Your absence, a petty guilt,
threw daggers from the inside my my mind.
A personal demon dragged up from Hell to replace you.
He picked up your old ****** needles.

Put them to good use on me.

the only thing university taught me was that you can get away with anything if you say it the right way

Can you tell?
  Can you guess?
That there's a beating, in my chest,

But my heart is not here.

There's blood, tissue, bones,
  But the emotions are clear.

My mind does not live with me,
  nor my heart.
We are apart.

Where are you.

A beating heart, outside the cavity of my chest.

Where is it.
Can you tell,
  Can you guess?

i      have      lines—      i      have     a     title,
i      had     a     head—      i       have     a    body,
but            i     have    no   structure  and   no common themes    to   me
no    hook  and    no  conclusion
i    am    a mess  of      l e t t e r s     and   run   on  sentences and  no       commas      and       no     periods        and       no       pauses
people       like    purpose  and       i       am  a    waste  of    your       i  n  k

when i sleep i sleep alone happily
because we never slept together to begin with
and i don't have your warmth to miss if i
have always lived under blankets and not arms
(but i know i would miss you if i'd had you)

It happened again.

I can't remember the last time it happened because my mind
doesnt exist
between milliseconds
I wrote this today
Posted it yesterday

we took no pictures and shared no public words—
the most noticeable love:
the one that almost never even existed.

all you left on me was fingerprints
and even those have started to fade

I told you once, that my nihilism
was the only thing I ever bet with.
I wasn't lying, then, really,
when I told you I had nothing to lose.

I am
the butcher who chopped apart her soul—
Drained blood into words.
Ground the bones into a bag and
Fed it to the birds

My people, I
Am tired of grass,
The blades are tasteless
And it takes much too long
To fill this growing flesh.

Let us eat the bugs
That eat the grass;
And save ourselves the time.

My people, these crickets
Are too crunchy,
And once again,
I am eating for days to fulfill this need.

My people, we
Have grown so big
That we must go
One step above
And pierce the sky
And eat the Gods.

I touched you and I took you with a sip of wine but I
(contrary to what I thought at the time)
made the mistake in thinking it's make
you mine.

must be a lesson
or at least a sick sign

In front of her, lies—

                  —What,
                  are you looking at
                  Mother?

"Nothing, dear. Just
the clouds against a seventh
day's barrier."

My uncle killed himself and the only kind of suicide note he left was a grocery list.

How sickly, the world of man
Who devote only
but a day to all
expression.

You said you were drafted
and I
misunderstood.
For a fleeting second I almost thought
that I could pull you out of my drafts, polish you, and publish you.

I ask you not
to step on and snap this silence
that the city bus creates
humming gently into a permanent
tread mark.
A footprint of
the squinting spark.






Silence!
Speaks to everyone.

"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."*

I say it twice.
Not to enforce a point
but to give both of us
a copy.

I, myself, perhaps a sinner.
You, ourselves, we are:
The saint.

I crossed my bed to find you
and found the Atlantic Ocean instead

even after a hundreds years of abandonment,
people still will visit ruins.

It is five in the morning, I think,
for I cannot see the clock,
and the contacts are out of

     My eyes

ache with a hollow unknown.

How pitiful, I must be,
When even sleep will not take
     my sorry soul.

I am

Watching adventure
Through my glass bedroom window.
What more must I say?

you fade like mist dissipating over water and
my neck turns less with every calendar day crossed off.

You got better, I got bitter.

Of back rows, front rows—
Broken eye contact—Day dreams—
And quantum physics.

You will never find

what you want—

Only what you wanted.

WHEN I WAS FIFTEEN, THE FIRST PERSON I WOULD EVER GROW UP TO LOVE TOLD ME THAT TO BELONG WAS THE GREATEST THING HUMANITY HAS ACHIEVED.

"JE SUIS A TOI, TU ES A MOI, I AM SORRY FOR MY AWFUL VERB CONJUGATION."

I AM THEIR AGE NOW AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

WERE YOUR IDEAS FORMED LIKE HYDROGEN TO HELIUM OR WAS IT OXYGEN, LITHIUM, CARBON, COPPER.

