You were just like any other girl
Such a strange way to meet you
Saw you at a concert, Dimmu Borgir
My heart leaped, like I knew you
Nearly screamed "hi"
Oh wait, I don't know you

or do I?

Slowly start the rumors
There's a new girl in the scene
She's got puffy hair and a doll face
Loves Finnish people
Never seen Turks in the metal scene
I uncovered all the intriques for you
All the lies and stories
I'll cover for you girl

And did we ever cover for each other
Team
-Third degree concussion
"It was just bad luck"
Stayed by your bed for three days
-Mum kicked me out
Stayed with you for a week
-must've drank too much
The earth is turning
Must've smoked too much
The earth is turning
The scent of Agent Provocateur
By my side
-"you can't give me a fine!
I have diplomatic immunity!"

And nobody quite understood
Your OCD like I did
Spent hours, days, weeks, months, years
Tryingto fix you
Your crazy never held me back
unconditionally
4 years later, you're a normal girl
Two weeks apart, all undone

Two weeks apart
And I'm a hotmess
The lights went out
The world went dark
The fire went out
Dynamic Duo undone
You're a hotmess
Tears shed over air waves
Your voice through Skype

"It's a strange relationship"
Said your psychologist
"I've never seen two friends
So in tune with each other"
I have my heart full
Of fond memories
We lived a lifetime in 4 years
And we made it all count

You've been gone for years
We grew up
My heart's still full
And as I tell myself
It's all gone
I nearly hear you squeaky voice
As I read the text

*Last night I got drunk and watched all our videos. Happy birthday. I love you

She is dressed like an unmarked bottle of tequila
Smuggled and homemade

There's some dirt on your cheek
Leave it there
Out here looks good on you

There is the crunch and scrape
of dirt in the threading
little pebbles against my teeth

I spit them out onto a smooth portion of cement
Pray that in the blurr
I can read divinity
in the way the dirt falls

Another swig and I am heart heavy
Like scrap metal
and old houses
like fat sacks of glowing mercy

She smiles like a pipedream
of twisted shining copper

She speaks in head spin
This is what it feels like when god talks to you
without killing you

She says
You are not in the business of
feeling sorry for yourself

Name the year

This is the year of the shedding of weight
The year of the cutting in half
The year of shaking the dust
From the fragile places
Wiping the dirt from the threading
even if you have to use your own mouth
so you can finally seal yourself
without worrying if it will hurt this time

The year of hotmess
And young love
The year of leaving
This is the year
Not where everything is lost
But a new lightness is gained
In the way you can walk away

So pull your heart out from the rubble
of the past

This is the year of being charming
The year of fist fights and no regrets
The year where you finally understand
what it means to be honest

This is the year of shaking the dust

her.
        eyeless enigma.

she chasing another listener.

another one tied to fraility
   trying to face the lid-less night,

constellations swarming with his
     questions.

she.

      kindred tornado.

inspiration's explosive alleyway.

she has left me for another.

  left me here.

    sullen, chiseled out,
a hidden sculpture leaking blood.

stuffed in silk,    since the last time  

             she was here.

    where does she hide or linger?

her ghost words waiting in a unseen library waiting for my thoughts to scroll through endless imagination.

muse of the stabbing spruce.

blinking in and out.

I am dejected out into ghost town rain, not even an insect to look at.

she is gone.

my eyes void of color, claws shred the page, she left me, dulled with hangdog drift.

where is she?

shadowing a hitman?

running wild through the next Picasso ear?

how does she imagine me?

  a conflicted whisper outcasted in rain.

where. where. where did she go?

swishing leaves up into the miracle blue air with another.

towering perceptive ideas into the fingers of grace,

flowing down the anxious page smashing mediocre left and right.

**** her. bless her.

she.  

    a butterfly threading golden silk.

her mystery bonding with the population of every Galaxy.

I was rested when she left.

when she returns

  she will not recognize me.

my frazzled hair.  my hotmess trainwreck. my burned up furniture smoldering into the carpet.

Me.

on a rooftop  scrubbing through starlight like my skylight of dreams.

if I wait with patience of Job.

will she sunrise burst me

in fountain light

falling through me

like that lover who exists in the 5th dimension.

rocking my world with pure fire thunder.

And I'm doing horrible as ever
But my comebacks are clever
To fit my personality
And you can think whatever of me
Or you don't
I am fat and worthless
But I am a hotmess
Of potential
Just need some inspiration
From someone that seeks desire
In imperfect tramas