I've been spending my time slowly breaking down,
Not even intentionally
Just subconsciously
My days have been dark, clouded and slow
I pray for something else,
But do I really want it?

Yes. Today I declare I want to live.
Did you hear me?
I said:
Today I choose life

Now my life is full of color again,
Color and laughter and gaiety
I am surrounded by loving people
Whose love shoots out through there hearts like beams of light

I am so ridiculously happy,
Spilling with joy
I smile wide as tears stream down my face,
Hands over my heart,
Dancing in the summer rain.

It takes time to grow
It takes time to develop
It takes time to know
You need creases in your face,
laugh lines, dark circles, wrinkles on your forehead
To understand
and to become everything you need to be
There is no need to rush the germination of your soul
You're just gonna have to give yourself time to grow
And sometimes growth comes slow
But that's okay
You don't have to run away
From everything that ties you down and causes you pain
You can become okay with the dissarray
And just look out your window,
wherever you are
Look at how the sun is so faithful
It rises every new morning
Just continue to rise everyday
with the sun
and in due time
You will get there, wherever that is
And you will become who you need to be
And you will breathe,
you will laugh
You will see
how the hardships made you stronger and kinder
Just wait and see,
You will grow dear,
You will grow so tall and magnificently
But as for now,
Put a seed of love in your heart
And tend to it gently
For love is more important than growth,
You must love yourself and be love to others
Whoever you are, wherever you are.

some days are like rain,
   they make your body ache

you feel the pain
   rise through you

you close your eyes
   you remember

open your eyes
   you swiftly forget

it's easier to stuff it all down
   right?

that dull ache in your wrist
   is a forecast of rain

you think, oneday
   you will rise to the day

like the phoenix
   emerging

but a storm rushes in
   and rains on your parade

you open your mouth to speak
   no one understands you, anyway

all you can think of is hiding,
   it's all you can dream of

you ask: this is life?
   you're bewildered

you try not to think,
   because when you think you remember

all those lukewarm friends
   everyone who left

some days are like rain
   they are silent and still

the disassociation takes over
   the emptiness seeps in

the rain gets into your hollow house
   of vain imaginations

i pray that this rain might
   serve as some sort of healing elixir

for my bones need fixing,
   my heart needs healing.

I see you're hanging by a thread
You are tired, pespired
Nearly expired
But my desire
Has failed to wane
I stand here by this window pane
Willing to be patient
Like I have,
For other loves before you
Because love is patient,
And so much more
Hold me in your arms,
Tell me what I want to hear
Take me far far away from here.

I hold on to
A fantasy
It is dancing in the wind,
Getting far away from me.

This day I wait for will never come
I wished for it
Upon the seeds of a dandelion
Whisked away by the wind
Is it a sin to cling
To ideations?
I drive myself insane
Filling these inane days with
Infatuations clogging my brain
I remind myself
To open my eyes to reality
That is rife with strife and triviality
But I eventually drift back into the perpetual dream
For living is painful,
And all too real
When I no longer bare to feel,
I shut my mind,
Eyes wide open,
Where the fantasy is once again
Revealed.

Sitting quietly
But my mind's on fire
I'm done with being a slave
You don't have to agree with me
I'm stealthily peeling off my chains
Pretending that I'm still okay with the status quo,
That I'm still going along with the flow,
No.
I'm going against the current,
But it's taking everything within me
To break free.
But I refuse to be a slave
To the crumbling systems
Of this society.

A secret collapsed behind ribs,
Tucked back into the furthest recesses
Sitting, contemplating
Commiserating herself
Her thoughts are finches that encircle her mind
Chirping, chirping
Making her blind

When you're lost in thought
It's hard to see
The world around you, and all of
it's possibility
When you're scared to hurt
You're scared to live
Living in a container
Of premeditated caution

What would it be like
To live a shackles free life?
To taste joy again,
To feel the child you suppressed within
Get to experience life again
Through grateful eyes,
A hungry heart
and a mischievous mind....

