you carried me home,
again,
I am inebriated on the cheapest liqueur,
you've done this before,
you've held me,
and if we had to walk you made sure,
you walked on the outside
you know me,
and my tendency to conduct
traffic in the middle of the street,

if we drove,
you,
made patterns on my back,
smoothing out my dress,
or collecting all that I have taken off,
like a jaded version of Hansel and Gretel,
you are always picking up the pieces of the crumbs i dropped,
you forever in the friend zone,
and I am continually putting on and taking off,
creating intricate dances for strangers,

and you catch me when I fall,
I am forever falling,
wandering the woods looking for danger,
or maybe just another way out,
I speak to witches,
you pray to Jesus,
I used to call him mine.
and you hold my hand,
when I began another round,
of self infliction,
another bout of self destruction,
you stay my sword,
swords that nick my wrists,
that have found home in obscure location
but can be found in any provocation.

you stay my hands,
allowing me to yell and scream,
allowing me my anger,
you know it's just misplaced,
and I am just struggling to deal,

I recreate wounds that never showed up,
play house with the demons,
as they remind me I have been beaten,
with the words of an abuser,
I felt the tainted touch of emotional vice.

but you follow me,
lovingly,
consistently,
like a chain wrapped rigid around your heart,
and I feel in foggy delay,
so intoxicated with the ghosts of things that fester,
you are the only one who keeps me safe.

And I have loved you, even when it seemed like I didn't notice,
I know you hold my hair when porcelain tattoos my skin
and I am making love to tiles on the floor.

and with any and all parts of me that are good,
they have lived and survived because of you,
living in the wasteland you have become my sun.

your grace and love carry me,
though I am not as strong yet to live for them,

you have shown unmeasurable kindness,
to me,
and my knight to beat back my darkness,
I may not say it,
I should just say it,

*I love you.Forever and always.

take.
it.



its all I have,
these words.
and I put these
words to paper,
but they are circling,
the garbage chute in my mind,
words I throw your way every time.

It was bonfires till the morning,
I wrapped up in the paleness of your skin,
and the embers darkening,
and camping in your backyard,
with you hands wrapped around me,
like you were falling,
but it wasn't you darling
I was the one falling,
into tenderness in sickness,
weakness attached to health,
and the regret of you existence,
married to the wealth of my emotions,
pressed tight between us,
was the seed of all my hope.

take it back.

Ah! An idea! Bouncing neurons bump
frontal lob to ear canal, rushing down
veins, pulsing through arm muscles and finger
bones until the tingle erupts for a pen.

Arms scramble, books over desks
shoved onto their sides, French homework flies around
Mozart concertos swirling up towards
ceiling fans and floating down, down, down ,down
until landing gently on, of course, a pen.

A pen- the holy instrument that will
transfer innermost thoughts and emotions
into beautiful prose and poetry.

Held by fingers, the pen is power- but
wait, the pen has no ink. (Gosh-darnit-all)

i used to think in between should be one word, a preposition unto itself.
i’m inbetween your legs.
i’m inbetween the sheets with you.
i’m that space inbetween your lungs and your chest where your heart would expand if i ever let it take that chance.
but the space-
the space, angel, is what makes all the difference.
i haven’t lost you to this,
we haven’t lost us.
we’re just in between.

Let’s make a promise to ourselves…that we won’t let them take over our lives
That we’ll still make room for friends
That we won’t make a scene if they can’t hangout with us
And that if they hurt us then their gone…
Because no one deserves to lose friends because of boyfriends
And no one deserves to be hurt by stupid guys
So let’s make a promise that we’ll be true till the end
And never let go…

Let’s make a promise to each other....that we’ll take every opportunity that comes our way
That we’ll never let each other down and we’ll always be there
That those desperate texts will never be ignored…
And that we won’t fight over stupid stuff
Because we’re best friends, we’re closer than close…
We’re like sisters,
So let’s promise each other that we won’t leave
And we’ll always be there…

To our mothers and fathers…that we’ll always be their little babies
We won’t fight and we won’t disobey
We’ll always answer our phones
And we’ll never be late for curfew
We’ll never speed or get a ticket…
We’ll never break the law
That we’ll always try our hardest and that we won’t ever lose our innocence.
That we’ll love them always and forever and wont forget them
And we’ll promise to visit them in their old age

Let’s promise god that we’ll keep all of our promises
And that we’ll always pray and be faithful
Because that’s really all you need in life to survive
Faith….so believe
And keep your promises …

Death hurts us all.
It hurts the ones close to the lost.
We hurt even more when we hide it
but some of us have to hold it in
its the only way we know how to get over it
but we never get over it.
The people who show no emotions
are the ones hurt most by death,
but when they show that they are hurt by a death
some d-bag comes around
and makes it a thousand times worse.
When this happens
we dig ourselves deeper into a hole
where we don't show any emotion at all.
Destruction is hurting the world.
We have to stop destroying the world.
People destroy peoples hopes dreams and any thing we hold dear
but we try to make sure they can't.
Still some d-bag comes along
and destroys everything
then we are broken like a glass bottle that hits the cement.
We try to piece ourselves back together
but destruction comes agin and destroys wat ever is left.
We stay broken after the first crack is made.
We act like nothing has happened
but it is allways there.
Despair is the worst
because everyone tries to hide it
then we r left there with no one there to support u
and help u through it because no one knows.
There maybe a few people who care
but the rest don't give a crap
and jst want to hurt you.
the d-bags in the world that think there r so much better than u
when really they are so shallow
that they choose the person around them
that's goin through some type of crap and puts them through
h* just to feel better.

we sit; we wait
for one of us to break
this silence in the midst
of our chatter filled fits
this may sound outragious
but our feelings are contagious
and we are stuck going over
every dirt covered bolder
known as an obstacle of travel

we talk; we take
every breath we make
seems to cause tenseness
in our teenage census
words collapsed with desire
like an anaerobic fire
just waiting for some replies
on why our hearts seem to cry-out for a touch
for a feeling we want to clutch
and our minds no longer repent
for free the souls of the innocent

Idle time fills the killers mind with

Polluting thoughts of a different kind.

The remnants of a feeling left behind

Reminding him of a love he’ll never find…