to tell you the truth,
I'm a nobody
searching in this world,
all this useless striving
Just trying to be a somebody
even though I've repeated the sinner's prayer many times
I'll never quite be saved from myself
and this is why I'll always stick close to God
Because God loves me like no one else

It's just funny, you see
because the earth is populated with billions of people
but I can't seem to find ones that genuinely love me
we really never learned how to love,
we love useless things instead
commodities that rot
but we don't know how to do what is most important,
and that is living from our heart

but this is why I lean on God,
God, my magnificent creator
and by this I know
I am infinitely loved
And I don't need
human love to confirm this to me.

Do you want to break away with me?
Break away from this systematic misery,
Enter the void of endless fantasy?

The air is thick,
I am heaving
Yet, still I am believing
for a day when I can breathe with ease,
For an escape
From perpetual heart-break,
And yet, what will I have to release?
Sacrifice my life,
For infinite joy
Surrender idle toys
for everything more

You, Disturbed Boy,
I like you,
I always have, I always will
There's a gravity pulling me to you,
You look up at me,
Towards the sun.
I smile.

Slow and steady wins the race, I’ve learned
Yet over the years all I’ve wanted to do
Was burn burn burn
Everything that held me back from my idealized life
But my ideals have changed countless times
I’ve traded in so many aspirations and dreams
That I can’t resolutely claim that what I want right now will still be what I want in the future
I will continue to change
This is all I know for sure

I can see my freedom like a mirage in the distance
I want to run to it and take hold of it
Claim it as my own and never let it go
But I’m still shackled to past trauma and its effects
That led me into circumstances difficult to egress
But I’ll spiral upwards now instead of downwards,
Steadily making my way out of the abyss,
Slowly but surely climbing my way to freedom
And when I reach the crisp air of the blue sky,
One step away from finishing the climb
I’ll thank the stagnant darkness for all of its unexpected gifts,
And everything I learned from it.

Everyone is boring!*
I scream
I feel it with every fiber of my being
People go after vain and useless pursuits
Your ego rides shotgun
While your soul suffocates, ******* in the trunk
It's easy to be this mind numbingly empty in this day and age
With all of our distractions
It's so easy
To wear beautiful clothes,
Inject botox,
Paint our faces
And see ourselves in the mirror as a complete and presentable person,
But we never make time to peek at our own hearts.
No, instead
We persist in our vapid lives
That we try to decorate with meaning
But all that meaning fails in the long run
Because we have become Egos incapable of true love...
The only solution to this
Is to make the long journey from the head to the heart..

The leaves are changing color,
They’re falling to the ground
Everything is dying,
Without a whisper, without a sound
And I’m here crying
Cause the world as I know it is burning
And there’s no saving it

I look out from my attic window
At the world below
These people are unaffected, I would suppose
They cannot feel it, they cannot see
That the world I’ve known is coming to an end
And in its demise it’s taken my false security

It’s all burning in wild flames now,
My little, perfectly constructed world

I have no other choice now but to take an unknown path
Cause what’s behind me is gone
And I won’t look back,
I’ll use these ashes as soil
To plant my broken heart in
So it can mend,
So it can grow past all it’s current limitations
Cause I’ve learned this before--
Worlds inevitably get torn apart
But if you’d just make it through the wreckage
You’d find new life beyond all the death,
You’d find the green meadow beyond the smoldering aftermath.

You know,
It's funny
People would think I would be
Mad or sad
About this
But I'm so very glad
I needed this,
I truly did
I truly truly did
I feel stronger,
Lighter,
Free
I'm growing into everything
I was meant to be.

I have existed within the womb
for four years now
I needed to
Before I had escaped back into the womb
I had experienced the harshest realities
Splitting me open
As if I were a frog being dissected
By a cold scientist named Life

I cried in that womb,
Most times I wanted to leave
Before I was ready,
Before I was fully developed
Before I was equipped to face
Both the harsh realities and
The splendid beauties
Of an earthly existence

I was a rose bud,
Tightly wound,
Not ready to open
Coaxing myself to open,
To be ready
Never did the trick

Only linear time
Got me to where I needed to be

These things take time

But patience was never a strength of mine
Yet,
Now I'm beginning to understand
The river of Life
And how it flows,
And how I simply must allow it
To go

And with every passing groove I grow
Incrementally,
And then all at once

The baby makes its way through the birth canal,
The flower blooms

My heart awakens
And now I'm ready
To follow her.