I AM NOT YOURS, YOU ARE NOT MINE. MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL WANT TO BELONG TO SOMEONE BUT I WILL NEVER WANT SOMEONE TO BELONG TO ME.

halfof   the appeal   isthe f o r m a t    !
         ((cold blood doesn't bleed
         if your
         heart doesnt beat))

when
the    snow
is falling—

(my blood runs black_)

oh—when
the snow is
f a l l  i   n     g

He took me to the river,
Said that careful phrase.

"We were never lovers"

Laid me on blue haze.
Like a floating flower petal,
I skim atop his grip.

"We were never lovers,"
Said the water on his lip.

"If only in the next life,
My words will become true."

As my lover closed my eyes
And plunged me into blue.

U n I r love letters—
O, tucked in bottles and
cast out @ c.

"You're sweet, little dove;
now bend down and **** me like
a good girl. Good girl"

I've tried to die seven times and succeeded in all but this one.

I am setting your soul on fire
Like that pack of Player's Light
I will burn on in your mind.

Because the fire on the horizon
Was brighter
Than any light
You could have given me.

I thought I was the horizon
who blocks ocean and air
from ever marrying.

No,
only birds can overcome me.
Gravity
gravity
gravity.

i still have trouble
trying to teach myself
to touch something that
i never even thought existed
in the first place


my fingers go right through you

Did we teach ourselves to see?
Do we imagine touch?
What do we strive to be,
Ask for so much?
Were we built with this instinct?
    To breathe?
    To sleep?
    Survive?

Or were we given it?
From our creators?
    Creator?

Are we their creation,
    That has created their own?
The forgotten plant planet,
    That has lived; grown?

Is it miracle or mistake,
That we cannot judge,
    Our creations,
With an unbiased eye?
No, we can only judge other's.

Did we make this up?

True, false.
Born by blood, live by pulse.

This is all we know.

Did we make this up?

Hate, Love.
A molten core, celestial above.

Directions are simply words.
Is time as well?
Is emotion?

Did we make this all up?

A beginning, an end.
Just to feel, just to understand,
    comprehend.

You use italics to cover up the fact that all of the words you speak are your father's.

*"Because no one wants to tilt their head to read between the lines"

War,
War changes.
From rifle ranges
to a poison gas blast,
Not last, an atomic bomb.

Calm is not our future.


War,
War never changes.
A hate between two—
Through working men fought
Caught up in the past
Outlasting hate.

"How do you prefer to fall?"*


Test me.
Test my patience
And my soul
Test my heart within my whole.

I like a challenge, a puzzle.
I am too accustomed to easy.


Make me wonder why I am even here,

Let me delve the answers from my inner core.

the water was cold and your tongue was blue—
you made me feel like liquid iron
with a crown of golden seaweed.
the water was cold and your tongue was blue—
color slipped from your eyes as the waves took you home.

Coins with one side
live forever
on the side
of the street
and are stuck
in the corners
of cedar-topped tables
you never clean
anymore.

Give me two faces and
place your bets on me.

Give me two faces and
spin me in the air.

So shining, so vivid, so bright.
You were a star,
My genie at night.
You were so far.

So many girls looked up,
They thought it was love,
But you only hooked up.

I tried to be special,
to stand out and shine.
But I'm only human,
I can't claim space as mine.

The other thing that I want now,
Is for another star to show you how
It feels to be played,
Looked at by the sun,
And know you weren't the only one.

I'll look upon you, falling star.
Sinking closer, no longer far.

My wish is for all the girls you've played,
To think, to dream, recall,
and make wishes from your downfall.

This fence between our lawns is failing but we will still keep these lines drawn, like spray paint on the side of a closed restaurant.

And I will look but never cross the line.
And I will look but never cross the line.

I rust like an iron oxide coating
(like you showed me how to do).

Supernova, how I wish,
I still were in love with you.

Two years ago could never
come back
so fast.

My present is paining me.
I retreat into my past.

Time's a number, same with age
but I'd break those restrictions and do it all again
for one more night with you.
for one more night with you.

I could decipher your writing,
Every loop, curve, and line.
I know all of your secrets,
and you know all of mine.

I picture your past
as if I have lived it instead.
Your voice is my conscience,
Guiding my head.

I know how you died,
On that night, all alone.
But your favorite color,
I never have known.