GUN
I can’t decide: the temple
or the mouth. In my mouth
it reminds me of holding a spoon
on my tongue, or when I  leaned pennies against
my gums. It is like licking the key to the shed, 1999.
The temple reminds me of my mother’s thumb
Pressing against circularly, circularly.
I shoot.
I wake up in front of a computer screen.
The air crashes together rippling
like a snake digests small rodents. I wake up next
to a beautiful woman. The explosion comes in
layers of jagged red and parallel yellow, like a cartoon.

PILLS
Swallow-Puke-Swallow-Can-
not-let-mybody-winthis-­one-Ilock-
-thedoor-andleave-ano-
-te-
No-one-should-come-look
-i­ng-for-me.

TRAIN
Don’t notice the figure lowering himself
onto the tracks, pausing to consider lying down
then the light comes, and I turn toward it
letting my bag slide from me. My jackets molt.
The only sound is the plank rattles of feet
running south. The only feeling is the space
between a cloud and the crack of lightning.
The birth. Light envelopes the figure.

JUMPING
I leap
far
because (Bernoulli’s Principle) not
wanting      to be ******      back
against the side of the build
ing, like examples:
      window-blinds
shower curtains.
      I realize every time
I argued(lied) airplanes were safe.
This is when (building) I hit.

CAR
I am with you,
Jenny. I couldn’t do this
without you. I hold your hand
and realize I have never touched your
skin until this moment. Neither of our hands
are cold. The fumes coming from the siphon hose
are warm. I smell the dirtbike from the time,
9 years old, I topped the hill. Beyond,
are wildflowers. I cannot remember if this
is a dream. Waking up, Jenny,
our hands are
falling apart. Jenny,
your hand has not gone limp,
but it has lifted like a jellyfish.

You have changed my mind
The darkness stops time
As I sit at our spot by myself
Wondering, just what the hell you were thinking
What the hell are you thinking
Every bone in mybody aches to touch you
But I wont, I'll watch from far away and hope
Relentlessly and stupidly that you'll notice me
But you won't
You're stupid in every way that common sense provides
Facts though, barracde your every line
Littered with vocabulary I don't understand
Your words still make it hard for me to stand
Weak at the knees, I can't forget
You don't know about me yet
I'm right here in front of you, as you wander off
Looking for someone to love
If I were to hand this poem to you,
You would think it was about someone else
Beg me to tell you, show you who
Who knows I may even lie to you, give you a name
Show you a face all to carry on my charade
But you haunt my dreams and my love scenes
Yet you'll never be with me
Here's to you

Breaking bones.
Break my face.
Inside a voice thats laced with hate it tastes
Like sour grapes. And stains
The shades of make up on my face..
Until it becomes a break against the tidal waves.
That brave the way. To break against the colossal. Impossible odds. The stones. That make me feel this way...
Like hands massaging.. me.
My arteries.
The marching feet. That carry. All of me. To deposit blood upon the sand...
Acknowledge me.. again
As not a man. But a goddess. In the grand...
And make honest thought to keep me in your plans..
When you want to be my man...
*** pain ain't strange...
When beauty. Comes from scars.
That shape my skin.
Like Mark's upon a treasure map....
The pleasures max.
And now my spinal makes a final crack...
And lines of marching. Ants.
Take sweet sugar. From my hand and plant it in my mammogram.
When feet feel cozy.. my nose gets rosy. *** I focus on that. So mybody pain ain't half as bad.
How does God manage that.
My wrists crack. And my face racks.
Tackle matter in my ***.
And spread mass to make it fat.
Like every chick. Who ******
The guys I liked.
And left their heart.
In bags. For trash. So they could cry to me.
And ask for guidance. *** I'm a man.
And not an object for attachment.
******. God if you want my ****.
You can have it back.
******* snap my back.
Compress my tissue. Bone
And body fat.
Until I scream. For mercy.
Little *****. See blackness
Smell disaster.
Should come faster. But I'm scared
With every fraction.
Of Intelligence. Still left.
Inside this shattered mind.
Left behind
By peers. Who grew in comfort
While I became an addict.
And a savage
Just to hide the sadness in my eyes...
So my dad. Could laugh and mask his
Hiding lies behind depression.
Regret. And life lessons
I held to hide.
Like every girl has thoughts about her father
When their nine.
So I did every opposite..
At development. And centered life around a lie.
That creeped inside.
Like snakes to slide. Like leather hide that hides a knife.
Inside a pocket where no mods can grow
Although its wet inside
But that's my life. I need to try.
And live it right.
I love my kids and popcorn.
But the rest was just inside.
I ****** everybody's life.
So it's time to dusk the fields
So moons can rise. And light the
Paths. Of every mindful ray of light left in my eyes.
And still my tummy rumbles.
It's a jungle when harambe.
Captive.
Lashes out against. A cavity
Till it breaks.
Like waves against the sand.
And shake my hand.
And say my name.
It makes me wet. To
Know you want me.
Now that I dont want you back