when everything around me is blue
nothing doesn't remind me of you
like riding a bike
or tying a shoe
moments don't go the way you want them to
and i'll whisper your name when they
ask me *who?

the paralleled walls
that the spiders dance along
crawling to the song
playing just before the dawn
under the shimmering sneaky sky
eyeballs glaring allow the sun to rise

like a sugar coated table saw blade
serrated and waiting which my heart evades
as it stands up and shouts repent
i apologize, in the name of self defense

i wish to be a faucet
the water my obnoxious wanting
as it falls i watch it
wash away your subconscious
and all the frivolous caution
you so obviously flaunted
i'm more like a kleenex
a tissue unworthy to be issued
in the box whispering pick me next
maybe being used is better than being kissed
abused but so cute til you scream
with your eyes you're dismissed
the others will be so confused
as i smile amongst hollow mountain dew
bottles and torn paper with glue
because you cry when you laugh too
i'll take what i can get

"you're depressed"
they say.
"you won't go to class
you won't eat
all you do
is sleep
you're depressed"
they say.
"i'm surrounded by failures"
he says.
dad, it's not my fault
i don't want to go
"i'll have to think about this all day"
he says.
me too
dad.
"i have psychological stuff wrong with me
from trying to deal
with all of this
the least you could do
is go to school"
he says.
i can feel the slam of the door
in my ears
"you're disrespecting me"
he says.
i told my bestfriend
that i'm not eating
not sleeping
or maybe sleeping too much
i told her
i blacked out
lost all sense
of hearing
seeing
feeling
fell down
"you're depressed"
they say.

You make fun of me, call me fat, mock me all day.
But then, you tell me you love me.
Well, news flash.
Thats. Not. Love.
Your words have actually driven me to become depressed.
Its nights like tonight when I truly think I hate you.
But yet if I told you I were depressed you would be mad.
You would yell at me and tell me how great I have things.
And thats really not what anyone in my condition wants to hear.
So I guess I will suffer in silence until you finally realize how much pain I am in.
And how much pain you are causing me.

i scroll through
the symptoms;
the signs once more
finally screen-shotting them
only so i do not have to keep
looking and re-looking
them up

i rummage through the very
personal box of writings
hidden under my bed
i find the paper
with the heading of:
How I See Me, How I Am
following the undepthed title
is a list of short, spiked written words,
words that, all though so very short, mean so much
and ache even worse

down to the bottom of the list my finger skims
my eyes scattered throughout the words
and my tears scarring the paper
finally at the the bottom
i grab the pen and finish the list
with one simple word

depressed

(a.b)

Depressed
From life
From the cold stares
Mean voices
Feeling invisible in every room
I turn
I'm done
With trying my hardest
I'm all alone
With no one to turn to
When i need distractions