Agnostic girl full of
Belief in the mirror I
Create behind closed
Doors that open wide when I
Emerge into the terrifying world
Faking so much, so often
Grieving the fear that consumes me
Holistically I am an actress
In a world full of pretenders
Jestering my pride and arrogance
Keeping an ounce of who I really am with
Love from my closest friend
Most nights I can't go to sleep without
Nodding along to the music with tears in my eyes
Opening and closing, so close to losing every
Particle of my true self who hides behind the façade of
Real tough girl, but really I'm just a
Scared little girl, seeking approval
Through abusive relationships that get me nowhere
Underestimating my worth
Vicariously living through those I help
Wondering when I'll stop pretending and wanting
Xanax to ease my mind and cure the never
Yielding ball of AGGH in my stomach reaching the
Zenith called my mouth for awful bile filled days

This is the reality
That creates me