I don't believe in love the way I used to
I use to dream of far off fairy tale kingdoms
Where valiant princes rescue damsels in distress
But I've grown a lot, I've evolved
I like being strong for myself,
Having my own interests
And being liked for me and not just my appearance
I don't feel like I need love in a romantic sense
I feel like all my needs for love are met
By way of a diverse gang of interesting people
My patience is being cultivated
As I dive deeper into these intimate heart connections
That initially feel scary
But are so rewarding in the long run
Maybe I'm just training for the most soul-shattering
Love relationship in my life
But the dynamic of this relationship won't be the knight in shining armor, damsel in distress paradigm
But two whole people entering into a union of love
Shaped by boundaries
And molded by mutual respect
So, no
I no longer believe that anyone can "save" me in the form of a romantic relationship
I saved myself, with the support of my community
But ultimately,
I did the work, but my community allowed me to put my work into practice.

Eight years ago today
We hung out for the first time

We cut school-- tenth grade
We walked up the hill into the village

We got big slices of pizza
Then went to the bookstore

You were quiet, I was unsure of what to say but still talked
I said you were a good listener

You walked me home
We hugged and you said: "I'm gonna miss you"

I walked inside
I felt so happy.

It's melancholy, you know
Crying until dawn
Your mind seeks for answers
Everything is just wrong,
But your heart whispers hold on

I'm tired, you know
Of keeping up this act
Of smiling when I want to cry
Of being everyone's heroine
But when it's my turn to fall apart
All those I have rescued
Are nowhere to be found

My heart
Is becoming
Like a forest
Dense and thick with pines
The deeper I go
The more lost I become

I scream HELP ME
But I'm in a dream
And no one can hear me
No one can see me.

No,
I say
Nah, it couldn't be
Yeah, my insecurities are wrecking me
Keeping me safe,
Or so I thought
Yeah,
The most uncertain aspect of my life
Includes you

But tonight
I'll make a calculated jump,
Anyway,
I've been making a lot of leaps lately
Trusting that something will catch me

Cause I know I'll have to take some risks,
To get to where I want to be.

I walk the splintered sidewalks,
The smell of sewage permeates the air
People stare straight ahead with faces like hawks
So many people, but it still feels like nobody cares

I feel the heartbeat of the street below me
I feel it as I lose my equilibrium
Trains rumble beneath my feet
Everything is buzzing around me as I experience delirium

A tear wells up in my eye
For the city will perplex and overwhelm
I seek a place to run and hide
To try to get control of my inner-helm

This city must have a heart somewhere,
Because I can feel it beating
Sometimes I think behind every face that seems not to care
Is a broken heart that is bleeding.

We were meant to be shooting stars
Hurtling through space
We were created for big things,
For grand purposes,
And to share love

But age has a way
Of turning our hopeful hearts
Into cold and calculating cynics
With so many walls up,
We make it so hard
for people to love us

We protect our hearts
With a maze of thorny vines
And then we cry
Wondering why
Nobody truly loves
the soft and delicate infant
Hiding behind our eyes

You've got to go out on a limb,
Find the last bits of courage in your soul
And with that courage
You need to be fiercely authentic
On purpose
Within every moment

You must love so much
That you become love
Love yourself,
Love others,
And love God
Trade in your walls for boundaries
Don't allow people
Who don't know how to love
Hurt you

This process will take more time than you
Understand now
But just think of it like this:
You can't rush a pregnancy,
You can't rush a caterpillar's metamorphosis into a butterfly,
You can't rush an acorn to grow into an oak tree
You have to wait
For your soul to grow
Give it what it most needs through
This period of gestation,
The nutrients of the Soul:
Love,
Understanding,
Hope,
Joy,
Peace,
And whatever else
Your Soul calls for

