it's time to completely let go,
quietly.

For this day, a lot of thoughts has been going through my mind. Is this the saddest Christmas? Or the Christmas where we realized that things aren't the way as they were before?

meaningless,
it's so ironic that this word has meaning while calling itself meaningless

but maybe that's how life is,
people move,
animals survive,
things innovate.

but for what?
some may say it's for convenience,
for a better world to live in.
but is the world getting better?

day by day, we lose purpose and we gain some at the same time,
life is ironic, and yet has its own system
that people live, to live
and people survive, to survive

I don't even know the purpose of this writing
but these words keep pouring
trying to make sense, but don't make sense at the same time.

people come, people go
we cry, we laugh, we feel
sometimes emptiness comes,
and we came to the age where people usually say that everything that's happening is normal.

are all of these normal?
or are we just getting used to these?

Hi.

I don't know why I just felt like writing to you today. It's 4:39 AM, and it's funny how I just re-read the last conversation we had, even though the only thing left is what you said.

Well, I'm writing to say that I've finally healed. I can finally say this, that I've completely healed. And with this, I wanna say (from the bottom of my heart) that I'm sorry. I said plenty of hurtful words that you don't deserve. You've been kind to me, you were there when I needed someone to listen, you became a friend to me. A true friend, and what did I give back in return? Pain. There's no enough sorry to remove the sins I did to you. I'm still bothered by what I did actually. I kept saying to myself that that's the only way that I can forget, but it's funny how up until now I can't forget. Maybe it's karma for me. That I can't forget a person that made me feel special. So, I apologize once again.

It's really funny how after six months there's still no changes in my life. I'm still stuck in my room. The words I said before, like how I would like to talk to you again after six months, I was hoping that my life would be better. But yep, after six--no seven actually, I still am here, stuck. And I still can't trust other people, and the person I've thought when I'm not okay and I'm in a fight with my bf, is you. You're the only friend I've considered in this life. But, I hope that soon I can meet other people who I can trust the same thing as how I trusted you.

And I also wanna say, even though it's ironic and hypocrite of me to say, that I hope you're happy. I hope you're smiling. I hope you have someone to tell your small and trivial things again. From the very bottom of my heart, I hope you're smiling genuinely. And I hope those people you trust and keep won't betray or leave you.