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why is it so hard to follow a dream
that society doesn't approve of?
it's either choosing to live while walking through thorns
or choosing to be dead whilst surviving,
doing the things that kills you inside
i hope one day it will all makes sense. i hope one day i could start this journey, this dream of mine that society won't ever approve of. that my parents won't approve of. i hope one day i could fully believe in myself enough to sacrifice everything just for this dream.
She
That girl carried pain and wore it like a jewelry.
I went out today for a walk.
Dark clouds were looking down on me,
I know rain is coming.
All I could think on that moment was,
β€œI should’ve prepared an umbrella,
I only have my jacket on me.”
Looking at the dark clouds scared me.
It feels like it will devour me alive.
I felt the pour of drizzle on me as I expected the rain to come.
Just then, I noticed the dark clouds moving,
Moving away from where I was.
And on that moment, all I could think was,
β€œI never wear my jacket during walks,
Good thing I brought my jacket.”
As the dark clouds pass me by,
Eighteen thirty on the clock,
Blue sky was seen.
It was only a matter of time before I see the moon.
In life, it’s only a matter of changing perspectives and you’ll see how everything just passes.
for someone who experienced β€œdeath” of the people i cared for in different ways and perspectives

i’m wondering why i’m not becoming numb
what if i really love unconditionally?
what if, all the people that went through and is still in my life, i loved them dearly? like the love that β€œi’ll do anything for you.”
but i’m just held back by traumas. i’m held back by unhealthy patterns, like the lyric, β€œi’ve watched this movie before and i know the ending” kind of feeling.
i never really regretted every decision that i had, but it’s sad. it’s still making me sad.
that living in this earth, there was always no option for me to stay.
that staying will make me feel miserable.
that the decision of staying isn’t exactly what i feel like i should do.
and it *****, you know? because i’m so tired, and i just really wanna have a constant in life. a constant in everything.
i do have friends who i treat as constants, and i firmly know that they’ll stay.
but i want someone to be my companion. that it’s more painful to let go than to hold on. that i have no choice but to stay. and that person will fight for me, for us.
the same way i’ll fight for us, too.
wrote last 2/22
i feel invisible, everyday.
i feel detached to everyone.
people see me, but they don’t see me as to how i see myself.
i don’t have a person right now.
maybe soon, i’ll meet someone.
maybe soon, i’ll meet my person.

a person who can see me, who can hear me, and who can truly value me as to how i see, hear, and value myself.
Love is peace.
Love is where the birds chirp in the sky, no smoke is seen.
Love is where the wind blows right, hair strands in sync with the flow.
Love is where the cars mildly run on a highway, no over-speeding.
Love is where kids are running in a wide field, catching each other as if they are in another universe.
Love is where balloons are filled with helium, held by a kid's hand.
Love is where foods are all over the place, people patiently lining up to buy food, catching up with their friends while they wait.
Love is where you can hear laughters loud and clear, as if reality is so far away.
Love is where you hear the sea waves gently clash through the rocks.
Love is where you share picnic mat with your friends, or coworkers, sharing food.
Love is where you look at the skies, talking to someone you love, as if you're both alone in the world.
Love is where you made someone smile in the little things that you do.
Love is everywhere. Peace is everywhere.
You just have to look for it.
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