Then one day,
You'll be walking down a busy sidewalk
And you'll catch a glimpse of yourself
In a storefront window
You'll do a double take
And notice that you couldn't recognize yourself
Initially because
Your face is softer now,
Kinder,
Happy

This journey
Of becoming
Who you were meant to be
Will continue on
For your entire lifetime
It's really more like
You are re-becoming
The person you were born into this world as:
Innocent, pure, and loving

God has a blueprint for each of our lives
But what happens to most of us
Is that this world
Causes us to become disconnected
To ourselves
And we lose ourselves
In trivial pursuits and ego desires
But you can find your way back home
To your heart
And rediscover
Who you were truly meant to be.

Fleur, so bright
You light up my night
You are the bold yellow moon
On an August night
In the dark navy sky
Littered with endless stars

I can see it in my mind's eye
You and me floating along
Poppy fields
Dancing down trails
Jubilation will be our infinite song

Sweet, tender cherry lips
From which I do wish to sip
Watch tenderly my soul
You grasp my hand
And my heart takes hold
Of all of you

Unleash all possibility
Music streaming down alleys of former desolation
Your sweet love raises my vibration
Cathart your whole heart to me

Place your hand over my heart,
And repeat after me:
*This heart loves you
With all of my being

You're sad,
You're lonely
There are people all around
But they are draining
Only when your cat, your dog or even your fish
Keep you company
Is when you finally feel understood,
Comforted,
Finally at peace
Your dog rolls up into a ball
And lays his head on your lap,
Your cat
Comes purring
Wrapping her tail around your legs
Your fish
Follows the tip of your finger
Tracing out a heart on the fishbowl

These pets we have
Take such good care of us,
Of our hearts
It's funny,
People have forgotten how to take care of their fellow human's hearts
But our pets, so loyal
Are always by our side,
Offering up their love
Free of cost and conditions.

Before we figure out how to be tenderly strong
we must first decipher what it means to be tenderly strong

To be tenderly strong
means to be soft and vulnerable,
playful like a child,
with a wide open heart
that jumps at every opportunity to share love

But that just covers the tenderness
We mustn't abandon our strength,
Our will to advocate for human rights
The New Thought movement has taught people
That there is no other,
That all evil is based in shame
And all aspects of life that are incongruent with peace
Are merely illusion
They say everything is love,
Even the act of ****** (I actually read that in a new thought book)
But calling evil things good
Only make us complacent delusional idiots
High on feel good endorphins
While we turn a blind eye to people's suffering

To be tender and to be strong
Seems almost at war with each other
But now I am seeing that you need to be tender first to be strong,
And you must be strong to protect your own tenderness
Your tenderness is your wide open heart that loves the whole world and everything in it,
Your strength puts that love into action
Your tenderness is wholly compassionate and can hold deep space for other's suffering and for your own,
Your strength knows how to measure out and deliver that compassion
Your tenderness is the friendly kid-like kindness that you want to gleefully share with everyone,
Your strength is the loving parent that sets healthy boundaries with the outside world, allowing the inner-child to play in security

You need both tenderness and strength
In relating to the world
you can't be too saccharine or people will walk all over you,
and you mustn't be too strong or people will never be able to know you intimately.

What if,
One day
I wake up from this years long slumber
And just go? Just leave?
What if I left everything behind
Disconnected from everyone, from the world
And set out on my own course?

Sometimes, I feel that pull in my heart
There’s so much confinement here,
So much mess
I just want to leave the mess
I don’t want to live up to my predefined roles
I just want to be free

There’s always some nagging thought in my head, and nothing is ever quite right
Or healed or whole
And you don’t understand how hollow that feels
There’s so much pain
And the pain keeps piling on
My heart is a tightly closed rose bud,
I miss the times it was open
When my heart’s open, I can breathe

But when I’m outside, on a trail
Gravel underfoot
The crunch, crunch, crunch quiets the mental chatter
I keep walking, one foot in front of the other
Until the civilized world is far behind me
And I begin to forget
Forgetting— that sweet freedom
I forget the pain.

