In a nonchalant nook of a meadow and brook
There's a spot where the rules don't apply
It's not easy to find in the rushes enshrined
And you'd have to be ever so spry

It's here, cast aside, that the fairy folk hide
The ones Disney politely declined
Though they twinkle and fly through the midsummer sky
Their employment was less than refined

There's a stout looking sprite in a shimmer of light
With the buzz like a million sighs
Her name sent a shiver straight over you liver
It's Shitwallop, bringer of flies

There's a couple of wimpish and creepy wee imps
Pale yellow, like ageing canaries
It's Wagglebrow-Kisses and Gropetit-Dismisses
The ****** Harassment Fairies

And floating around with a raspberry sound
Leaving sulphurous fumes as she goes
Like a starfish but hairy, the Flatulence Fairy
Queen ******* drifts up your nose

There's so little to write of the Soddomy sprite
That I won't even mention his name
Dodge Flapcrack and Slurpees the Harpies of Herpies
And avoid any friends of the same

If you want my advice, which will have to suffice
Then I'd stay well away altogether
For I've not even touched on the ******* and such
And a fairy looks scary in leather

Doubled over with glee
Extinguishing the flaming escorts
Then taking off to Alphabet city
To meet the escape artist
He's nutty
And has asked me to accompany him to his thirty four acre plot of land
Somewhere out in East *******
He wants to film a blockbuster
It's top secret, only we know
There will be a scene where the protagonist yodels for his father
And erects a windmill with his honest hands
I found this pony-tailed guy in the classifieds
He was looking for an accordion player and I replied
He called me The Flavor of the Week
He had boxes and boxes of wigs and toupees
And every time he put new one on, he was a different person
He would go upstairs and leave me in the den
I'd hear thuds, thumps and screaming
Some kind of emotional turbulence
He said he bit the bullet when Houdini made it big
But when Houdini bit the dust, he went rapping at the door of his estate and gnawed at the door handle
And would not stop ringing the bell
Laughing and laughing
It was his chance to get the rebound
And get down to the nitty gritty
But I couldn't bring myself to tell him this was going to be a box-office bomb
He tried incessantly to revive his dreams
He went mad and ran a square mile
He still writes me, and tells me I never call
The phone works both ways buddy
And I do not see you coming in today's forecast
So I'll come to you, you *******