my door
and thank you for listening to my problems
sincerely and genuinely

but I still hate you
I hate you for being the guy whom I still don't know
the guy who has been there, knowing me
but I still don't have a clue on who you are

you care, then you don't
I guess, who falls first lost eh?
and I guess I lost the battle.

you make gestures that are unexpected
and my being can't get over it
then after a while, you became cold
like you didn't meant anything that you've said

I still don't get you
and maybe I will forever won't get you
but I'll always be here,
as a friend

I won't be lost.
and maybe, at the end of the day
I will be the one who'll get hurt
for you will leave one day,
and I will let you.

that's the thing about memories
you cherish them more when it's gone
you feel pain, you feel hurt
you miss them and wanna go back
but then after a while,
you'll realize, years have already passed

Hearing him say I love you, felt like everything is okay.
All is fine, and I can be happy for the next million years of this lifetime, and next lifetimes more.

his eyes, so peaceful whenever he looks at me
his eyebrows, so thick
his hair, curly, but in a way that I like to caress it for life
his lips, so perfect for mine
his nose, the cutest I've seen

I want to remember each and every detail of your face,
every quirk that you make when you're either
happy, sad, annoyed, or confused,
I want all of them remembered at the back of my mind

that when someone asks my future,
that would be my explanation.

on all the years i've been wondering the purpose of my life,
this year has been the hardest,
the year that i've been pushed the most.

but of all the pushes i've experienced,
i still don't know my purpose in life.

thing is,
most of us here

write,
not to impress
but to express

that's why i love it here.

there are just things that are left unsaid,
things that should stay the way they are,
time that was borrowed,
and needed to be turned in again

does she cry?
she does.

does she wanna give up?
she does.

does she keep going?
she does.

For a person who loves to make other people laugh,
She doesn't know when her laugh is real.
It got to the point where she got used to laughing,
She thought she's happy all the time.
Maybe she is, maybe she's genuinely happy all the time.
Who knows?

For a person who loves to assure other people they're safe,
She prefers danger more than anything.
She chooses danger, and private every single time decision has to be made.
She allows danger to take her over.
Maybe she just doesn't know what it feels to choose something that's safe that can make her happy.
Maybe she's just used to feeling the excitement brought by danger.
Who knows?

For a person who gives love so easily,
She never knows what love really is.
She maybe knowing how she loves, and she's been looking for it everywhere.
She's about to give up looking for that love, the same love that she gives to people.
Maybe she just wants to feel that love, the love that she provides.
Who knows?

For a person who wants others to experience true happiness everywhere she goes,
She only experienced happiness that came from danger, secrecy, privacy and everything that's wrong.
She has never experienced happiness that came from peace.

For a girl that wants purity and integrity so bad,
She has been living a life full of mystery, secrets, and lies.

She's scared that no one will ever understand her.
She's scared that no one will ever see her.
She's scared that she might not be able to forgive herself.

she’s always adjusting to what she feels about people.
she’s always trying to read the room, wherever she is,
not making her feelings and emotions her priority.
she’s good at making other people happy, listened to, cared for, and boosting their egos,
while forgetting herself in the process.
but she’s feeling that that will end now, quite.
she met someone,
that for the first time in her life, she completely,
wholly, absolutely, perfectly felt that she’s…
…a priority.
that she’s not alone.
that whatever she’s facing or about to face, she knows he’ll be there no matter what.
and it’s still unbelievable that there’s someone who’s as patient as him to wait for her,
to love her,
to understand her,
to care for her,
even when she’s the most complicated, unhealed, ill-tempered, capricious, and stubborn person that he’ll ever meet.

"But, I'm thankful that it's with you,"
"If it's you, it's enough,"
I kept these words of yours with a safety lock,
whenever we have an argument that even Greek gods and goddesses can't comprehend.

Sometimes we talk about future.
'Pressured' is not the term you felt whenever I spoke of that word.
You show reality to me instead and try to give me reassuring words,
focusing more on the present.

Future is something I like to talk about.
Consistency is something I treasure most.
You aren't scared of both,
and you are willing to give them to me without hesitation.