Maybe if I run away
I’ll forget the pain.

They said all I am is a dreamer,
And that's all I'll ever be
Didn't you see
How much I had loved you?
But you overlooked me,
And now you're mad,
That I overlook you

Am I supposed to make myself blind,
To your every red flag within my sight?
You know I love your eyes
But did you ever realize
That maybe
All I needed
Was for you to work up the nerve to tell me?
I'm not like the other girls,
I need this to be real,
I refuse to settle for
Subpar love
I need something beyond feelings

Because I never sit still,
And I won't stay long
If the heart connection isn't strong
Maybe you see me as weak,
A woman overflowing with a spectrum of emotion,
But I don't attach easily,
I give my devotion rarely,
But when I finally do,
You can expect all of me

So what do you want?
Should we persist in sending ambiguous messages?
Kissing screens
Only dreaming of love,
Or will you grab my hand,
And sweep me off my feet?

Little light
Streaming through my window
Into my dark room
How I truly treasure you

Little light
Guide me in this eternal night
I can no longer fight
I completely surrender this plight

I live in unease
So please,
God, I call out to You
Set me free from this darkness that consumes me

I woke up early this morning
to find thorny vines
wrapped around me
The thorns pierced deeply
into my flesh
I howled,
My broken flesh bled
I lay tangled in a heap,
helpless on my bed

I finally wriggled myself free
I ran up to my mirror
to see
bruises and open wounds
All over my body
I fell to the ground and cried,
Because I saw myself
as ugly and broken
Who could ever love
Someone as hideous as me?

I cleared my bed of the thorny vines
And curled up into a ball on my white sheets
I left the world far behind
as I drifted off into
a silent world
of sleep.

My body bears the scars,
but it's my heart that bleeds.

These times of solitude are for growth,
Hours of writing, listening to music, reading, creating
Sometimes it can get lonesome and I'll feel bored
But I also sense deeply that this time is pivotal
to my development into the person I'm called to be in this world
It's a gestation period,
Where I'm being carried in the safety of God's womb
Until I'm mature enough
To embody and walk out
Everything I am learning.

Good or bad,
Everything falls apart
Everything is within the cycle of life—
Being born, growing and dying
There are many rebirths, new growths and mini deaths experienced throughout each persons life

That’s all I can really expect from this life:
That things will change

It will feel like most things have stayed the same
Like this sharp pain in my brain
But really, though the script has stayed relatively the same
The characters have aged,
Their hearts are frayed
My mind is slightly disarrayed

All I can do
Is swallow my pain whole
And surrender it to the great poet in the sky
Maybe she could rewrite the ending
Before I truly die.

I remember when I was a child—
A happy time
A feeling of joy present inside
But life’s rendered me numb
******* me dry of all the fun
Of letting go and loving someone

We’re stiff, starched, confused
Perfection never made a muse
Maybe our hearts are shut down from past abuse
I just want our love to be set loose,
Free
Like how we were before
Cushioned within a romantic dream

But why must reality be so harsh
And have us crashing down
When we see our lover's glaring imperfections
And the fear of potential heartbreak causes us to close our hearts

Memories of pain skew what’s possible
I want real, deep love
Enthralled and enraptured
Enveloped in the blinding light
Of a childhood happiness lost
And needing to be reclaimed.

Joy is pouring into me
Like a foreign liquid
Filling in the cavernous parts of my mind—
Synapses habituated by negativity
Are being transformed by fruitful possibility

Like light overcoming darkness,
The sun shines brightly
Yellow dream
Illuminating everything
Enveloped, but so free
I feel the darkness clearing
And my self blossoming within me.

