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"I will not be apologetic.
I won't apologize for loving you the way I do
or for loving you the way you want me to.
For touching you in places I shouldn't have,
for touching you where you trail your hands.
I won't apologize for loving you until I burst,
I won't apologize even if everything hurts.
I will not be sorry that my kisses are stormy,
I will not be sorry that I'm always in a hurry.
I will not feel bad when everyone is mad,
I am glad to say that you're the best I've had.
I will not be apologetic
that I'm never decisive,
I will not be apologetic
that this love is destructive."

Is that what you're expecting me to say?
Is that what you wanted me to write?
To try to turn the night into day?
To try to turn the wrongs into rights?
Did you want to rob the sun off its rays?
Did you want the moon to lose its tides?
Were you wishing I'd surf your waves?
Were you praying I'd love you after the lies?
I hate to say it, I hate to break it to you,
I couldn't, no I won't do it, it just won't do.
"Baler" series, part two
When an era ends a bell should ring
Even if it’s only tiny.
When the Curtain falls for the final time
The cast should get a flower.
When it’s all used up and there is no more
Someone should close the cupboard.
When the time is up and the whistle blows
We should all put down our hammers.

Sometimes the end is loud and brash
Sometimes as silent as sunrise
But which-ever way it comes to be
It always seems to be too soon.
It seems there should be one more try
Or even just an epilogue, instead
A note was posted on the door
And the era of folk music quietly ended.
             ljm
I was heavily into the folk scene in the 60's.  Had my own folk club for a while.
Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.com

                                     93 Million Dreams Away

                                          For Thomas Futrell
                              Will and Kelly’s Little Sunbeam

The sun plays peek-a-boo among the leaves
One last game before children must go to bed
And then our lady moon comes in and weaves
Such happy dreams for each little sleepyhead!
Tried to make peace with the Devil...
Left me smoking on the floor.
His chuckle left me all disheveled
As he sauntered out the door.

The contract, signed and duplicated
Left no real peace of mind.
The lawyers say it's complicated;
They'll get back to me sometime.

A fine print clause embedded
Intimates there's something more;
The peace I made is shredded;
I'll hear the flames around me roar.

The politicians have no chance,
Experienced though they be.
The devils celebrate and dance;
The Devil must collect his fee.
Thinking about compromise in the areas we know are right and wrong.
Something wicked, this Way comes
When sadness surrounds the Doldrums

Melancholy’s bit is Bitter, Sweet
Looking for mom’s face on the street

Praying as a child to find her and care
Streets of LA, sea of empty faces , cold stare

It’s strange, What we hold onto, cherish
Reminisce, of a loved one who perished

Unfinished business, Hardens the heart
Moments before, we were pulled apart

We find Silent comforts to cradle our mind
Where’d we come from what did we find?

Dealing with death’s passages of times
Needing help with our imaginary crimes

The first person I ever knew who died
She was 46 years young, my soul cried

My beloved mother Throat Cancer
Disenchanted asked God for the answer

Each second Every breath More Shallow
Then the one before, her face Hollow

Questioning The last time for this or that
Lapse memory, The Last time I fed her cat

Yet I never really paid attention
The uneasy emotions we never mention

Now, I pay attention to the smallest details
beauty in rain in hail that clean wet smell

The last thing  I’ll ever mention
Having your full undivided attention

Mom needed all her children near
Leaving earth the biggest unknown fear

Feckless children weren’t around
Couldn’t be bothered wouldn’t be found

What to expect on the other side
Her guardian angel her ethereal Guide

Three days before mom died (her and I)
We were sitting on corner curb outside

Her words were soft, gentle and kind
I don’t worry about you in my mind

You’re like a cat You’ll have many lives
You’ll land on your feet not on the street

Her voice grew intense serious and brave
Listen to me Don’t go to my grave

You need to realize I won’t be there
Find comfort with others Grieve elsewhere

She knew in the crevices of her head
Funerals are for the living not the dead

Pretentious, pompous circumstance
Don’t cry a pity party, Sing and Dance

A gentle smile graced her face
Her wisdom a tear stain trace

Find something Spectacularly brilliant
That will remind you of me resilient

A remembrance you’ll see
put it in your house, There I’ll Be

I found a clear quartz crystal cat with claws
Amethyst heart Dangled between its paws

Daily Family walks Nonchalantly By
A dust collector they see with a naked eye

I see life’s memories in vivid detail
Mother’s Grim Reaper rang her bell


Inspired songs;
1) fire and rain by James Taylor
2) He stopped loving her today,
sang by George Jones
Written by Braddock and Puttman
3) go rest on the Mountain by Vince Gill
4) tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
5) Live like you were dying
by Tim McGraw
Songs of morning and say goodbye. These are sacred so you don’t need to be religious to have a song universally touch your heart and touch your soul. Each one of these songs has a backstory of death and dealing with that pain. If you listen to the backstory on each of those songs, you’ll hear this song differently. This is why, when I read poetry, I always want to hear the backstory I get a wealth of information, and a deeper understanding of the poem and poet.

