While
Autumn's breath
seductively undress trees
their leaves
of beautiful hues
fall upon
the ground frolicking around
I sit quietly in awe
as I witness transition
of Fall into Winter

It
was the
crystal clear
I refused to see
like...
a drop of truth
serum
laying await at the bottom of
an eye

similar
to sticky fingers
eyelashes attempted
to prevent its unavoidable voyage
I
tried
to pretend it wasn’t there
while at the same time praying a breeze
would come to dry it up
before its source could witness
the only surface sign of the pain he caused soul deep

the
more I tried
the more it struggled
to loosen the grip that held it back

the
wind never blew
a breeze
and
a
solitary tear
eased to the tip of weakened lashes
as
salt does
to an open wound
it stung when it met with skin
however
not near as much as
the reason
it was
there

l i n g e r i n g
it
traveled
d
    o
w
    n

a
cheek
once caressed by
an assumed lover’s hand

like...
a
tourist
sightseeing
a resting ground littered with
relationship wreckage

at
the edge of
my chin it d a n g l e d
as if reminiscing for a moment
...then
d
      r
i
     p
p
    e
d

to
the floor
to begin the puddle
for those that without doubt would follow



©2007cj

Even though
she could see,
"for the meantime"
lurking in his eyes and her
heart recognized
his words, "I love you"
as a lie

She
swallowed them
like candy coated truth

Because...

It
meant
more to her to have
anybody's body by her's
than to be without
somebody

His
'goodbye'
was unspoken, but
written
all-over-her-body

He had *** and gone

And...
once again
Somebody, had her body
And she had
nobody

...but her own


©Cj
​

Little did she know
The sweet nothings he whispered
Were exactly, that

I know...
it must be a good morning
in your part of
the world

here...
here in my
little space on earth
I'm not too sure...
anymore


after...
all this time
in my mind you're
still mine

even if...
you're really not
you'll always hold apart
of my heart

I
wonder...
would it surprise you that
I often have spur-of-the-moments
when I want to talk to you

sometimes... with urgency

probably not

because
it's how we used to be before
I lost that luxury

its
killing me
to know she's taken
over all liberties that came
with being your
lady

silly me...
trying
to orchestrate
a reality where you never existed

actually...
believed I'd live pain free
but...

your
special ring tone
was my wakeup call that had
me singing the blues
on how I lost you

and...

after
all the verses
were sung I wished to God
they'd reverse to when our hearts knew
we were in love

impossible I know...

so...

here...
here I sit
surrounded by all these
memories of us indulging in
each other's time
and mind
and
how...
I
failed
to take one of
many opportunities to say,
'I Love You'

perhaps...
you would've
inhaled the words and
felt what I was feeling souldeep
for you.

instead...
I'm living in
the company of
misery
as
we watch
you in love with her
while she happily lives a life
meant for me

I
guess
truly loving you
means wanting your happiness
even if...

its
not
with
me​



©cj

He finger painted
Undeniable colors
Of Love on my heart

He, 
he is...
he is as close
to me as my skin
through
my pores he 
invades
me
awakening
untouched places
marking me thoroughly with his distinctive scent

so I'd
breathe only him
endlessly 

his 
smile my
silver lining for
grey skies bursting clouds
into golden sunshine


he
glows on me
like the moon and stars
does midnight

sweetfully
he accentuates
my life

spiritually moving me
souldeep into him

I
began 
and end
with his existence

to 
him 
I endlessly 
belong


©cj

That
sound...
of sweet joy in
his laughter
that he shared with me
last evening

His...
last spirited
laugh right before we said,
good night,
was...
like a lullaby
sung to my heart

I
was in...
a dreamstate
even before I closed my eyes
and
he was thoroughly
in my dream

I
don't know
if...
it was intentional
but...
he recaptured
the attention of my interest

Maybe...
it's the innocence of
our interaction
that turned me on so much

Some kind of...
magnetic pull he has on me
it's
i n t e n s e
and...
I can't keep
myself from wondering
if...
it's the same for him
Or...
is all this
f i r e
and
d e s i r e
inside of me
one-sided?

Whatever
the outcome
I want him to know
I'm
always...
gonna treasure
what only he's been able
to do to me


©cj

Clouds
smothered
the shine of the Sun
throughout
the day

And

The
Moon and Stars
somehow found a hiding place
in the wide, night sky

Music
has lost its
tune and all songs
have no more
meaning,

except...

the
Blues,
minus their
rhythm

Since
you've gone
nothing's been in sync

EVERYTHING, in life... is (less)


©cj

He used to read to me

my
being
was taken by
every silky note that came
from within
him

his
creative essence
produced picture thoughts
that I journeyed on of his memories
hopes and dreams and wonderful imaginary things
it was extraordinary the way his words
spellbound me

I
cried
when his words cried
laughed when they laughed and
learned when they
taught

   He used to read to me

with
wisdom
and witty phrases
he kept me all caught up
induced an addictive tendency in me
that made my mind salivate at the thought
of his words spoken
to me  

  intensified…

my
interest
used to widen
to feast on his compositions
like
a
fiend
every sound
outside of his voice
was nonexistent
when
he used to read to me
often…

I
slipped
between his lines
and realized he relished our
intimate word moments
just as much
as
I

He used to read to me


someday…

I
hope
he
will
again

If I could be love,
I'd be...
Love, birthed
Love, given
Love, received
and Love, everlasting...
The only love,
I wouldn't want to be...
is love lost,
to
anybody.