There is no need to wallow in regret,
We all have times when we're stagnant
But break down the dam to your heart,
Let the waters flow free!
You were meant for so much more
Than mediocrity.

i held the snow globe
in my little hands
i shook and shook and shook it
the fake snow
spun in all directions

i hold my breathe in accidentally
my shoulders are ******* tense
why am i unconsciously agreeing
to be people's doormats?

but there's a root in me
growing into a tree
and i'm growing stronger you see
today i solemnly proclaim
YOU WILL NOT WALK ALL OVER ME.

I wanted you to love me,
That's all I ever pined for through these years
But I still cry most times
When I think of the fact that you failed to love me
I'll never understand why you didn't love me
You claimed to,
But it didn't show in your actions.
You were selfish.
As was I.

But that's life, right?
It keeps cracking your heart open
Until you can't close it anymore
It gets to the point where there are no plausible explanations your mind can come up with anylonger
It gets to the point where
Only your heart can comprehend the world with all of it's suffering
Only your heart can try it's best to patch up the world
With the bits of love that flow through you from God

Keeping an open heart is baffling, really
It just doesn't make sense
It's hella painful
Exceptionally brutal
And exquisitely breathtaking, beautifully astounding
There are no words in any language
That can properly express
Genuine love

But let's keep it like that
Let love remain a mystery
In it's confounding splendor
Leave it to be one of those few things
That academics can't pin down precisely
Let love be what it is in it's truest form:
Magical
Like when you really see nature for the first time,
You know?
You see how really gorgeous it all is,
And how intelligent it is
And in that passing moment of awe
It's easy to entertain the idea of God
But you eventually have to walk back to your cubicle
Where your mind is like a safe container
That computes certainty
But love is magical,
Love is uncertain,
It's powerful

I guess what I'm trying to say is that love is transformative,
You know?
And it's humbling
I mean, I'm not talking about Romeo and Juliet,
I'm not referring to RomComs where a man and a woman fall in love within the span of three days,
C'mon,
Can we all admit that is BS?
Love is not magical like the way it is portrayed in fairytales
Love is magical because it is the very essence of life,
The driving force of life
It's what sustains us,
It's what connects us
It's what changes us
Into brave children of God
Formerly we were
Scarred, angry little children
Throwing darts at perceived enemies
But no one is the enemy here,
That's what love reveals
We're all just lost children
Hiding under the shielded guise of our egos
Until, well until
We throw up our hands in surrender
And say with all our heart,
"I can't do this without you God.
Help me."

Maybe not everything is meant to be understood by the mind
Because most times words fail to convey
What's truly there
Only our hearts can intuitively comprehend
The feelings we're too scared to feel.

Walk my short way home

Open the door

Eat what I can find for dinner

Go on Snapchat,
Instagram,
Facebook

Searching for signals of you

I love you
I think

In this digital age
We're all so far away

I want to touch you
But my hands
aren't able to break through the screen

I'm bored
I'm lonely

Are you bored,
Are you lonely?

I don't trust myself enough
I always find myself
In sticky relationships,
Even with friends

Messed up people,
I always get caught in their web

But I just want to be free
I want someone
who wants to escape in a car with me

Convertible car,
Painted yellow
with rainbows
Driving away from
this wintry landscape
Into the Californian sun

I need someone to smile with me,
Someone with whom I can be crazy
Laughing my time away,
Savoring all life's beauty

I'm growing heavy with longing
I'm ready to break through
this box I've been confined in.

There is no such thing as love,
Don't you understand?
All this romanticizing and propping on pedestals
People are all ugly deep down
Pierce through the facade and you'll see
The greedy devil
devouring the life within me

Ha, I had dreams
But where did dreams ever get me?
I can't waste my time
And I'm too wise
to lend my heart over willingly

What if I don't want exclusivity?
What if I believed all people have beauty
What if I'm happier being single
And I don't dream of marriage and having kids
I dream of growth and freedom--
Desire unleashed

What if I'm not typical
I don't feel like I'm a woman,
I don't feel like I'm a man
I don't feel like I have any particular role to fulfill
I only feel obligated to be free and love
Create and play
And make sure everyone can enjoy life in this way

So,
There is no such thing as love...
As we know it.
Love is so much much than what Hollywood sells us.

