That girl carried pain and wore it like a jewelry.

I went out today for a walk.
Dark clouds were looking down on me,
I know rain is coming.
All I could think on that moment was,
“I should’ve prepared an umbrella,
I only have my jacket on me.”
Looking at the dark clouds scared me.
It feels like it will devour me alive.
I felt the pour of drizzle on me as I expected the rain to come.
Just then, I noticed the dark clouds moving,
Moving away from where I was.
And on that moment, all I could think was,
“I never wear my jacket during walks,
Good thing I brought my jacket.”
As the dark clouds pass me by,
Eighteen thirty on the clock,
Blue sky was seen.
It was only a matter of time before I see the moon.

what if i really love unconditionally?
what if, all the people that went through and is still in my life, i loved them dearly? like the love that “i’ll do anything for you.”
but i’m just held back by traumas. i’m held back by unhealthy patterns, like the lyric, “i’ve watched this movie before and i know the ending” kind of feeling.
i never really regretted every decision that i had, but it’s sad. it’s still making me sad.
that living in this earth, there was always no option for me to stay.
that staying will make me feel miserable.
that the decision of staying isn’t exactly what i feel like i should do.
and it *****, you know? because i’m so tired, and i just really wanna have a constant in life. a constant in everything.
i do have friends who i treat as constants, and i firmly know that they’ll stay.
but i want someone to be my companion. that it’s more painful to let go than to hold on. that i have no choice but to stay. and that person will fight for me, for us.
the same way i’ll fight for us, too.