In the dark of the night
I brought you home
You were dressed in all black
We drank shots of malort at the end
Perhaps the beginning
I think.

When I start partying
I drink until I reach a place
Where I don't think so much
I don't feel so much
I just breathe in and out of each beat
Each tiny second.

I want to make this poem all about you
But the truth is my heart still
Lingers and wanes.

We were supposed to see each other tonight
My producer said your name so entirely wrong
I wonder if you behave the same way
You did before.

My best friend is far away
She feels eons and planets away
I reach and I reach
I reach for everyone I thought knew me best
And I hope they will reach back.

I think about the future
Men I think, think of me as a feat
A *******
I send up flags, confetti even
Forewarning I will leave
I think of another lover's fear of attachment to me
And it makes the resounding echoes to and out of my skull
That not all men feel nothing for us.

I wanted you to feel the most.

I all want you to feel the most.

I'm always thirsty
Always longing for more
Remembering
How I gave every ounce I could
I don't give like that anymore
I don't reach like that anymore
Even if in the quiet moments
I feel remorse
A longing

Because of you
And the want to be carefree don't wanna believe
Love, wannabe
That surrounds me
I don't play it back
But I'm no fool.