Goodbye Sunshine,
You were never real
You were merely artificial light
That I gave meaning to
You never touched the drapes of my windows
Because you were never the sun
Only the real sun comes through my windows like a lion
Bright golden yellow,
Keeping me from my dreams
Because finally, I find my bliss in reality

How can I fathom leaving this delusion?
I have all these poems about you,
Inspired dreams, hopeful writings about you
And yet, here I am
I dug the grave
To bury the dream my wild imagination created
My imagination, always going too far down the rabbit hole,
Until my glasses are traded in for
Virtual reality goggles
And all I could see
Is my fantasy unfolding right in front of me

Here I am, on this oddly warm day
In January,
Laying my figment of you down to rest
How can I let go,
When I never truly got to feel and see
What it would be like
To be yours
Maybe I wouldn't have even enjoyed it.

I yearn to exist in a space where the stars all but blaze
Where stars aren't celebrities
Where they bask in the night sky unpolluted
And just exist
I crave truly being in an environment that does not depend upon phone screens
Where my peers and myself do not walk through life in an addicted daze
Unaware of the haze that descends as an effect of such technological dependence
We are walking around with our eyes unconsciously searching for the stimulus that society constantly feeds us
These electronic signals flashing upon thin panels of glass
And This is what we call Living
The dopamine flooding our brain when that text vibration brings our popularity to attention
Capturing our attention holding it captive
We are prisoners of our own purchases
Rusting our humanity away enchained
In a web of unsocial media and notifications
We never have any silence

When was the last time you just sat silent doing nothing

When was the last time you allowed your mind even a sliver of space to just exist

I like creating
It's fascinating
Putting pen to paper
Putting paintbrush to canvas
My life is here today and gone tomorrow
And I have a deep need to express it

A silly song corrects all that is wrong
Shaking your hips can give you momentary bliss
Kiss your image in the mirror
And laugh with strangers
Live as much life as you can
And don't hold yourself back

Express yourself
Being who you are is something you will never regret.

I hid away for a better day
I warmer day, a softer day
I fell into thorns
It had been day, the sun was bright
I wandered through luscious woods
The green calling out to me
But I traveled too far
And the sun grew dark
I looked straight into the sun
It blinded me
And I fell into thorns

I don't need to live this way,
Aimless and without cause
I wonder toward a cliff
I had always lived on the edge
Monotany is more dangerous than risk taking
Stop living your sedentary life,
It's killing you

I ran into the storm
And it swallowed me
I danced in the rain
I threw back my head and drank in life,
In all its glory
I let it swallow me
I let it engulf me

I became a river
An ever changing drop of water
I yielded to the curves of the riverbend
And I can never correctly see
What's right ahead of me
So, I just have to let it be

I'm a blind woman
Without her walking stick
I'm a blind woman, dancing in the rain,
Swimming in the river
Being swallowed by the storm.
And I'm laughing.

Feelings flooding in like
Iridescent waves
Sparkling in the fiery sunset
I call out to an abundantly vibrant,
pulsating life: I love you!
Because, I truly do.

I saw these glittering eyes,
Ones that mesmerized
I said hi
Then their were myriad goodbyes
But infinite hellos
With you, I can never really tell
Where the time goes

Your chin is like honey
Escaping the beehive
Dripping down the grooved bark of an oak
Your eyes are two dazzling blue jays
Penetrating my inquisitive eyes
You look deep into my eyes
I ask you questions just to sustain eye contact
You answer, but your eyes tell me stories that your mouth fails to speak

I'm staring at a clock,
And how it ticks away,
It's sort of quizzical,
Wouldn't you say?
See, all we have is today, tomorrow and yesterday
And I wonder what all these days will amount to,
And I wonder will I end up with you?

I have to separate my ego from my soul
Because my ego makes decisions selfishly
But my soul knows what's best for me
And I rather follow in
What brings me joy
I want to be in love
I want to love
I want more
Of this beautiful,
alive, pulsating life
I want you, I want me
I want everything to be merry
I look inside my mind's eye
And I revel in paradise

I enjoy you,
I truly do
Desire is a flame
I must be careful not to burn you
I must retract my claws
Restrain my ego
From trying to take what's not rightfully mine
I'll sit in silence
And wait patiently on peace
And I'll let God direct me
To the path of love and joy.

Listening to rap
Okay
Well it makes me feel invincible
Wonder what it feels like to be up
On that stage, thousands cheering your name
I would love it
Because I thrive on people's attention
I'm always finding a way to get it
And it drains me
Attention isn't love
It's superficial.