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River Mar 2019
I can't quite express it
I'm experiencing an outpouring of ideas--
Passions of mine
That have been latent,
Locked down under feelings of
Insecurity and a sense of not being enough.
But the dam that kept my potential locked away
Has cracked.
And a surge of
Beautiful, magical
Passion is bursting through me,
Searching for soil
To plant all my ideas in
So they can grow, gradually,
With the nurture provided by my Passion's
Exuberant love.
River Feb 2019
Take my hands and give them power
Let supernatural gifts
flow through both my mouth and fingertips
Enrapture me with your love
May it radiate through my being
Transcending beyond my earthly cares
To penetrate the veil of this existence
So all present can witness
A reality beyond the mediocrity
of humdrum living

I've mulled over countless explanations in my mind
Trying to understand
The anatomy of healing
But spiritual perception has a tendency to bleed
through the confines of controlled analysis
It can be difficult to quell nagging doubts
When the subject matter is so elusive

But I want it
I want to operate in the supernatural
I intensely desire the ability
to be in constant communion with the Divine
I want to impact the world for good
with a love that comes only from God
I surrender myself completely
For I find no lasting pleasure in carnal pursuits
I find it only in
communion with God
and when I am ministering healing and liberation
to people weighed down by heavy burdens,
like I once was
It's in the moments when I'm fully surrendered to God
and living within the center of his purpose for me
That my heart feels like it has palpable rays
That are shooting forth
Ever-widening my heart
And encompassing me within a shower of
everlasting love pouring down on me
and the entire universe
But your heart needs to be cracked open
and humbled
before you can experience this ever pervasive and
present shower of love
Your spiritual sensitivities
must be awakened once again
and attuned to see
God.
River Feb 2019
I'm a girl captivated by the waves
I enjoy anything mystical
I am child-like in some ways
So easily enchanted and blissfully whimsical

I never fared well with conformity
I was a flower and they tried to suffocate my natural grandeur
Arbitrary social rules caused me disharmony
They kept cutting away at me, destabilizing my core

But my essence didn't die
Though it had become like a faint flame
As I regained my spirits the flame grew inside
And it was then I realized I couldn't stay the same

I'm a lover of earth
Water, Sky, Earth and Fire
The elements are the source of my mirth
And the supplier of my deepest desires.
River Feb 2019
My wounds come to me as offerings,
Inviting me to journey into my deepest brokenness to excavate the lessons in my wounds and ultimately heal them.
I've turned to journaling again without rules
It's nice to see myself reflected on paper, free of judgement
River Feb 2019
I walked down memory lane
Pictures appeared on either side of me
Photographs from times past of
Smiles and laughing
Crying and pain
It's all come and past
Everything is ephemeral
I rode the waves of all these experiences
But the waves have crashed on the sand
Life is tranquil now,
and unplanned

My head is full of echoes
of these memories
I'm a marionette
Controlled by my past
In all my dreams
I am back in my glory days,
Stuck there
On rewind,
Trying to find a way out

I had dreams then
I grew up but the dreams
Never became fulfilled
So I regressed
So I could still find
Solace in my dreams
For my dreams feel impossible to fulfill
in current time
But they still seem attainable
When I'm viewing them through the lens
of my past self

I find comfort in who I used to be,
Now I am an ambiguous being
Not sure of who I am
and where I am going
Listless and lost
Numb, merely existing
Without any real drive
Reality is the water to my fiery passions
I've strived for so long
to bring my dreams into fruition
But reality has cooled my idealistic zeal
And left me spiritless.
River Feb 2019
There was a time in my life
When I was beaten down, broken, lost
and left for dead.
All those who I thought were my friends
left me when I needed them most.
But before they left,
they blamed me for my suffering.
I was all alone,
abandoned and bleeding on the side of the road
I thought that this was it.
I thought I was taking my last dying breath.

But something happened.
A person I couldn't identify in my wounded state
picked me up off the hot asphalt
I lost consciousness in this stranger's arms
And when I came to
I was in a cabin
On a leather sofa
In front of a roaring fire.
The stranger came over to me
and offered me water.
When I took the glass from his hand
I saw there were round wounds on both of his hands
As my vision unclouded gradually
I noticed that his face had terrible welts
leading down to his neck.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned
He laughed endearingly
and said to me:
"Yes, dear. This is the price I paid for all of humanity."
I am confused yet intrigued,
and I ask him to expound on what he's said.
He looks into my eyes,
and there is a split moment in which I experience
this deep sense of recognition,
But my cognitive mind
is having trouble piecing together
these nebulous inklings.
He begins: "You are not alone in your experience
of being scorned, abused, abandoned and wrongly accused."
I look at him puzzled,
for he is merely a altruistic stranger
Who has quite literally saved my life.
But I begin to feel anxious,
wondering how he could possibly know so much about me.
He continues: "I too have experienced all this. I was sent to earth from Heaven by my Father to teach people what unconditional love really is. Since humans are marred by sin, they are incapable of expressing God's kind of love in its purest form. This is why my Father sent me. To embody this Love and liberate people with the Truth of this Love."
"But there were many who hated me for delivering Love and Truth to a dying world. I disrupted the status quo. All these people who had been seeking God religiously rejected God when he came to them in the flesh."
"This all culminated with one of my closest friends deceiving me and delivering me into the hands of my enemies. I was innocent, absolutely blameless, yet they found fault in my purity. They found fault in my refusal to bow down to and conform myself to their customs of *******. I see this spirit in you also. I see this unwillingness to conform and follow along mindlessly with everyone else. You are wise for this. But the world also hates you for exactly this reason."
Tears well up in my eyes,
And I can't keep myself from wailing.
No one has ever known me so well.
But this is a stranger.
I ask him: "Tell me, who are you? What is your name?"
He responds: "I am the Son of God, Jesus of Nazareth.
I know your suffering intimately,
For I was wounded for your transgressions
I was bruised for your iniquities
So that by my stripes you are healed.
I was a blameless man
Who took on myself
The entire punishment of this fallen world
So that you, a wretched sinner,
Can become blameless in the eyes of God
and be set free
from the consequences of sin
which is death.
Though you've been abandoned and left for dead
By this fallen and corrupt world
Keep your focus entirely on God.
Laugh in the face of your every trial,
For what power do dire circumstances have over God?
God will supply you with
His joy, courage and love
in abundance,
Equipping you to spread the seeds
Of this revolutionary truth
about God's unconditional love
to a love-starved world.
Just as I have overcome death,
I have made you an overcomer as well.
Where there is an abundance of light
there can be no trace of darkess.
The darkness of this world
Was overcome by my light.
Chose to accept this legacy of light
and follow in my footsteps."
River Feb 2019
Pianist playing right now,
thank you for quieting the storm in my mind
It's moments like this one
That cause me to believe in God
Right when I felt like I couldn't bare the storm
within for one second more
You sat down at the piano
in the room next door.
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