Claw beneath your ribs
Hold down wild you
Just for a little while
Feel the anguished flutter
Begging these gruff hands . . .


1.
Fear takes commotive hold
Makes wooden legs
Delayed dance…..so delayed
Causing silent attendance of synchrony

No use stepping out for flight just yet, if alone
Will meantime practise wing-span
                           iron out brittle energy
                           attempt to fortify links
                           ..

2.
Careless snubs to fragile sapling
Did *absolutely nothing
To the course set out
Only hypocrites squander even half-truths
and wallow in obsequious words
rendering paralysis and decay

I will continue to claw beneath your ribs
Covert trove awaits us
In the tormented form of
Crashing waves on a broken coast
Hacked to near-distraction by potent searching


3.
Loss is not wasted
unseen by its absence:
evocative presence felt …with penniless eyes

I challenge you to visualise our melting:
                 perched on fate’s right shoulder
                 re-sent to this basic arena as buoyant token
                 summoned by that primordial, blue light
                 ..



the sun may well baulk and melt
at the ruddy sight of
such intense clawing beneath your ribs
(like your customary digging into my bristling blades)

To find my foetal place
within the calling drumbeats
of imperative you . . .




S T, sunsday . . . 21 July 2013

I feel like a small frightened child, one who has become lost in the deep dark woods of every child’s nightmares, cold, alone, well past “losing one’s cool” and just precious inches away from “flipping one’s ****,” the only things that I possess a flashlight that I cannot figure out how to switch on, a compass that only points backwards and a magical, wish granting genie that only speaks in a language that I have never heard and therefor do not  understand while at the same time am not understood, whose only option to improve his situation is to sit in one spot and wait for help to arrive but what if it doesn’t  so I am forced to action to fashion crude tools and build a shelter and hunt and cook and survive because no one is going to find me and I am not going to find my way out, so I must live in the forest of nightmares and darkness...
...and then I begin to wonder if that small child is not a child at all, but an aging man in a worn bathrobe, alone in a darkened room in an asylum, sitting under a table with a bed sheet hanging over the sides like a makeshift tent, trying desperately to find the “ON” button of an empty pill bottle while I wait for a wound out, wind up clock to find North during the stock market numbers on the local Hispanic radio station, forever stuck in the nightmare forest created by his own mind, which is somehow less terrifying than the reality of his unreality...
...because it is beginning to become very muddled in both of those places and I am beginning to lose track of his self so here looks like a good place to sit down and wait for help to not arrive and over there a good spot to build a temporary cemetery plot to rest my weary hours and while away the bones because unless I figure out a way to sort his self out, I will forget to send for help that I am tired of waiting for and the seconds in the dark that were not there a moment ago and may not be here now will be gone forever when the clock strikes South-East and I am left alone again with only a snot nosed codger and a loony old brat, looking out a window that directly faces a brick wall, watching and praying for the sun to rise on its horizon.

The tree’s don’t sleep at night

they photosynthesize , by moonlight.

Leaves drink in the cool wise light

And give off dreams of softly fading starlight



Whispers of secrets , monthly unfurl

A single blossom falls at new moon

Hurtling to the ground, awake before noon

Ever noticed? The very word has the circle

Curled up in the centre , twice to make sure we remember , two full cups , not one.



Geko’s slip off old skins

And the croaking frog adds to the din

As thunder rolls in

Triggering the dogs bark

Guardian of the stark naked couple

Asleep in their parallel worlds

Together under the umbrella of ambient lighting

Not the natural kind either

But a shameless copy of pure sunlight

That emenates when their bodies collide

On the material plane.



Astral visions lead the way to headquarters

The address? Fax? Phone number?

I’m afraid you’ll have to dial again ,

Unless you’ve meditated on the vibration of emancipation

Then you would already know, you are already there

Doors are open , for those who care to try

No lock on this baby ,

Ain’t no safe to play safe

We bask in our humble glory

Under the shores on undulating tides

Rhythmic pulsations

no where to hide

The emanations come from within,

Without , a shadow of a doubt



There is a war coming , infact we’ve already been fighting for decades

Just like the change of winds, nature knows her stuff

Tip the seeds too soon and you’ll end up with a field full of fluff

But just in time and a harvest with enough to reduce every super market shelf to dust

Even though they already stock that kinda stuff

Clean up on Aisle 4, Aisle 3 , Aisle 2 , Aisle 1

Return the purchase , we’ve discovered the ****

In the cake

And we found the frog in the salad,

At least their habitat is intact

Or did you think I was still talking about the shops?

