I need happy
and sun and breeze and warmth
and slow, steady breathing
I need constant
and true and unfailing
I need willing

I really need touch
to be held, to hold back
to feel your breath over my neck
to feel your lips meet the small of my back
I need my lips grazing your arms
my hands sliding over your chest

I need innocence
I need calm and new and refreshing
and honest and hopeful

there are a lot of things
that are missing from my life
many of them
left badly
like a mother
brothers and sisters
and Daniel...

...i don't have words
to describe you,
Dan.
and i cannot
even write a poem
saying that you died
because to me
you haven't
some little part of me believes
that you are still here somewhere
and that is what keeps me
from breaking into little shards
that cut everything
they touch
you are somewhere
on your red motorcycle
with your bone-crushing hugs
still drinking and doing drugs
and smiling, smiling, smiling
even though
they say that is what killed you
i don't mind the ****.
i really don't.
i liked your heart
too much
to believe
you were evil.
you weren't.
and despite what some might say
i think you are in heaven
if only for the reason you were sent
to prison
ask jesus
to hug you for me, Dan
jesus knows
a righteous man.

small hours
drinks were higher
we met at the wrong place
with our blood warmth face

a moment of chase
a number of rejections
endless nights of crying
endless twinkles of trying

you held me in your arms
you stitched up the seams
from that day on
i vowed to give you everything you need

there wasn't a day without a storm
nor the rain or the clouds overhead
neither was there a bit
I didn't looked forward into meeting you in all days

it's sick to think of how much you're adored
when you first walked in
cherished by many
but loved by one

now that this is gone
a part of me has drifted too
I don't know where it is to
but I hope it's with you

with this our chapter has closed
sealed and locked kept in the back of our minds
and if chanced upon it
I'll smile

for you were once my reason to love and to smile

i cant seem to put it to words
when it comes to us
for we were once a pair
now forsaken with memories

everyday was a story
and there’s more to remind me
of the lovely times we had
of the looks that we shared

distances were nothing
illnesses were inferiority
to be together became a priority
and that was made mandatory

i cant help but
to not deny
that youre all i think about
whenever im alone

when all that’s left
is just thoughts of us
opened and unconcealed
just a place for settled dust

                                                   of you and me.

Questions on why, why and why;
all over in this ******* mind of mine,
driving me insane.

Oh how nostalgic this feeling is,
to be able to go back to the past,
and then realising–
You’re nowhere near there.

Instead, constantly drowning
in an endless tunnel of
the unknown.
Can’t help but to feel
lost all the time.

Unfamiliar surroundings all over,
to the extend where
the strange and the sorrow,
becomes your only two friends.

It’s a dark dark place,
and the dying are only dying.
Impossibilities are endless;
Feelings are dead.

Constant pain;
Constant thoughts.
Constant fears;
Constant grieve.

When is this all going to end?

I wonder if you’re fine
I wonder what’s on your mind
I’m sorry if I sound inquisitive
Because I don’t want you negative

to love a poet is amazing
you're never dead
nor are you alive

you'll live forever in writings
in texts
you'll always be a piece of someone's mind

it's not a bad thing they say
neither is it good
for your soul can't rest in peace
as you're being remembered long after you're
decapitated

to love a poet is foolish
a fool i must say
for you won't have a judgement of yourself
as others judge you from the poetry written

"but love a poet,--"
they say
it's not good
if i may

life and death are solely in their hands
your entire life in their passages

the soul is one to take
and take as they shall may
you'll live forever in them
as you're slowly being decayed

to love a poet is one's choice
and not to be taken lightly
"pen is mightier than the sword," they say
and it is true to believe in it

so love a poet
wanderlusts and nostalgia and memories will lead your way
it's a rough road
and bittersweet as you live in

i wanted to write
the most amazing things about you
about how wonderful you are to me
and how i was glad to have met you

but then again
i would have to share you
and im not especially good with sharing
when it comes to the one person
that i love most

so here i am
counting the little things
that made me fall in love with you
and here i am
deleting the reasons for anyone
to fall in love with you