You get me high,
I chase the magic dragon of your love
My mouth is foaming,
Heart aflutter,
My mind is on cloud nine,
Convincing me there has never been another
Quite like you
And I'm peeking into the abyss
I'm trying to comprehend this,
Comprehend love,
This fire that has overtaken me,
Pummeling my being
I am in the fire,
I am only seeing,
You in everything
I am your prisoner,
You've taken my mind captive
All I can wonder is what has happened?
I'm singing with the birds,
I can't wash this smile off my face,
I just can't tell quite yet,
But I want to grab you and never let go,
But my instinct tells me:
*Take it slow

Sometimes, do you feel like you spiral?
Like your sadness is a whirlpool ******* you in?
I know,
Because I feel that,
Often

But then I remind myself
That I have more control than I think
I have so very much to be grateful for,
And it's on these things I must dwell

Some days, when my mood is low
I just have to be gentle with myself
and go with the flow
It's difficult
Because I'm used to pushing myself
to feel happy all the time
But maybe I'm getting tired of the act,
Maybe I'm making peace
With not being okay.

Hope is a good thing, you see
Hope is a good thing when life’s got you down on your knees
Sometimes it feels like nothing ever goes your way
You’re sequestered away in your prison cell,
Your own skull-encased hell
The one you created by clinging to your fear and misery
Fear that when a good thing comes along it might leave
But didn’t you know
The gate of your cell was never locked
You could’ve left whenever you wanted
So now, go
You’re free to roam
That cell was never your home
Though you grew accustomed to it
You are free
From your suffering
If you choose to be
It may take half a mile through that last stretch of darkness to feel free
But don’t lose sight in that tunnel
When you’re out
Feeling the unrestricted ground beneath your polished, free man’s shoes
You’ll experience the electric joy of freedom
Coursing through your hope deficient body
And then you’ll know
All that hanging on to fanciful hope through the years of despair
Was a good thing.

My mind is tangled in knots
Why can't I have you?

To own another
Outside of myself
Make you love me
The way I want you to

But is it truly a lover I want?
Or a fantasy to be fulfilled
An aching desire
To be celebrated, to be put on a pedestal

Selfish ambition
Is what I have
And manipulation is your curse
I'm dropping it, I'm dropping you

Why would I dream
That a compelling conversation
Could mean something more
Something beyond the constant boredom

I'm tired
Of waiting for you

Lungs gasp
Air is all around but it’s not filtering through
Lungs filling with fluid
Drowning on the inside.

When you're a child,
Life is in technicolor
But as you grow older
A film of grey gradually wears the color away
Dampening your senses
Until your synapses weaken, burdened by drudgery

You become all mind
Deciphering all of the time
Caged by contemplation,
Causing a slow soul erasure

I want to feel what it's like to be a child again
To be fully present and aware of every felt sensation
But my body is tired,
And with fatigue the mind becomes a narrowed point
Of seeking to meet the most basic of needs:
Work, Sleep, Eat
On an endless rotation,
Leaving no time for child-like play.

Pine trees tower above my head
Green needles, crisp scent
Snowflakes ride on sharp winds
The cold air fills my lungs
My exhale escapes me in a vaporous puff

The sky is a gentle turquoise
Peppered with wooly clouds
I could get lost in that sky
If only I could climb those towering pines
To reach beyond, pierce through the sky

But I’m bound to this ground,
This redolent earth
Full of life and growth, decay and death
Though I often anxiously seek for answers to questions of transcendence
For now I’ll be content with the simplicity of this earthly life,
Revel in the spontaneous and unexpected, even if I don’t always comprehend it.

Time passes
Dreams slowly die
I looked into your open eyes
And spoke strange things

Time passes
And dreams go away
Nothing ever happens
The status quo remains

I might go insane
Everything is monotonous
Every single day
Come, take my pain away

I don't care how good or bad you are
I'll pack up all my life into a suitcase
And jump into your car,
Just one request: Drive far

Can't you see?
I can't take the pointless drudgery
Stuck in between
Wanting to stay and wanting to leave.

Mist lingers on my lips,
All the words I meant to say
Pent up under the deep rot of rage
My body quivers,
Mind shivers
With incoherent messages
Trying to comprehend
But left only guessing
At this game of life

Come on now,
Sitting stiffly in the car
Come on now brain,
You mustn't be mad
Force force force yourself to be glad
Go swallow the pill of austere reality
It's cold, it's bleak, and it's ******* with my mentality

Because I like magical notions
I dream too often of the ocean
I think of all the places I'll never be
I dream about my destiny
I am weak
Yet I am strong
I am as haywire as a jazz song
My sould sinks deep
My spirit shoots up higher

Mist lingers on my lips
My fingertips
Are as cold as ice
My eyes are averted,
How could I ever look what I want
In the eye
And ask for it?

