When you get the news
that I've left swinging from a noose
to rid my head of not only the blood but
all the terrible thoughts
you put in
with your gun shots
of cruel words + icy empty eyes.
Don't you dare act like you
ever gave half a ****,
or like you'll miss my presence,
or how you'll crave
my skin upon yours again.
Don't you ******* dare
scream out to the world
how you miss me so
or explain how I'd lend you my broken pieces
to try + fix you + help you be less broken.
When I was truly the broken one -
broken into a million pieces -
inside + out.
No, please.
Please, don't you dare
leave just yet.
These are my last words.
Don't you dare interrupt me,
this time.
I beg,
it'd be best if you'd just shut the **** up.
+ listen to me,
for once.
Yes,
you're going to finally hear me out,
for once.
Just please,
I deserve to be listened to,
for once.
This is your fault.
I want or more so need you to know that.
I mean, you know everything else.
You knew I was broken.
+ you knew I was hurt.
+ you knew I was lost.
+ you knew I needed your help,
but I was not good enough.
I was too berserk.
Maybe what people say is true,
maybe people are worth more dead
than they were alive.
Don't you dare
put this paper down,
+ give up on me, again.
I've drained my heart + soul into this pen
+ I've allowed this pen to dance freely
on this piece of paper.
You will soak up every word,
for me.
+ taste every syllable,
for me.
+ I will be watching
+ I will be hoping
you fall apart
just as I did.
Comical how things work out,
isn't it?
sh, calm down.
Stop blaming my insanity.
Baby, you did this to us,
not me.
I'm so sorry.
I will not be vicious during your downfall
like you were towards me during mine.
I can explain this.
I can justify this.
I can show you why.
All the shattered pieces
that broke off of me.
I've decided not to destroy
these leftover pieces
like I've destroyed myself.
I want you to know
it wasn't easy
being alone
being casted out
+ feeling lower
than the mantle
+ I can tell
this may never make sense to you.
I knew it was ridiculous
of me to think
someone as perfect as you
could help someone
as helpless as myself.
+ I knew it was so ******* stupid
of me to think
someone as flawless as you
would actually give a **** about
someone as unimportant as me.
But I know that
I am a human being too
just like you
+ I know I deserve
love + attention too.
How dare you?
How dare you?
How ******* dare you?
How could you do this to me?
Look what you've done.
You took someone
who was already crushed
+ you picked her up
+ you allowed her to
feel a new type of rush,
but then what did you do?
You dropped her,
just like everyone else before you did.
I had the best of intentions.
When I met you
I thought to myself
yea
I will sneak a peek
+ maybe blush when he looks my way
so just maybe he will feel
the same rush.
But **** my intentions.
I meant well!
I truly meant well,
but look where that has left me.
I'm more lost than I was before
you came along.
Because let's forget my intentions
+ lets take a second
to question yours.
If you merely wanted to
smash + dash
you could have done so
but instead you got to know me -
the parts that weren't so pretty
touching things that were not tangible
+ tasting memories that were sour.
So,
yes when I was cut open
+ analyzed
+ the person I thought was perfect
didn't like what he saw
+ he just left
without suing me back up
without saying good-bye . . .
I was left,
bleeding out
+ feeling empty.
But now,
you understand what everyone means
by "she's insane,"
now you believe it too.
They made you believe
that I was insane
+ now I believe it too.
That's me, now.
I'm insane
through + through.
+ I cannot succeed
living in the same world as them.
So here,
I will sacrifice myself for you.
Because I realize it wasn't just you,
+ I need to decide who
I'll give myself to.
Because I can only give so much
of myself to strangers
who look as if
they need something to keep
them going
until I just stop.
+ I've decided to stop
to stop breathing
to stop living
to stop existing.
I'm donating myself to you.
Don't you dare
think this is me giving myself to you
as a way to show my love.
I would just hate to be wasteful,
+ I know you're broken.
+ I know you know
people do not belong to people,
so take my ashes.
I've left them all for you.
When you're feeling low
I know you'll
grab your smokes
+ I know you'll grab your coffee, too.
I know how you like to roll your own
because it makes you feel more at home.
+ I know how you like to brew your own
because it taste more fresh on your breath.
+ I know you'll be tempted
to throw my ashes in.
+ I'd like you to know
that I do not object.
I actually encourage it.
Because now you truly understand:
that it isn't easy
+ that it isn't our fault
+ that you're morbid, too.
Don't you dare
forget this.