The world is always begging for my attention
For my eyes and for my mind
It wants to mold me into something unnatural
And make me a foreigner to my own instinct
I feel anxiety tighten around me like a stifling rope
As my psyche is bombarded by an endless array of digitized stimuli
It’s created as an addiction, and this addiction suffocates
Painting illusions that cause a soul-rotting envy
But we’re all liars engaging the game
Knowing that we are imposters communing from a safe distance
Avoidance has become the most deadly form of complacency,
It is a dark comfort
To not have to experience the unpredictable world within our animal bodies
But instead, curate our perfected persona online,
And disengage from the body
By having the mind incessantly entranced by an onslaught of media.

Your love is light and bouyant and free,
With you I laugh like a child
And can be completely me
How long has it been since I've loved so passionately?
You're a friend,
And I'll get to know you,
Slowly,
Steadily,
But surely
The more time I'm around you,
The more I fall,
Into this deep love
Rooted in reality
But I'm still dazed
I've waited a thousand days
To have a love so real
Patience has paid off
But their is still more time to pass,
I don't crave to push and pull or grab and claw
All I need is to be able to look into your eyes,
Get lost in those deep blue skies
Where true feelings cannot hide,
Where I can't conceal with pride,
And you see the little child inside
Holding out her beating heart,
For you

So my love,
Take my hand
My heart is a sunset
And I'm asking you to be my man,
Collect my sunset,
Put it in your pocket,
Take a picture of my face and put it in a locket
Let's sit on that hill behind your house
And watch the sky fall dark
And in those moments of dwindling light,
Maybe our camaraderie will ignite a spark.

Scraped knees
Purple jelly beans
Grass so green
On an orb
Spinning through space
I'm looking into the sun
And laughing
About this human race
It's a funny thing
To be a human
Walking this strange and beautiful place
I dream with eyes wide open
And everywhere, I see your face.

I love you,
The Risen One
I love you,
You are the fire in my heart
I love you,
You revived me after years of grief
I love you,
You sheltered me through every storm
I love you,
You guide me through this treacherous world

Please never leave me,
Though I often forget you
Please quell my anxieties,
Quiet the violent waves within,
Reassure me that you’re with me
Guide me into your serenity.

Amen.

Save me from this mind
That festers with fears
And wastes my precious time
Thinking of what could be
But maybe
I've just got to live and see
But my Mind,
Calculating all the time
Comes to me with false data
Look how things didn't work out for other people,
Look, that one died,
That one got tortured,
That one got abused
Those people are dying out in the streets,
Being misused
I say thank you Mind,
For agitating me,
Causing me to loath the fact that
I somehow
got put on this earth,
This twisted place
And how so often I feel like I don't truly belong,
Even though I love
I just feel like
How on earth,
Did I ever end up HERE?
Because I don't belong here,
And neither do you
But it's outliers like us
That will change the world.

I see it
In the eyes of the passerby
They are scared
Unaware of the wounds
That control them
I see my shared humanity in their eyes,
Their hunanity like an infant crouched in a ball,
Terrified, shaking,
Hiding in a corner
We seek relief
From this massive worldwide grief
Digging for but not finding empathy
Hiding away all our misery
Because we believe
Our sadness is too big
We wouldn't want it to encroach on other people's happiness
But if we just took a moment to peek beyond the veil
We'd discover a common thread of travail
That strings us all together
So instead of hiding or minimizing our stories
Let's roar our stories out loud,
Unleashing the tamed and timid circus lion of our hearts
So it can progress back to it's original fiery state
Of passion, courage and integrity.

