Since early childhood I've never been one to actively seek the "dramatic" in life; it emotionally drains, it's a blocker of productivity and, quite frankly, it's stupid.
In the sandbox there's always that little one who is perfectly happy to play alone; that would be me avoiding those in love with all the ups and downs drama creates.

There are no better times in life for me than finding that serene inner peaceful place;
the one I seek out when the world seems to be going mad without base of rationale.
The wise of life have looked within the depths of my eyes and deemed me "old soul";
I was too young at that time to understand until another learned elder explained it.

Was still too young to fathom all entailed or why I was chosen born an aged soul; but knew, even at that age, all things happen for a reason and when meant to be.

As I grow older the passage of time for me seems to quicken; Which made me realize when I was very young, life is brief and is not to be wasted on anything related to the toxic or anyone's energy draining emotional drama.

Because as we all age, we run even faster towards the grave.

She couldn't remember the last time the sky was blue
And the grass was green

Her agonizing screams
Left unheard
All because you were at fault
For the scars under her sleeves
And the blood going down the drain

She longed for the blade to take her to the other side with
One
Swift
Slice

She tied the rope
Took the pills
Sharpened the knife

Yet still
No one noticed

Where is she now?

Still hanging
Just waiting
For someone to care
Just enough to bring her out of her darkness

The smell of burnt goodbyes
and strawberries
surrounded her

Battle scars displayed
down her arms
up her legs
across her hips

The smile on her face
didn't match
the blue in her eyes
and the red on her skin

She had lost the war
Her mind turned purple
and it all went black

I often contemplate
On the complexity of life
Why darkness still dominates
Even when it's bright

It always seems like
While others are fine
I tend to be the only one
That wants to die

Drunk on thoughts
Disgusted with life
Get me out of here
I'm drowning inside

Intoxicated with madness
I'm in love with my sadness
The pain is overwhelming
Can't you see me crumbling?

If there is a God
I want to ask Him why
Why did He leave me
Holding onto lies

I try to suppress my memories
But instead
I keep them close to me
Only to find out
It is what that kills me

Pour poison into my veins
and let it flow through them.
Keep me chained,
- set me free.
Lie the truth to me.
Make me happy.

Pull my strings
and let me dance
to the music of your lips.
**** my mind up.
Play with me.

My collarbones
- they vibrate.
My muscles
- they burn.
Touch my cheekbones
gently, softly.

Create wounds and scratches
all over my skinny body.
Then inject morphine
into my soul.
Then let me raise
like smoke from ashes.

Cure my veins
from venomous blood.
**** me slowly,
drugged and drunk.
Build a monster
out of love.

Remember my eyes
- insanely mad.
Remember my skin
- white and pale.
Show me the light
and let me see.
Or close my eyes
and let me be.

Beautiful tragedy, life is. Nothing understood and
Judgement always comes first. I cannot find...
I am crashing into brick walls over, and over,
And over,
And over,
And over,
And... I am a broken record. I forget
When I say things. If I say things.
I need to just stay silent. Sew my mouth shut with thick black thread.
I can say more that way.
I might as well do the same with my eyes.
I can see black that way. I love the view. So tranquil.
But I can still hear you. I want you.

Cut these threads and let me see your eyes. The aqua-green color I can drown in.
It kills me to know you look at me. I don't deserve someone like you.
It drowns me. You do. Because you love me. And you
Allow me
To love you back. Infinitely.

I never want to leave. I love you I love you love you. I love you. I love you. A broken record again.

The misery of repeating things, thinking things. I am a mess.
But I have a vision. A recurring dream.
Stay with me. And it will be a prophecy.
Leave. And it will be a lost desire. A crushed hope.
But it gives me something to live for.
I love the pain. Thinking about bad things, my demons, is my harm. My release.
That or you. You touch me, play with me. My mind goes wild. But we haven't gone that far at all.
You just amplify this adrenaline.
It blinds me. Sight goes fuzzy, flash, blackness.
That is the blackness I remember.

Did I tell you I once thought myself insane?
I saw the nightmares you only dream of. Every waking hour.
My brother had nightmares about shadows following him. He screamed as he woke up.
He never saw them outside of his blankets.

I did. They tugged at my hair. Gave me chills. Distracted me.
They followed me constantly, but they were my friends. They knew me.
And they were pitch black. Midnight. No light. No light. No light.
Broken records, scratched CDs.
I am a broken record again. Just a dark disc turning, spinning, turning, spinning.
I am dizzy. I faint. I sleep.

This is the blackness I remember.