I'm spontaneous and you know it.
You know I love talking about fantasies, destiny, and everything that isn't logical at all.
And you remembering the small things that I say makes my heart dance.
Promising to do them with me is an icing on the cake.

This year will be tough, tougher than the last,
but we can get through this.
Like the "Start Up" k-drama that we last watched,
we can also do this.
We will be successful!

The leaves keep falling
as if its their daily routine.
When will it stop?
Fall isn't my favorite season,
for I always see the beautiful scenario caused by the leaves
that have fallen from breaking apart.

I heard a story one time,
A story I couldn't and wish not to forget.

There was a boy.
A small young boy, sensitive to what other feels,
A kind young boy who chooses to see the good out of everyone.
He's an innocent young boy who sees the world in a good sense.
One day, he was playing in a playground,
He saw an insect walking in the middle of it.
He and his friends were playing a game, and that game needs running.
He so badly wanted to protect the insect that he went directly to the insect.
He covered the insect with both of his hands, trying to protect it from the kids who are running.
The other kids saw what he did.
Never did he know he can influence other people that easily.
The other kids copied what he did, and covered him while he was covering the insect.
He knows the intentions of the kids were good.
He saw that the other kids just wanted to do what he was doing because he see the good in people.
But due to the weight of all the kids,
When he opened both of his hands where the insect can be found,
He saw the insect crushed and flat.
It broke his heart.
It broke his heart so much that he couldn't forget the story.

This boy that I'm talking about is now a man with job and responsibilities.
He still remembers clearly the time that his inner kid couldn't forget.
I could still see the inner kid in him, every single time we spent together.
I could still see the boy that protected the insect and had his heart broken because the insect died.
He's still the sensitive boy, hiding in a "have a strong heart" man.
He still gets his heart broken in the smallest things, hiding in a "I'm okay, I can do it."
I'm happy I witnessed both the boy and the man.
And I'm happy I get to experience to love this boy and this man.

are you scared, little one?
uncertainties,
changes,
uncomforts,
life.

what did you feel when you read those words, little one?
fear,
pain,
scared,
running away.

we often get scared,
we often get scarred.

but at the end of the day,
those words will always be there,
haunting us,
affecting us,
stirring us.

let's have the pain be the building blocks of our strength, little one.
change is something that we need to embrace.

I went out today for a walk.
Dark clouds were looking down on me,
I know rain is coming.
All I could think on that moment was,
“I should’ve prepared an umbrella,
I only have my jacket on me.”
Looking at the dark clouds scared me.
It feels like it will devour me alive.
I felt the pour of drizzle on me as I expected the rain to come.
Just then, I noticed the dark clouds moving,
Moving away from where I was.
And on that moment, all I could think was,
“I never wear my jacket during walks,
Good thing I brought my jacket.”
As the dark clouds pass me by,
Eighteen thirty on the clock,
Blue sky was seen.
It was only a matter of time before I see the moon.

meaningless,
it's so ironic that this word has meaning while calling itself meaningless

but maybe that's how life is,
people move,
animals survive,
things innovate.

but for what?
some may say it's for convenience,
for a better world to live in.
but is the world getting better?

day by day, we lose purpose and we gain some at the same time,
life is ironic, and yet has its own system
that people live, to live
and people survive, to survive

I don't even know the purpose of this writing
but these words keep pouring
trying to make sense, but don't make sense at the same time.

people come, people go
we cry, we laugh, we feel
sometimes emptiness comes,
and we came to the age where people usually say that everything that's happening is normal.

are all of these normal?
or are we just getting used to these?

There are many cases that we met the ones we’re destined to, right person in wrong timing.
But is it really wrong timing?
We met, for the reason that we are to meet someday.
We met, for there is no other time than ‘right now’ and ‘at this moment.’
We met, since we’re living in this world full of lies and deception, that it would take time to know who is who.
We met, to prepare ourselves for something so grand, so magical, that God knows we’re not ready yet.
Wait, maybe that’s the right term.
Not wrong timing, but we’re not just ready.
We’re not ready, but time will tell.
We met, unprepared. And we meet again, still unprepared but now carrying one’s soul.
Bond grew tighter, as if connected ever since born.
We met, to know each other. And we meet again, to stay.
I love you.