Sorry for the lengthy footnote, but I guarantee it’s worth the read

My mother had terminal cancer she did not want the children to see her dwindle away. She left us five children with my father. I was so young I thought she died any time I would mention her I would get a kick in the shin or a elbow in my stomach, learn later, my older siblings in life are now the truth. My younger brother and I did not until I was 10 years old. She tried to see his children. Mother said no I asked my sister who is that person and a small boy she said mom. I prayed every day to God. When I’m a grown-up, let me find her and let her know I care and she made a good person . Grandma (her mother) wanted me to take up with a private investigators left off after seven years of searching for her. (grandma was dying )They had some leads I was 20 years old. I found my mother when I was 21. I had been to every Alley in Skid Row and places young women should not go alone. I had a friend at know downtown LA the roughnecks. The last place of all the places we had been for months with a thrift store women shelter For personal necessities. I showed the photo went through this story to my surprise. The lady clerk pointed to the back of the room.
I took my mother home. I thought she’d be living with me now not on the street but on the third day, she said, I have to go home or they will give my room away she actually was living in a Victorian hospice with Catholic nuns. The headmistress came and asked me if I knew what was going on. Of course I did not because mom didn’t tell me. She told my mom was dying . she only had three months  to live. I prayed just let her be alive. I didn’t pray for more. God gave her to me, and then he took her away. I was angry for a long time. And then I realized God gave me three month to love and be a peace complete unfinished business. It Took me a long time to find my way back to Jesus . so when you see a homeless person , that’s a mother or father, uncle a grandma or grandpa those are people. Some of my family could not make peace with things until they knew she was dying. It was sickening toward my mom didn’t care about going to rodeo drive. They wanted to put a huge angel statue over her grave $25,000 a time ago I said no give the money to the nuns.
BLT Websters word of the day Challenge
Feckless 9-29-24
A person who is weak for ineffective
INFJ,
I guess...I'm okay!
It's nobody's fault,
It's how I am made,
1%
Who could have guessed?
I'm not an alien,
I'm no threat,
I'm "just special",
The test was cheap,
To tell me...I'm rare,
Not a creep

BLCostello 2024
It really is interesting, take the test, it's all about you!
I can't count how many times
I've been to D-Tox.
she was always
there by my side.
I turned her on to
the cheesecake and
yogurt berry parfait.
It was a plain yogurt with
fresh blackberries, raspberries,
strawberries and blueberries.
It was amazing- it still is.
We'd stir up the parfait and
pour it on the cheesecake.
It was divine.

I sit here and eat
it alone tonight.
The berries explode when I
put them in my mouth and
chew on them, it's like a
food that the Greek gods
would eat- an ambrosia for
the brokenhearted.
I think of you as the little
blueberries roll around on
my tongue.
It's all so creamy and succulent.

But, I sit here forlorn and eat our
yogurt berry poetry and cheesecake.
And each berry stores a memory in
every luscious bite.
I feel downhearted that you
aren't here with that juicy
purple fluid running down your chin.
Here is a repost because I can't scroll to see if/when I lat put it up.
Here's a link to my you tube channel where I read my poetry and document my fishing adventures in the shorts lol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hP285EP-bo
Hello

Why does that little wheel spin?
Why does my patience wear thin?

Where are the poems I seek to read?
Where is the solution that we need?

Please repair the sites buffering
Please end our incessant suffering

We want to feel through others words
We want to work towards

Poetry
This loading is redonk!
My
     Grandson
                    Moved
                                 To
                                   Another
                                         State
                                             Caught
                                                         H­is  
                                                             First
                                                                 Fish
                                                           He
                                               Marveled
                                                 At
                                        It’s
                        Magnificent
                   Size
            Though
        The
          Lucid
                   Water
                        While
                           Reeling
                                   It
                                       In
                                           An
                                          Alligator  
                                        Ate
                                  IT
                          H­ook
                     Line
               And
        Sinker
                Welcome
                      ­   to
                          Florida


Inspired song
More Time Fishin’
Bye Thomas Rhett
BLT Webster’s Word of the Day challenge
Lucid 9-27-24
Something written spoken or otherwise communicated is described as lucid. It is very clear and easy to understand also describes things that are luminescent, or that are visibly transparent.
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