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Poems

Ayeshah Mar 2010
Sooner or Later
I'm going to get back in shape,
loose some of this weight,
work out and get off this couch.

Sooner or Later
I'm going to stop smoking and laugh at things again,
remember the good i once saw in everyone-
even the tiniest bit that used to  exist.

Sooner or Later
I'm going to stop emotionally eating instead
I'll go for a walk and talk to friends again
let people in again.

Sooner or Later
I'm going to write funny poetry about
the things that  once pleased me
make people laugh instead of sad.

Sooner or Later
I'm going to play with my kids again be  more into
what they like to do instead of the same mundane
Mondays that now seem to to be everyday.

Sooner Or Later

I'll look back at all the things I should of did.

I'll remember I should of left you
sooner then later.

I should of put my children before you Sooner then later ,

I could of made it with out your hurtful words and bruises Sooner.

I could of let go of your many excuses sooner.

I could of saw my OWN
**** self so much beautiful then you saw me
SOONER!

I should of worked out for my own resulting end Sooner -
instead of become so thin.

Sooner So much sooner  I should of listen to my woman's
"intuitiveness" and never ever stayed with you for as long as i did-

SADLY  

so sadly now I look back on it all with bitterness & self loathing regret-
wishing  I'd of done  all of this and more....

Wish i'd changed  So much sooner for me.....

Wished I'd found hope & love.
Sooner or later your gonna wish

I was there instead of  in this

lake where


I drowned myself.

Sooner OR Later!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
English Jam Jan 2022
I didn't know
I made for lackluster company
And I never realised
You might get on without me so easily
And I didn't know my problems
Were too much for you to take
But know I only have the walls
And I need to find some escape


I didn't mean
To treat you so unkind
Ain't it just like me
To not realise I'm so blind
I'd never want you
To feel alone in my presence
And if this is how friendship works
I supposed I've learned my lesson

Sooner or later one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
Sooner or later one of us must know
You're the one I really tried my hardest to get close to

I wish I'd known you felt
You spent a year on your own
Had I known that, I might not
Have to spend my whole life unknown
And if that seems dramatic
Cause surely I'll find someone again
Then I think you overestimate
My ability to make friends

Sooner or later one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
Sooner or later one of us must know
You're the one I really tried my hardest to get close to

But I was only trying
To do what you said
I didn't know our connection
Was only in my head
Somebody said you're happier
And I'm glad for you
But I wish you could tell me
Now what the **** do I do

Sooner or later one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
Sooner or later one of us must know
You're the one I really tried my hardest to get close to

And I don't blame you
So don't pity me and change your mind
I just want you to know
I never wanted to be unkind
And I just wish I knew
The last time I saw your home
Was the last time I'd ever see it
And the last time I wouldn't feel alone

Sooner or later one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
Sooner or later one of us must know
You're the one I really tried my hardest to get close to

I can't help but feel
Deep down you kinda lead me on
But I know that you
Didn't really do anything wrong
And of course I respect
Your feelings and decisions
But it still feels like my heart
Was ripped out with great precision

Sooner or later one of us must know
That I really did try to get close to you
Sooner or later one of us must know
You're the one I really tried my hardest to get close to

And now I can't identify
Any feelings anymore
Cause I've never engaged
In any friendship before
So when you said you
Still wanted to be my acquaintance
If that was some kind of joke
I wouldn't know how to take it
im pretty sure i just lost one of my closest friends today. ironic thing is, i only have one other friend, who is in a different country. ironic ironic thing is, i've never had a friend that close before. ha-ha. clearly i don't understand how this friendship thing works
Sometimes you open yourself up to a person because you feel and believe that they're different and maybe this time they won't break your heart and that your love will be requitted. So you go out on a limb and open up so much of yourself to this person. Things that you're afraid to tell others about because of fear of being judged or rejected. But there's just something about this person that allows you to tell them everything. You become so comfortable in the presence of that person that you openly admit your flaws, you don't hide it. You just completely lose yourself in love and in the thought and concept of being loved, of being in a relationship and of being with someone that you can be yourself with. The idea of that person just completely excites you and everything about them makes you happy. Seeing them and hearing their voice just helps you in an inexplicable manner and being with them is an emotion of complete comfortability on its  own. You learn to love this person and you accept their flaws and differences. You accept how they might not necessarily love eating McDonalds as much as you do or they are crazy about sci-fi movies where you can't even get yourself past watching a chick flick.
But that's just it, you don't mind.
You don't mind because love is about sacrifices.
Its about sacrificing your weekly episode of The Vampire Diaries to watch the most recent sports updates.

Because you'd rather lose the argument than to lose the person. You'd sacrifice a part of your daily routine all for love. The worst part is that nothing is guaranteed. You're not guaranteed how long you will be in a relationship with this person. You're not guaranteed complete happiness and you're not guaranteed that things are going to be perfect. You just have to trust this person and have faith. Believe the best and hope that everything will work out for the. Best. Believe that even if you break up with this person, that you're going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok, and that new beginnings are perfectly acceptable. Believe that you're going to overcome heartbreak of any kind. You just have to believe that someone out there is looking for someone like you.
What others see Wrong in you just might be the exact thing that will make someone else fall in love with you. And you need to be realistic. Not all relationships last forever. Some relationships are there for lessons and experiences. So that very person that you completely open yourself up to, can break your heart. It could be during or even after the relationship.

But its all part of life I guess. You'll never know how to love someone wholeheartedly if you haven't been hurt before. You just have to turn your heartbreak in to something positive, make the most out of your situation. See the light in the darkness. But learn to deal with things too. Find closure in what happened to you and don't leave a relationship with unfinished business. Because unfinished business will have to be finished sooner or later, and I think sooner is better. Allow yourself time to heal too. Opening yourself up to someone that much can hurt you a lot, and everything you had with that person will be completely lost in an instant. And you're gonna need to come to terms with that. Remember that what's meant to be , will be.

Love, is a complicated thing, and you're never quite sure how things could possibly turn out to be. You're just gonna go out on a limb each time hoping for the best and patiently waiting for your happily ever after with a special person.