Feel the vibrational pull,
The tide pulling you under
and spitting you out
Feel the steam from the whistling kettle,
Rising from within the depths of your being,
Screaming to be set free
Where is the intangible demon that has taken your body hostage?
You awaken to memories of being carefree,
It only makes your reality more haunting
It feeds your longing
For a better life,
One you lost along the way
It wasn't your fault,
Circumstances took it away from you,
You clawed at your joy
But they ripped it away,
And put you in a factory,
The factory of Life
Making you a slave
Until the day you die

But look, I can still see the child hiding deep within your eyes
Did you forget how to cry?
This world is a perplexing place
You have an abundace of questions but no answers,
You search for love in all the wrong places,
And you haven't even learned how to love yourself

I had a vision
And a handful of dreams
There is a life beyond this confusion and division
I must make an incision
To see through this veil of chaos
Learn through the storm, and
Find healing in the process.

God is not what we think God is
God can't be found in ancient texts
Or ornate institutions
We don't reach God by following rules
Or keeping up appearances
God is so much more than what we've been taught and told about God
God is perfect love,
And this love is free for all.

While I was sleeping
I dreamed of you-- heartache
Of trains going nowhere-- aimlessness
Of my sister-- safety
While I was sleeping
The birds awoke
And sung their lively tune
But when I wake up
I'm never truly awake
I'm always tired, half-awake
Daydreaming of better days.

Do you think of me
the way I think of you?

I tried to forget you,
I really did
But God keeps hitting me with
Two by fours

There is no escaping you,
So what do you say?
Do you want me to stay?

They called you Luna back in the day
You peppered the night air
With grace and great joy
You whispered secrets into ears
And danced in the sand
You loved with a full heart
And drifted away when it was your time to go

In life you're always learning,
You're always growing
You're correcting your soul
And trying to excavate your burning desire
You've known sadness
And that's why you fight
To know joy again

You were once called Luna,
But now you're more like the Sun
Like a burning flame
Your flame had once become very low
But you've taught it how to grow
By being true to yourself

This evolution of your soul is a journey
But have hope, darling
Tend to yourself gently
And multiply your love
And you will grow
You will flourish,
You will thrive
And oneday,
You will look into your very own eyes,
And smile your genuine smile
Of your childhood self
Trust me,
You'll see
You'll have become the person you were always meant to be.

I want to tell you a story about sadness,
Deep, rot your bones depression
Where no happiness like bleach
Could undo the stain of irreversible pain
I took drugs in hopes of escape
I wandered streets,
Alone and hollow
So shaken
I would walk
Unable to see clearly ahead of me
I was an anxious mess
I slept for days
And wept inconsolably
I cut my wrists
As deep as I dared to
I would look into the mirror,
And it seemed that the face that looked back at me
Was a face I barely knew.

But somehow,
By God's grace
I survived that former agony
Without a trace
It has taken some time,
A few years
To heal from the traumas of childhood and adolescence
But within this slow and steady transformation
I have both transcended and become grounded
I have managed to transcend what was formerly sabotaging me,
Yet what I have transcended has made me a realer human being
In touch with my roots
that I had forgotten for so long
I am more compassionate, you see
Finally, once again
Living in divine Love,
Remembering who I really am.

I can guarantee
I am not a perfect human being
I wish that I could always feel this complete,
But I admit
There are still times
Where the un-ease creeps up again in me
And it blinds me from the True Reality
Of an all pervasive Love always caring for me
But I do attest
That I always try my best
To surrender my small human desires
To a power, beyond me,
Oh, higher and higher
I am merely an intermediary
Of earth and sky
A divine human being
Earning her title of Saint
So, now, I must persevere
And wait
And wait
And wait.

This hollow darkness,
My smile is a veil
No one understands me
My soul is growing ill

I'm an island,
Secluded and alone
Every ounce of my being is screaming out
My lips don't make a sound

I deny this darkness
It's too much to bare alone
But I don't know how to dissolve it
I need arms to hold me that are not my own

My burdens are like bricks
That I carry on my back
I grow wearisome
But I can't cut myself slack

I've been lost in the maze of my heart,
I need to be set free
I'm so confused
I need some saving

I don't seek simple solutions,
Pep talks and self help
I need deep down healing--
Wisdom, not wealth

I know God will see me through,
I'll just have to listen
I can't keep losing myself
Betraying myself by the deception of kissing.

