SEVERITY
sometimes the severity of my emotions is enough

LOVE LETTERS
i don't write love letters
i've never written a love letter
and i will never write a love letter

April 16, 2014 1:15am
desperation is a beautiful emotion because it's need escalated to its highest capacity. and i desperately need you.

march 1,2014 11:09pm-11:14pm
I keep a lyric calendar on my wall composed of newsprint and sharpie to keep from writing the sentences on my body. I had the urge to sit within a locked room naked and start at my toes scribbling nonsense and the words on the tip of my tongue and in the depths of my mind until I ran out of skin. My desire to do this was overwhelming and I found great content and frustration in replaying this fantasy in my head over and over and over and over and over and over and over again...In my insanity I like to write on my skin. manic scribbles and crossed out phrases and words. And i wish they were permanent. That the ink of the sharpie really was permanent. But why wont I get a tattoo if I so carve to carve the words into scars across my skin?

march 1,2014 11:09pm
im writing more than im' speaking so i can do less thinking

march 1, 2014 10:36pm
I just want to die tonight. There's nothing that can distract me from my ceaseless thoughts and this feeling of engrossing sadness demanding my undivided attention to be felt.

march 1, 2014 8:48-9:02
with my feelings about my 19th birthday and birthdays in general why does it hurt so badly that she didn't follow through, that she attempted to care by setting up a banner but failed to be there beneath it when i came home when I knew that that's what would happen. When i'm use to these kind of attempts. Actually its the only thing I've ever known or been given are failed attempts. But I didn't expect anything from her at all. I didn't want anything from her at all except time. My whispered thoughts to myself were "i only want her time". Maybe its because of how much she already makes me into nothing so to half *** attempt to do something for me on my birthday, the day of my existence, is just an ironic but appropriate thing for her to do. She wouldn't think this much into it. She cared but just doesn't care enough and she dosn't have to think about it at all past the action. Dosn't have a reason to think of the effect. Dosn't have to think or know at all the effect. Its just an action to her and my reaction is my own. It was her obligation to do something and she tried. Oh I shouldn't say tried cause that implys that she meant to do more. No no no that's it. Just a banner. A banner to haunt me in my hallways of the time she dosn't have for my life on the day to celebrate the time I've been alive. Maybe its only right then that It makes me feel dead. But its just a banner. Without any emotions or feelings involved it's just a birthday banner and that's it.
(mymuse)

march 1, 2014 8:46pm
i know other people have felt as i feel. I know hat I will end this emotion. but the only emotion i want to feel are hers and that's whats killing me because I've erased myself to feel her nothingness. she feels nothing for me.
(mymuse)

march 1, 2014 8:45pm
i only write sad poetry

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i never thought my love for you could expire even if our relationship did
but lately it feels the other way around
-may 30, 2013 4:45pm
(with you in mind)

don't be so in love with tragedy
-may 30, 2013 4:46pm

i like the little tattoos on your skin
even if theyre visible theyre like whispers of some secret
-June 19th, 2013 9:03pm

in so much pain
so lonely
im so so sad
-June 20th, 2013 10:20pm

i almost noticed the fragmented shatters of your mind
...almost
just, almost...
(what you do to me)

I need someone to live for and right now You’re not enough.
I don’t know if You’ll ever be enough anymore.
I had the thought a while back that I loved You less and less these days.
That scared me but I thought I was strong enough to live on my own.
I want to live on my own
But not without You
It’s obvious that I’m dying without You
But you?
Are you worth living for?
No…no…not at all
It’s my choice only me to blame
But I love You.
Why? You don’t deserve my love.
But I love You all the same
-with you in mind