Harsh stabs in my throat.
I let them slice through.
Your words cut me sometimes,
But I let them go for you.

I wonder why I always tiptoe,
Why I swallow my tongue,
Like I swallow food.
Why I abandon myself,
To enjoy the pleasures of you.

My worries are small,
Yet they eat me alive,
Paralyzing my thoughts
Until guilt takes root.
A slow, relentless bloom.
I have no reason to be upset
And still I can sense,
A dark cloud in my coffee,
Eagerly waiting to burst
And ruin the mood.

Joylessness, Loneliness -
Instilled in me from the moment,
My eyes opened to the world.
Unforgiving, Wounded,
I carried dead weight already.

While my parents gleamed
With unconditional,
Paradoxically absent love -
I let out the biggest cry.

I used to be able to hold the tides.
They bent to my will,
With absolute ease.
Now, they pull me under.
Deep down, I always knew -
Water would betray me.