Red and purple robe
Tied with knots of gold
Glittering on the precipice of winter and spring
Fur boots with heels dancing in the light layer of snow
In an endless field
Where few people go
The sun is setting and the sun is rising
Standing flat on this ground
But always spinning
To your next destination
To whatever that's fitting
The cosmic dance
Has you grinning
You set out on a path
Only to find yourself back at the beginning.

My wounds come to me as offerings,
Inviting me to journey into my deepest brokenness to excavate the lessons in my wounds and ultimately heal them.

your heart is full of lies
you go to your church every Sunday
sing your hymns
and give your tithes
then promptly
complain and gossip after the service

you fail to seek God whom you do not know
and instead bow to your various idols
your life is muddled
you grasp for answers
that are just beyond surrender

I once sought comfort from your company
but my useful habits are only corrupted
the more time I spend at church
I'm seeking the love of Jesus here
but I can't find it in anyone's hearts
no one seems to truly care

some churches preach prosperity,
others brim and firestone
they seek to do good deeds
but with ill intentions
it's merely a choreographed dance,
of rule-following,
of keeping up the appearances
but look beyond the facade and into their hearts
and you will be saddened and surprised
here you are the outsider
in a church founded on lies

and all you really wanted
was to be lovingly embraced
by a Jesus following community
but all you found at church
was religious futility.

Confusion is addicting
I devour metaphors and gulp down symbols
Forever attempting to conjure a path that is most fitting
To finally discover the key to that which fulfills

But I turn down wrong roads
Most times I find myself stranded
I have no chosen destination to which I set out to go
So I am as a vagabond haunted by the multitude of roads

I've sought a saviour
But I know I must save myself
A total overhaul of my behavior
Will guarantee the something else (I seek)

I've been running for so long
But now I have no other choice but to collapse
For I am no longer strong
All my youthful energy has been sapped

If only there was a way
I could know for sure
I just don't want to make a big mistake
One from which I could never turn back

But a silent whisper in my heart
Says these words to me
"There has to be a better way"
And for this way I pray.

Peace permeates through my body
The ocean swells in my chest
And waves explode onto the shore of my soul
I dove into the great expanse
Into the deepest depths
And found a truth more real than matter

There’s so much walking
But never getting anywhere, it seems
There’s so much time passing
And my skin is showing it’s age
I’ve only got this one body
I’ve only got this one life

It's pretty radical being human
The breath of life swirling through my nostrils
Maybe I’ll burn all my doubts
And all my insecurities
I’ll love myself
And live the life I want to live, fully

Many a psychiatrist
Sitting in their stiff leather chair,
Has tried to tell me
What is wrong in my head
They review tests I've taken
With scales
Asking me how much I feel something-
One through three?
They dole out myriad pills,
That cause further distress
I try to keep my mind a placid place,
But these pills and these labels keep me in constant chaos
All the different labels plastered around me:
Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, OCD, PTSD...
Doctor, won't you tell me,
Which one is it exactly?
I've gone to all these doctors,
And they all tell me something different
I'm starting to doubt their veracity
I can no longer be discontent, I can no longer be sad, I can no longer be stressed, I can no longer obsess occasionally about an arbitrary mistake, I can no longer be super elated without reason, I can no longer recount a haunting experience...
Without being mental in some way
And having a pill pushed on me by some "well meaning" doctor
Instead of taking the time to actually stop for a moment, open their ears, and get in touch with the very real experience of offering to help carry a burden,
With a little something called empathy.

Cloaked in satin,
Sitting there
In your plastic chair,
But you sit in it
Like you're royalty,
You make plastic look like gold
For you shine so bright,
Right from your bones
Your joy is palpable,
You are an angel in disguise,
Who stole your halo from you,
With those years of many lies?
People try to steal what they cannot own,
And yet you call this heart a home
I must go this alone,
You asked to take my hand,
I contemplated saying no
I needed to hide my tracks in the snow

You're eager indeed,
Eager to please
I said stay here,
Sit down with your tightly wound knees
But you couldn't,
You sought to chase the breeze,
Trying to catch the ineffable
This is why your mind is a well of unease

Standing there,
What an elegant pair,
Don't despair,
What is yours will find you
Don't blind yourself with illusions,
Embrace the truth here,
Embrace the warmth of life that is Living,
You find little solace in your daydreams,
You're bewitched by all these schemes brewing in your brain,
But just for once,
Relax, today.
*Bask in this morning's glory,
Reassured in your solitude,
Make peace with all of the incomplete puzzles in your mind.

