“Wake up” I repeated to myself through tears
Wake up to the truth ringing in your ears
Look with your eyes,
You’ll see
Everything that is just is
So let it be
Stop trying to force it when you can be free

The pain in your heart is sore, I know
But trust me, it’s better to let it go
Who cares if no one understands you
Just don’t let that pain become a story of shame
Release the heavy burden of false identities
Trust me child, you can be free from all this pain

It’s okay if they called you bad
You don’t have to succumb to their words and prove them right
Despite the pain stuck in your heart
I promise you that you are worthy,
You truly are a brilliant star
And I hope you tap into your own expansive light

The truth is, you don’t have to care so much
You don’t have to be in control
Trust me child, there’s freedom in letting go
Who cares what others think of you
Who cares if anyone even truly loves you
Don’t be scared of lack
There’s always an abundance of support,
Even if you feel all alone, I’ve always got your back

I’ll show you how much I love you
That you’ll live from overflow
And maybe that love will pour out and touch others one day,
You never know.

I’m here in my cozy home
With my silly dog who makes me laugh
Waiting for the world to go back to normal
But who am I kidding?
I haven’t taken this seriously
This is a pandemic
The world doesn’t simply go back to normal after this
There is no set end date to this
People are dying,
The world is slowing down,
The skies are clearing of pollution
We have to stop
Stop everything
None of it has been working
Stay in,
And turn inward
Reassess
And right our wrongs
The way we have wronged this earth, ourselves, others
Reconsider
The way our go getter culture has been maladaptive to us,
To those we care for, to our life
Reconnect
To ourselves, to old friends over video chat, to the simple things
Take notice
Of what’s important
Cut out what’s not
Return to our heart
Remember how precarious life can be
So out of our control
All we can do is simply be grateful for it all
Be grateful for the people and things we cherish
Let these things impact us so deeply that our love for them resounds within us
Relish the simple pleasures
Grow in the peaceful, ever expanding silence of spiritual surrender
Let go
Let go
Let go
Forgive others
And forgive ourselves
Life’s too short to keep holding onto grudges
They didn’t mean to hurt you
It’s okay to let go now
The world will never return to normal
But the normal we were adhering to before wasn’t quite working anymore
So relinquish the old normal
To build the new
A life of being centered, connected, and living from love
Stay in,
And recreate the person you want to be in this novel world coming into form.

I’m calling to you
But my voice returns to me as an echo
Reverberating off these empty walls
Am I seen, am I known, am I loved?
My heart is wide open
Beating out of my chest and bleeding out onto the floor
Some might say
“Aren’t you afraid of getting hurt?”
But my fears have been overcome by the irrationality of unconditional love
My mind comes up with stories that cause separation and distrust
But there is an ancient knowing
A warm orange flame
Shrouded by shadows from the past
But still there
And I simply cannot ignore that flame
That knowing that defies all reasoning
To trust what I know deep down despite appearances

There is a storm
And I’m on a boat out at sea
All I can see is darkness
Powerful waves are crashing down on me
My body is crushed by pain
And my mind despairs
But my heart, that hopeful fool
Hangs on
And eventually the storm passes
The sea spits me out onto the shore
Morning arrives
With the sun and it’s promises of warmth
And again I come back to safety
A certainty within me that isn’t affected by what’s happening around me

Sometimes, you just know things
Sometimes, you just feel things
Sometimes you persist
Even when you don’t understand why
You just know you have to
It’s the truest path for you
Even if it defies logic
What I have with him is an extraordinary connection,
I would even dare to say it’s otherworldly
I asked for healing
And I found union
And in this union I’ve found
Freedom, love, light, joy
Feeling completely seen and known by another person
And I’ve found great pain
The resurfacing of old traumas
Fear of separation and our dreams of being together not coming to pass
Sometimes I reach my hand out to him
And he slaps it away
Pushes me away
Me and my wide open heart

Sometimes I just wish I could know the outcome of things
Or why something that could be so good brings up so much pain
We both said in the beginning
“This all feels too good to be true”
Maybe we’re not accepting how good it is
And how good it can become.

Joy is pouring into me
Like a foreign liquid
Filling in the cavernous parts of my mind—
Synapses habituated by negativity
Are being transformed by fruitful possibility

Like light overcoming darkness,
The sun shines brightly
Yellow dream
Illuminating everything
Enveloped, but so free
I feel the darkness clearing
And my self blossoming within me.

These threads are tied to things
Intangible
I saw a life in front of me
Multi-colored and vibrant
Though in being entranced within this kaleidoscope
My inner world fell silent

These notions
Like heartfelt prayers lifted, open palms to the sky
Are given up with heartfelt devotion
It’s figments
Pieces of plans
Ideas never born
Seeds never sprouted
But it’s honey, so sweet
Appeasing a heart’s intermittent melancholy
To hold onto what may never be
To hold onto hope,
Let this run its course, and we’ll see

Spring is here and the world is coming alive again
Awakening from its stagnant slumber
I have awoken from a bewildering dream
Though, even now, I doubt I am fully awake
Threads from the past are braided into me
As are new threads of the present being woven into me
I’m a living, breathing tapestry
And experiences are always changing me.