my heart bursts
with the beat
of all my blood
pumping at once.
not bound.
not bound.
but bouncing back to
basics.

I'll always

see
your eyes closed
like chapel doors.

feel
your hands on my hips.
never thought you'd
explore heaven so early

hear
you pray
to someone who, 'sure as hell
ain't God.

Slapped myself on ketamine
and found that it
hurt more than it did
than when I actually had
some feeling in me.

there's ecstasy in empathy
or was it the other way around?
i forgot on the day
i needed it most.

'You were going 210km/h
when you headed into heaven.

"Originality is dead."
Said the boy with life inside his head.
Lead to spread the word,
needle and thread it into the verb.
The unsaid is misread.
You're not ahead of your time.
You're behind.

I still find the taste of you
(both name and skin)
hidden under my tongue.

I remember when my pulse slowed
in its comfort.
How strange it is
to feel my heart
beat in rhythm
once again.

Fuzzy eyes to forget
who we are and
who we aren't with.
Because these definitely aren't our names
and somehow
it's helping.

I sip my drink in waterfalls
looking to fill a hole
whose origin I haven't quite
yet figured out.
I make the same mistake
because maybe I can fill this void
with all the luck of the 3rd time
with all the regrets of the coming 4th.

I am the problem of my creator
I am the creation of my problems

The proof is laying next to me in the morning but
I still find myself wondering
If September 2nd ever existed at all

Failing class because I'm distracted
Impacted by your body extracted
Mine reacted with you.

There was nothing I could do.
There was nothing I could do.

Even though social networks have fallen away,
Lost in translational love.
I still exist in the closets of your mind
And I know you still open them.

I hope it hurts again
when you drop your vice.
I know it certainly burned when
you let me go.
There's still a hole
in your heart.

The silence rings
like church bells
at three in the morning,
counting off
your debts
to you, me,
and everyone you've never spoken to.

I need you to
Hate me
So you can live
cageless.

I will always find
yellow feathers
in my bed.

-
I wonder if wise men ever existed in the first place
because they certainly didn't in
the last place,
last night
.

I sit on a long wooden balance beam
Asking *"please, just give me a break."

Fighting was beautiful while it lasted.
Appreciation stems from things contrasted.

Looking over my course guideline for philosophy 100 and all I can think of is how I could combine you and documentaries on Plato and Leibniz to cover both love and homework. My mom always told me to "work smarter not harder." The thought it always turning to you like (hour) hands on my (clock) face.

I had a dream where I purged you of technology
(There was a beach at our feet)

I had  dream where I     met you\
you dissolved away in the surf—
pixel by pixel

Hopeless, yeah.
A little useless
and destructive

but ****, it made me happy.

I am the scientist sitting on the pew
Holding a textbook bible.
I don't question you.

I am the jellyfish that sits
in the bloom of your waters,
looming my lines across your ocean
motioning you towards my toxicity.
I'm water, I'm water
Simplicity.

Hell froze over
The Devil stolen in ice
Now I've got nobody
to give my favorite advice

I cough—crimson flowers bloom on my palms,
sooner than the atom bomb can fall.

(Sprawling across
my fingertips, vines licking at my rose-hips, grinding
in a vice grip. I cough—the thorns shoot out of my stem
—cells. I am Eve and I've made my Garden out of spells.)

I thought I was the horizon
who blocks ocean and air
from ever marrying.

No,
only birds can overcome me.
Gravity
gravity
gravity.

i long for that hip-held vibration.
secret shower/ *******.
you're a product of my imagination.
only temptation. lonely location.
find me in my blind elation.
waiting. waiting.
lost in translation.

I watch Magic Bullet infomercials and
fondly think of you
and how you would
laugh at every line
I recite
from memory.

Sitting, I
see a spider married to air. I
wonder what it'd be like—
creating something only I
can see. And then I
realize. I
already know.

I ask you not
to step on and snap this silence
that the city bus creates
humming gently into a permanent
tread mark.
A footprint of
the squinting spark.






Silence!
Speaks to everyone.

we see angels in forklifts fixing our powerlines but we never see the snake in the river handing out our medication. it's mediation that keeps us mellow.
monday's blues.
tuesday's yellows.

I wish I found you before your first rolled 5 dollar bill
your vertebrae goes viral into a double helical spiral.
acid dripping from your spinal— tap.
tap. tap. tap.
i am knocking on your door.
"must i never see your youth again?
just live this age still useless."


you're calm but

your mind is ruthless.

My pulse skips from rocky mountains/ to rolling hills/ to plateaus./
glaciers to deserts—
my skin deserts the ground.

Like, unlike.
We collide:
head on.
Shooting back instantly,
we ricochet:
never returning.

One day I'll be able to paint my mind
and it'll be that exact shade of eyes.

I look at these four letters
I use but cannot ever
truly own//
You will never be my blackness.
Never meet my skin
on your
skin.
s-s-senses
dont sense you.
cant seem to
finger on-
trigger-
it
back.
pull.
now
we
go.

I can't.
Can't I?

Chalk, felt, feather-pens.
construction paper ends
glued to gift you a shift in-
to happiness:
You need bliss.
You don't have bliss.



I can give you this.

but really i was always too afraid to say
"be my tonight and you'll be my tomorrow"
and i don't know how long forever is but
we can find out,
right?

so we pour salt on slugs and watch them shrivel away
'cause you used say, "let's be human here."

disappearing was never our forté
but we could make it his.

-
-
you are not special
you are not special
you are only
my imagination.
you are not my foundation, fixation, frustration.

you are fire flirtation.
pupil dilation.
tablet temptation.

closed circuit consideration.
and this is all you will ever be.
you were never my medication.

you are not special
you are not special
the mantra is *******

solemn day out at sea
when even words
won't talk to me.

I build bridges
I don't burn them.

And with every bridge I turn to
I look for the white paint lines of
"I Love Sarah Murphy."
Because I find that bridge
is the only road home

Little blue, little blue.
Picked up in the night.
3am may be black but

8 is sure bright.

My fingers are just
a concept.
My mind,
a theory.



(my skin:
papyrus)

You said you were drafted
and I
misunderstood.
For a fleeting second I almost thought
that I could pull you out of my drafts, polish you, and publish you.

I wrap my body around my mind
I wrap my arms around my ego