Sheer red fabric, embroidered with gold
Rested upon her brown skin,
The peaks and valleys of her body
Sharp edges that descend into soft slopes
Dimensions of her,
Like a living, breathing desert

Her heart is a ruby,
Sought after, rare
She is more than her beauty,
Her sturdy body
Her feet are strong roots
Connected to the earth
Even as she dances,
Twirling round and round
Her hair is dark and dense with curls
Her eyes are wide
And hold in them the entirety of the world's suffering

Her lips speak truth
Like honey pouring through them
She is Spirit embodied,
Red and strong and beautiful
Mystic in skin,
Her Soul is a flame rising.

It was sad you know,
But maybe do you think it had to go?

Who knows,
Maybe things would’ve been different
If we hadn’t taken all those missteps, and made all those mistakes
I think we just didn’t truly know each other
Before it was too late

Neither of us really trusted,
It was always a debate
Of ‘do you really love me?’
And ‘is this real or is this fake?’

Because didn’t we both say in the beginning it felt too good to be true
Hearts wide open
Overflowing with love anew
This gift seemed to fall into our laps— after years of hoping

Maybe our fears of it being an illusion made it so
Or maybe we’re two messed up people who ******* it up,
Maybe we’ll never know
I’m just not ready to give it up

But I told him to go
I showed my fangs and roared my fiercest roar
And then, silence
I didn’t hear from him no more

I can’t tell you where’s he’s gone
Just disconnected from me
I understand I went wrong,
But so did he.

I can't fake it
When I think of you I hate it
There isn't an eloquent way to say it
I've known suffering intimately
By way of my fellow humanity
So tell me,
Why should I open my heart again,
To let another human in?

If I could tell her the things I see
When she’s not here....

Her boyfriend is my friend,
Don’t worry, I don’t like him
He’s a flirt,
Hungry for attention
But when I see him act like this
All I see is a love-broke beggar

She’s thousands of miles away,
But she’ll be back soon,
Probably by the end of June
They have a long distance relationship,
Attached to a screen,
It’s like his girlfriend is trapped within a machine

He picks me up to go to a social gathering
I laugh with my friends,
But I can’t help noticing
Him saddling up to attractive women

He makes them laugh
And calls them pretty
I look on with disgust, not envy
For it’s his girlfriend that I pity

I want to scold him,
Tell him what he does isn’t right
Why is he seeking superficial attention,
When he has a great girl who is a refreshing source of life?

Go home
Echoed in the trees
In the wind
Dancing all around me
Listen to your heart
My heart, tucked safely behind
Old ribs
Go back to a place of endless posibilities, this town you subsist in lacks in mobility
This I know, and it's slowly killing me
Go back home*
Yelled the babbling brook
It's time, once again
To find my roots.

I’ve let fear hold me back for so many years

Allowing it to cloud my perception of what could be,

Blinding me to all the possibilities awaiting me

To open up to a life beyond what I’ve always known—

A heavy fog

•

But what if the sky could clear up; open?

What if I opened?

What if I let myself

Explore beyond who I’ve always believed myself to be

What if I could love more fully

What if I could be happy

What if I allowed life to pour through me

And I didn’t try to stop it

Bottle it up or control it

What if I just let myself live,

Relinquished my fear of existing

And found security within the safe harbor of my own heart?

•

What if I said yes,

Not to a flawless life

But to a beautiful life?