Three days, they
surrounded with weeping eyes
and sorrowful hearts
acting, as if
they empathize

  Three days...three days,
full with concerned phone calls,
condolences cards and
encouraging words,
"stay strong," they said,
"they're in a better place" and,
"you have an angel in Heaven now"

who cares...

I'd
rather them here
with me, thoughts ran through
my head

Three days...three days...three days  

of sharing memories
and  
promises of
'gone but never forgotten'

...then ****
like...
houdini's magic,
everyone was gone and
life went on

from my
point of view
I'm the only one  
missing you

I  
dare  
they  
be
joyous

amidst, my hell on earth
  
I  
watched
through eyes  
that cried endless tears
day and night and what seemed  
like in between
while they...
lived
laughed
and  
loved

No one
can truly understand
until someone soul-deep in their heart dies
and rips their life apart
  
I realize this, cause
I didn't, until...
I
lived  
it.

I've
loved a lot
in my lifetime
and
I've loved
many, deeply.
But She, aside from God,
is the greatest LOVE
I've ever
known

we
have
sensuously fondled
the soul of each other's mentals
with  
creative wordplay
prosed verbs and nouns
and emphasized the importance
of the vowels
U and I  

we
have
bathed in the
ocean of our imaginations
almost to the extreme of obsession
and composed thoughts of
double digits
like  
60nine along with
other numbers and letters
and rhymes with reasons that
b l e w our minds
m a n y
times

we
have
metaphorically
foreplayed to set our bodies aFLAME
and playfully insinuated which vowel was to blame
U or I?

count l e s s times
we
have
f
    a
l
   l
e
   n
into
the depths of
our verses and have been
s w e p t away by
the intensity of our poetic liaisons
e v e r y
s i n g l e
t i m e



©2002cj

rain…

rain
down on me
saturate built-up walls of
over-guardedness so they may crumble  
and set free who I used
to be

and then…  

I’ll  
stand tall  
as before and partake in
love’s offerings  

I beg you

rain…

rain  
down on me
r u s h over me
let  
each  
drip drop  
lot
sink soul-deep    
swish -swash away painful stains  
that’s taken up residence and evict residue of dissolved dreams that scream…
“you've failed to make us come true”
brighten  
up my blues
teach me to sing songs of better days  
even…
in the midst of life’s worse  
storms  
so…
every morning
I’ll rise with the energy of
'It’s great being me' coursing through  
my veins
let  
the fresh scent  
of after-shower inspire belief
all I’ve gone through
wisdom is my  
gain

rain...

rain

rain
down  
on
me

An
early
morning breeze,
gently tickled my nose
today, with the scent of
sweet honeysuckle
and
reminded me
of
you.

she's
a liar and
a foolish woman
​too full of herself or
​frightened to
admit

​she's lost without you

​
the
sun is gone
​blue skies have faded and
clouds hover above
​her

​
Sunrays
​only reflect upon lovers
and she suffers at each glimpse of
​their togetherness

​
Loneliness
​has entombed her
she's chilly whether indoors or out
​day and night even when temperatures
​reach record breaking, hot

​she

​is

​f r e e z i n g

​
Her
​tears fall like
​rainfall whenever she
​encounters lingering scent of you
​and her spent in the bedroom, bathroom, living room

​in

​every

​single

​room
christened
​in the name of a
​soul deep love

​and like a shrine she enters each 
​kneeling, inhaling and worshiping EVERY **** image
​that daily ritual brings

​and

​when
​compelled to step
​outside amongst scrutinizing eyes

​she
​prances in her
​prefabricated glow trying
​to convince those
​around her

​she
​hasn't
​missed
​a
step
​without 
​you

​
all
​awhile
​­inside

​she's tripping

​and

​crying out in
​agony

​
since you

the
sun's
​been
​gone

​
and

​she's cold

​soul

​cold

 

©cj

I
see
your eyes
and smile in
passing strangers
and hear your voice in the songs
you used to love to sing.
Memories
of you play like
picture-shows in my mind
and my heart
loves you even more
than before.
Death
only keeps us
physically a part,
but spiritually we'll always
be together.

Happy Heavenly Birthday,
Kayla
❤

midnight's
descend clothed me
in darkness,
stilling
the process of
you giving up on us

but
it was useless
when
dawn's ascend
stripped me naked with
a
vengeance
that ache-quaked
my being


it's
no longer there
your...

sugary, salty taste
that clung to my tongue
long after our ******* sprung


imprints
of your fingertips
were fading fast from my skin

survival
instinct kicked in
summoning daydreams to
pull down my eyelids and project
memorable moments with you

but

souldeep your absence
persistently
abuse my senses

the words,

{{YOU'RE. GONE. FOR. GOOD.}}

beated against
my eardrums resounding thoughts of
your scent, I'll never take in again

or

feel the heat of your kiss
on my lips


each
footstep
taken, led you away
trampling my heart into
an
unrecognizable rhythm
from the way
it used to beat
for only
you


I
feel
the slowing
of your love flow
through my vains and hear the
weakening beeps

I
know
our flat line
is just a matter
of time

love's death is near

and

I
don't know
rather to let us

rest in peace

or

do my best
and try to resurrect
us


 
©cj