When you get the news
that I've left swinging from a noose
to rid my head of not only the blood but
all the terrible thoughts
you put in
with your gun shots
of cruel words + icy empty eyes.
Don't you dare act like you
ever gave half a ****,
or like you'll miss my presence,
or how you'll crave
my skin upon yours again.
Don't you ******* dare
scream out to the world
how you miss me so
or explain how I'd lend you my broken pieces
to try + fix you + help you be less broken.
When I was truly the broken one -
broken into a million pieces -
inside + out.
No, please.
Please, don't you dare
leave just yet.
These are my last words.
Don't you dare interrupt me,
this time.
I beg,
it'd be best if you'd just shut the **** up.
+ listen to me,
for once.
Yes,
you're going to finally hear me out,
for once.
Just please,
I deserve to be listened to,
for once.
This is your fault.
I want or more so need you to know that.
I mean, you know everything else.
You knew I was broken.
+ you knew I was hurt.
+ you knew I was lost.
+ you knew I needed your help,
but I was not good enough.
I was too berserk.
Maybe what people say is true,
maybe people are worth more dead
than they were alive.
Don't you dare
put this paper down,
+ give up on me, again.
I've drained my heart + soul into this pen
+ I've allowed this pen to dance freely
on this piece of paper.
You will soak up every word,
for me.
+ taste every syllable,
for me.
+ I will be watching
+ I will be hoping
you fall apart
just as I did.
Comical how things work out,
isn't it?
sh, calm down.
Stop blaming my insanity.
Baby, you did this to us,
not me.
I'm so sorry.
I will not be vicious during your downfall
like you were towards me during mine.
I can explain this.
I can justify this.
I can show you why.
All the shattered pieces
that broke off of me.
I've decided not to destroy
these leftover pieces
like I've destroyed myself.
I want you to know
it wasn't easy
being alone
being casted out
+ feeling lower
than the mantle
+ I can tell
this may never make sense to you.
I knew it was ridiculous
of me to think
someone as perfect as you
could help someone
as helpless as myself.
+ I knew it was so ******* stupid
of me to think
someone as flawless as you
would actually give a **** about
someone as unimportant as me.
But I know that
I am a human being too
just like you
+ I know I deserve
love + attention too.
How dare you?
How dare you?
How ******* dare you?
How could you do this to me?
Look what you've done.
You took someone
who was already crushed
+ you picked her up
+ you allowed her to
feel a new type of rush,
but then what did you do?
You dropped her,
just like everyone else before you did.
I had the best of intentions.
When I met you
I thought to myself
yea
I will sneak a peek
+ maybe blush when he looks my way
so just maybe he will feel
the same rush.
But **** my intentions.
I meant well!
I truly meant well,
but look where that has left me.
I'm more lost than I was before
you came along.
Because let's forget my intentions
+ lets take a second
to question yours.
If you merely wanted to
smash + dash
you could have done so
but instead you got to know me -
the parts that weren't so pretty
touching things that were not tangible
+ tasting memories that were sour.
So,
yes when I was cut open
+ analyzed
+ the person I thought was perfect
didn't like what he saw
+ he just left
without suing me back up
without saying good-bye . . .
I was left,
bleeding out
+ feeling empty.
But now,
you understand what everyone means
by "she's insane,"
now you believe it too.
They made you believe
that I was insane
+ now I believe it too.
That's me, now.
I'm insane
through + through.
+ I cannot succeed
living in the same world as them.
So here,
I will sacrifice myself for you.
Because I realize it wasn't just you,
+ I need to decide who
I'll give myself to.
Because I can only give so much
of myself to strangers
who look as if
they need something to keep
them going
until I just stop.
+ I've decided to stop
to stop breathing
to stop living
to stop existing.
I'm donating myself to you.
Don't you dare
think this is me giving myself to you
as a way to show my love.
I would just hate to be wasteful,
+ I know you're broken.
+ I know you know
people do not belong to people,
so take my ashes.
I've left them all for you.
When you're feeling low
I know you'll
grab your smokes
+ I know you'll grab your coffee, too.
I know how you like to roll your own
because it makes you feel more at home.
+ I know how you like to brew your own
because it taste more fresh on your breath.
+ I know you'll be tempted
to throw my ashes in.
+ I'd like you to know
that I do not object.
I actually encourage it.
Because now you truly understand:
that it isn't easy
+ that it isn't our fault
+ that you're morbid, too.
Don't you dare
forget this.

You've made me forget why I was so guarded,
+ you have made me forget how it felt
to be broken-hearted.
You've helped me remember how it felt to love,
+ you have helped me remember how one can feel
on cloud 9 + above.
But you see,
that was then + this is now.
Now everything is switched;
now everything is but a memory.
Your memories . . .
They're like toxic drugs:
they give me hallucinations of comfort + joy,
but they really hurt me, much more
than I already was.
Yet,
I choose to relive them in my head.
Your hugs. Your words. Your smile. Your scent.
Just please.
Please, make me forget you.
I do not want to remember.
I will not allow you to stay in me.
You made me remember what you made me forget
+ I did not see that coming.
My stupidity is no excuse.
You told everyone we were only "friends,"
so I suppose this is where that
"friendship," must end.
Because you're nothing.
Like a burnt-out flame or a forgotten memory.
You're nothing except history
that unfortunately had to repeat itself
for a reason I cannot explain.
But more importantly:
you're nothing to me.
Everyone knows history must happen
for us to learn
from the mistakes
from the past
so they will not reoccur.
But what you must understand is
this passage has happened to me
too many times + I'm afraid
I will never learn from my mistakes.
The only way out of this is to burn
the history book
or myself.
Which is easier?
I have not decided.

Moonlight fills the blackened sky
all the space in my head is occupied
wonder, worry, pain and sorrow.
All things that will change tomorrow
Linger in with heavy presence
As the stars are accented with a crescent.
The night brings hours, seconds, time,
thoughts of dull and thoughts of shine.
Between day and night is a fine line.
A line that thickens as the day winds
And darkness shadows all our views,
makes us see in a deeper hue
Sleep is only a fraction
Of ones, nightime reaction.