•

(Inspired by and dedicated to Ram Dass. May he rest in peace.)

to tell you the truth,
I'm a nobody
searching in this world,
all this useless striving
Just trying to be a somebody
even though I've repeated the sinner's prayer many times
I'll never quite be saved from myself
and this is why I'll always stick close to God
Because God loves me like no one else

It's just funny, you see
because the earth is populated with billions of people
but I can't seem to find ones that genuinely love me
we really never learned how to love,
we love useless things instead
commodities that rot
but we don't know how to do what is most important,
and that is living from our heart

but this is why I lean on God,
God, my magnificent creator
and by this I know
I am infinitely loved
And I don't need
human love to confirm this to me.

The only constant
Is change..

So embrace it.

You know,
It's funny
People would think I would be
Mad or sad
About this
But I'm so very glad
I needed this,
I truly did
I truly truly did
I feel stronger,
Lighter,
Free
I'm growing into everything
I was meant to be.

Bonfire,
Roasting, toasting
Marshmallows
The smell of a cackling fire
People, too many people
That's I've been trying to hide from,
It reminds me that I'm real,
It reminds me that I'm a human with needs,
It reminds me of how those needs go unattended
I laugh and smile more than anyone,
Yet I am secretly, The saddest

I thought possibly,
Romantic love could cure this soul disease,
But I've come to realize
No one can quite fill the void of
The family that abandoned me,
Like a helpless raft adrift at sea,
I'm about to drown,
And no one can even see me

Society, I can't even describe how much I hate it,
Forcing us to conform and conceal love,
Writing and art are my only escapes,
From this prison of silence,
And of being unknown,
I cry in the quiet of the night,
Because after the day of calculated smiles and perfectly formulated sentences,
I know,
I walk this earth alone.

Yellow buds sprouting anew,
Spring is here,
Comes ere year
The blossoms herald hope
Revival, birth, growth
Like a vine growing taller
I will sing my sad song
Until it becomes a song of beauty
Until all the dead leaves of fall
wash away
I'll let the gushing winds
carry me
I'll make a little raft,
and find a river
I'll set off into the unknown,
where no one else dares to go
I'll open my heart wide enough to see,
Every possibility
I'll cancel all the naysayers and negativity
I won't be subscribing to
hopelessness any longer
I feel the call of my wild heart
booming deep within me
I'm ready to start my journey,
This is my new beginning.

Do you want to break away with me?
Break away from this systematic misery,
Enter the void of endless fantasy?

The air is thick,
I am heaving
Yet, still I am believing
for a day when I can breathe with ease,
For an escape
From perpetual heart-break,
And yet, what will I have to release?
Sacrifice my life,
For infinite joy
Surrender idle toys
for everything more

You, Disturbed Boy,
I like you,
I always have, I always will
There's a gravity pulling me to you,
You look up at me,
Towards the sun.
I smile.

Within the moment
Of a shared smile:
Squinched eyes
A heart connection

In that moment
I see
Everything I need to know.

On the surface we have chaos,
Protective parts of us at war
Because sometimes we trigger each other’s wounds
And we become angry at each other for making us experience old, unhealed pain

But our true selves will always be connected
I think we’re starting to see
That no matter how many old wounds get unveiled by the other
And how sometimes the unveiling of these wounds make us stand at the cord that connects our hearts, threatening to cut it with rusty scissors
We will always stay connected,
We will always be old friends
And once we turn inward and heal our wounds
We’ll begin to feel grateful for each other triggering our wounds
For with every triggering of a wound,
We can swoop in and love the unmet need from childhood inside ourselves
And thank each other for being guides in showing us where the pain lies within us

May we be thankful for this gift of love
The gift of each other
Being the guides to our healing.

Everyone is boring!*
I scream
I feel it with every fiber of my being
People go after vain and useless pursuits
Your ego rides shotgun
While your soul suffocates, ******* in the trunk
It's easy to be this mind numbingly empty in this day and age
With all of our distractions
It's so easy
To wear beautiful clothes,
Inject botox,
Paint our faces
And see ourselves in the mirror as a complete and presentable person,
But we never make time to peek at our own hearts.
No, instead
We persist in our vapid lives
That we try to decorate with meaning
But all that meaning fails in the long run
Because we have become Egos incapable of true love...
The only solution to this
Is to make the long journey from the head to the heart..