There you lie in your sterile bed,
With your sterile hands and your sterile head.
Tubes growing from your torso and limbs,
Your body intact but your spirit becoming thin.

I look at this person I knew before
All lifeless and blank,a human no more.
The tubes are your lifeline,all yellow and clear
To rip them out and give you your pride,
I would pay dear
But to have loved and watch you now
**My own Death I fear !

There are demons in my chest
That make me heavy,
That tell me that I am not enough.

There are demons in my mind
That make death feel like a dream,
And if that dream is real, I will sleep forever.

There are demons in my stomach
That communicate with the demons in my mind,
Repeating, "I am too big. I am too big; do not let her eat."

I have told the doctor about these demons
He said if it gets worse
I should come back.
I don't think I explained it right,
Because it can not get any worse.

It's ok to not care
      and pretend your eyes are just watering
   and pretend that it means something to everyone
  
             and not just to you.

It's ok because they
       don't really want to know if you are
     and you can't take admitting that anyway

that

  it kills you

There I was
Alone sitting down.  
You sat next to me and said hi.
I wanted to get away from you
I don't know why

Kindness and friendliness
Is what you offered me everyday.
I started enjoying your company
Laughing and smiling
Each day we saw each other.

Months passed.
I realized that I had feelings for you.
My heart leaped everytime I saw you
Loving each smile you gave me.
Enjoying every silly conversation
That we had in that dull classroom.

Its been two years.
We no longer talk like before.
I never told you that I liked you.
You're now with her.
And each night I feel sad.

But I'll always treasure those moments we had.
Remembering that young boy that sat next to me.
Who was kind and sweet.
That smile that would make my heart melt
Was one of a kind.

Perhaps
You really did
Steal my heart
Are you running away with it?
Or did you throw it to the ground?
I don't believe you would do either
But I am so unsure
Of what you want
Do you even want it?
You seemed to
Now
I'm not
So sure
Anymore

Come thou, thou last one, whom I recognize,
unbearable pain throughout this body's fabric:
as I in my spirit burned, see, I now burn in thee:
the wood that long resisted the advancing flames
which thou kept flaring, I now am nourishing
and burn in thee.

My gentle and mild being through thy ruthless fury
has turned into a raging hell that is not from here.
Quite pure, quite free of future planning, I mounted
the tangled funeral pyre built for my suffering,
so sure of nothing more to buy for future needs,
while in my heart the stored reserves kept silent.

Is it still I, who there past all recognition burn?
Memories I do not seize and bring inside.
O life! O living! O to be outside!
And I in flames. And no one here who knows me.