It's quiet
Slow like molasses
I hear the children in the background
and the church bells ringing
I love but I still hurt,
this low hollow ache of undigested agony
I covered it with a smile
but it still overcomes me
I am like an ocean
Typically calm and serene
with little bursts of waves
touching people's feet
But storms come unexpectedly
a turbulence that I don't think I can withstand
I am like a light house
standing strong
on the rocky ground
As violent waves crash over me
It's quiet now
But the waves ache deep within
I'm wary of awakening them
And waking my self up to my unease
I just don't want to think anymore
Because I'm scared of crashing down
Just need to listen now
and try to love
despite my wounds.

Soft and sweet,
Vibrant, complete
Feel the heat of the August sun,
My knees burnt,
Mind is cooled,
Sweet tea, sipping,
Summer recluse

Walking, talking, having fun
The summer is for everyone
Heat in city streets
Having music carries by humidity,
Back home on a train,
Rain

Goodbye summer, it was fun
I'll miss you
Warm, hot sun.

Hallowed eyes,
Blue marble skies,
Amber pond in the sun,
Dark embers of a fire
Looking, searching
The landscape

Rugged hands,
Mountains with sharp rocks pointing to the sky
Callouses resembling caverns
In which I rest

It’s reassuring
To stay
Caught in this web of vines
It’s reassuring
Caught, searching,
Feeling my way through
Dancing in the water.

Can you feel the newness of this new decade?
This new life calling to you?
You’ve been standing on the precipice for awhile now
But now it’s time to jump
Arms wide open, into the unknown
Let it enfold you and unfold you
Sprout forth and open
Your years as a tight bud are behind you
It’s time to emerge from the cradle of safe certainty
And like a stray feather
Glide on the winds of endless, meandering possibilities.

I don’t know anything
That’s all I can think
I don’t know anything
I don’t know how to feel
This sadness turns into numbness
So that I can’t feel

I do care
There’s no doubt
I care so much
It wears me out
And I try to explain
Explain
Explain
But my explaining doesn’t erase the pain
And it makes me feel dumb
And listless
Repeating the same old stories
Trying to find myself out of the maze

How do I make it clear?
How do you make a person hear you
When their pain skews their perception
Making you into a devil with malicious intentions
And what am I supposed to do
With these shattered dreams
Just let the darkness of this reality
Wash through me
I tried to make it right
Again and again
But maybe I’m just not fit
For loving free from fear

I tried to work it out
But he just won’t hear me
His resentment grows out of control
And its thorny vines consume me
I really care about the guy underneath all the pain
But does he care about me the same way?
I have lots of pain
And he can’t stand it
I understand
I never meant to put it all on him to handle it

Everything just feels so unclear
But I trust I’ll be okay
Knowing that I will always make it through the disarray
I can break free
From fear and confusion
And live a life lead by my heart
Love, love, love
That’s a good place to start.

You know,
Love isn't like
The romance sold to us
In the movies
True love must be deeper
Have a firm foundation and
Deep roots
That no troubles can touch
True love sees beauty
Where everyone else sees ugly
It sees the person hidden behind the many masks we don
It loves the little vulnerable infant living inside us
Love is just so beautiful to pass up,
So let's not get caught up
In the fairy tale
And open ourselves
To the beauty and ugliness of love..
Loyal love, sweet love, heroic love, quiet love, subtle love, shout-your-love-from-rooftops love, self sacrificing love, understanding love, wise love, patient love
And this
Dear ones
Is the love you deserve.

