Early mornings start dark
and quiet, and still
My side of the earth has not yet awoken,
the birds and the crickets are not heard
I feel as if I can be myself
while my neighborhood is rubbing there swollen eyes,
there eyes averted, not on me

sometimes, during the day
When people are awake
I feel like my words echoe
and hit walls
but never quite make it
to the ears of the hearts
who I want to hear
It always feels unclear
Radio static

In the darkness I feel my brightest.
In the darkness I feel my freest.
In the darkness I feel my wildest.

Physical darkness doesn't scare me
Emotional darkness does
A lack of introspection
A refusal to take inventory of yourself
and clean up "your side of the street,"
To get your **** together,
to heal your pain

So don't cast your darkness on me
When all I'm seeking is to shine forth through my broken pieces.

I'm laughing
Twirling through the fog
of this dispassionate love
I can no longer play the game
I set myself free
to run as far as I need

Ah, my mind has been clinging
To what?
Fictions of love
But love isn't the way we were taught
Love is self realization,
burning your former self
whispering sweet goodbyes
to the innocence of your childhood

Adulthood is the grave of childhood dreams
Yet I've reawakened something in me
This is why I dance upon the breeze
Embracing the colors of the wind
Imbuing everything with meaning.

Sometimes depression overcomes me and I wonder if anything has meaning
But then I remember
Life is abundantly beautiful
and it means everything.

It's not too late
To love

I know what dying to self is
It's a metamorphosis
But it's not pretty

It's a dissolution of everything you were
And all you planned to become
Burning in wild flames all your disguises
To get to the heart of who you truly are
And what you need to be

Because this world needs people
Who can welcome change
People who can allow God
To strip them bare
Until you have nothing left to cling to
When you're destitute
That's when you'll be free
From all this vain striving in our society

I once was strong but now I'm weak
I'm tattered, torn a part, barely able to speak
But I feel so real now
Before my mind was a machine
Trying to calculate how I would acquire everything I want and need
But now I have peace
Because I trust,
That whatever may be
I have the strongest ally beside me
Though I don't agree with religious ideas of God
I believe God's unadulterated love
Is always guiding me
Whispering ever so softly,
"Listen to me."
I want others to have this love for themselves
To know they are perfectly loved,
And love has a way of healing things radically
Some would even say miraculously.

What are these words for
when emotions like a tsunami
consume me
Why must I feel everything so deeply
so beautifully yet so distressingly
I've always seen the world in magnificent hues
But sometimes the somber blues are pronounced
I walk through the earth
as if the air where a thickened liquid
Stumped by misery
Hurt by the compassionless
and the sickened state of this world

It feels, at times
Like God has let go of my hands
and I fall
so rapidly
to the torrents below
The deluge swallows me
And I'm drowning

All I see is vain ignorance
or intelligent armor
I don't see the people connecting anymore
through wide open hearts
I just see phones snapping and snipping
pieces from our tired, worn out lives
Our hearts are closed and small
Just like the Grinch
living in caves
up and away
from connecting with life
in a way that opens us up to both hardship and bliss

I'm drowning in the sadness of my mind
To rewild my heart I must disconnect,
take some time
Follow the flow of the river that runs below
soak my feet in the salty mud
connect with God, though maybe
God is everything
the feminine, the masculine,
The breeze.

Do I see it now?
Images and echoes of future notions
reverberate through my mind
I'm trying to come up with a definitive answer
But the future is concealed,
Smiling slyly behind privacy glass
I'll never know, despite how much I grasp

It was just,
words were shared
Words that I haven't spoken for so long
Those words flowed through me effortlessly
And gasped sighs of relief
as they hit the air
that carried them on sound waves
to his ears

I felt like he saw me
I haven't felt seen for a while now
Who is this mystery man
That I've always admired from afar
Coming unpredictably into my life
And cracking open my heart?

The unplanned encounter felt natural
So natural it was almost raw
I exposed myself,
Naked
Flaws and quirks and odd thoughts
Openly displayed
I couldn't be anyone but myself
And with him that was okay

This encounter has triggered daydreaming in me
But I must remain rooted in reality
For the ride on cloud nine is exhilarating yet swift
It gets you so high
and then kicks you off over a cliff
I've gotta be patient, I've gotta stay strong
I have to really know myself
Before I can know another
I've gotta let all expectations go
and just go with the flow
No manipulating to get my way
Just simple openness to a God-led way.

I want to dream
You all say your life is unsatisfactory
That makes me so **** sad
I want to live in a world of possibilities
Not helplessness and depression
I want freedom and loving expression

I know what I dream of exists
I must love myself free
From this miserly mix
I have a heart beating within me
And I will listen to her.

Fuchsia, Magenta, Yellow
Running down
Making strands of color
On my face
I'm laughing
Cheerfulness in multitudes makes me appear
A fool
But I've never been one
To be cool

I'm weird
I must admit
I could never be in the cool crowd
I belonged to the under dogs
The eccentrics
The outcasts
I didn't want to fit in

Because I want to let my freak flag fly
I want to don all the colors sprawled out
like a kaleidoscope of endless colors
I want to love in my ****** up, peculiar way
I want to run in the rain
Run so far away
But allow the sun to soak and dry every tear I've cried
I need my fellow weirdos
To join me
I never fit in
And I don't need to
I just wanna be me
I want to love, love, love!
Endlessly