This is always how it goes
I'm smiling
Up for hours
Thinking of you
I'm in love
But I'll deny it
You see the spark in my eyes
Caused by the flame in my heart
Glowing ever so brightly for you
It's like I'm turned up-side down,
On my head
Looking at the world all wrong
And it doesn't make sense
But this love that defies logic still grows strong
It's like a river cutting through rock
With time and persistence
The rock is everything that everyone says is impossible
But love, replenishing and fluid like water
With great currents
Leaves the Impossible on it's knees
Love, my love
Is like a clock,
Spinning
Or a circle
Swirling into itself
My emotions will be sorted eventually
I can't make sense of my feelings logically
I think I love you,
But I'll just have to wait and see.

I’m here in my cozy home
With my silly dog who makes me laugh
Waiting for the world to go back to normal
But who am I kidding?
I haven’t taken this seriously
This is a pandemic
The world doesn’t simply go back to normal after this
There is no set end date to this
People are dying,
The world is slowing down,
The skies are clearing of pollution
We have to stop
Stop everything
None of it has been working
Stay in,
And turn inward
Reassess
And right our wrongs
The way we have wronged this earth, ourselves, others
Reconsider
The way our go getter culture has been maladaptive to us,
To those we care for, to our life
Reconnect
To ourselves, to old friends over video chat, to the simple things
Take notice
Of what’s important
Cut out what’s not
Return to our heart
Remember how precarious life can be
So out of our control
All we can do is simply be grateful for it all
Be grateful for the people and things we cherish
Let these things impact us so deeply that our love for them resounds within us
Relish the simple pleasures
Grow in the peaceful, ever expanding silence of spiritual surrender
Let go
Let go
Let go
Forgive others
And forgive ourselves
Life’s too short to keep holding onto grudges
They didn’t mean to hurt you
It’s okay to let go now
The world will never return to normal
But the normal we were adhering to before wasn’t quite working anymore
So relinquish the old normal
To build the new
A life of being centered, connected, and living from love
Stay in,
And recreate the person you want to be in this novel world coming into form.

Mother, so wonderful and so bright
You are the warm soil beneath my feet
The expansive blue above my reckoning mind

Oh Mother,
How the masses have ravaged you
Trying to change you into something mechanical,
Something more controllable

Mother, have they lost their heart,
Where is their soul?
Take me far from this polluted humanity
I just want to be able to hear the secrets
that ride on the whispers of the wind again

Mother, you are constantly caressing me
With your abundant life surrounding me
Your warm air kisses me,
Little waves play with my toes
Butterflies are always greeting me
I feel complete in my soul

Maybe I'm a self made mystic
In awe of the beauty surrounding me
But I am also struck down by pain,
The collective pain of humanity

Oh Mother,
teach us how to get back to our roots
We don't have to suffer in the ways we do
Teach us how to be simple and true,
Mother,
Just like you.

I've been down a long time
I've had a sad song singing in my heart
It all started long ago,
With my life spinning down a drain
It's hard sometimes
To feel misunderstood
And full of pain

I guess there's a grain of joy though
When your idols come crashing down
You're empty enough
To have the void filled with God
Because really it's only Her who can replenish
And heal you,
Without further hurting you

Maybe there's overwhelming evidence that you're not loved
But that's a falsehood,
Trust me, it's not true
Everything on this big blue earth
Is a testament of God's love for you.

Cascading blue,
swelling into the open spaces
My mind is a muse
A flame, untainted

I dream of you,
You're like the morning fog
So tangible
But you escape my grasp

Kiss me, like sunflowers dying
Don't abandon
What's already forsaken
So stay here, awaken

"**** feelings" I mutter
'Cause it's hard to fathom
Why a woman like me
Would have these imaginings.

I awake everyday,
Wishing this day won't turn out the same,
As every day before today,
Cold and grey
Empty and full of dismay
I coddle myself,
Telling myself everything will be okay,
But I feed into my pain,
I do the same things everyday
That make me go insane
And then I wonder why,
I'm miserable,
As I wipe tears from my eyes
I think of all the ways I will change oneday,
And I harp on some ****** up memories,
Some may call depression a disease,
But I call it a failure to maintain internal peace,

Sometimes I remember being a child,
When I was happy
How do I beat the odds,
Of this thing that threatens to consume me?