This kid I go to school with told me his “Perfect way to be a nice guy and get girls to like you” today in math class.

He said to find a girl who tends to get drunk at parties and sleep with random dudes and regret it later.

He said to go to a party with them and get them drunk and then instead of sleeping with them let them sleep in your car and take care of them if they get sick or whatever.

He said than you had to make sure to tell her about it when she sobers up and how it’s “no big deal”

He said doing the right thing makes you a good guy.

I guess what he doesn’t understand is that setting yourself up for personal gain by using people with personality flaws is not what makes you a good guy.

it's strange seeing
where everyone is now,

how one moment we were little babies at our desks,
trading lunches side by side,
writing love letters and getting kicked out
of class
how we truly believed in the meaning of
forever,
how we promised each other
we would stick together, like glue
after everything we knew would be over,
when the cold hands of life
would tear the hearts out of our chests
at last.

it was strange sitting across from you at that table,
with nothing but two coffee cups to symbolize
all the distance that no word could summarize,
how i listened as you filled me up
with the contents of your life that i could not
digest,
"we are buying a house together, it's so exhausting always going
back and forth, you know?"
i nodded and smiled, wondering selfishly if i would be
invited to the wedding.
coming from a family of divorce, i don't have much of a stance on weddings
but i have always found the idea of them
beautiful.

it's strange when you realize
success for you maybe different for someone else,
success for them may be a house, a car, and a high paying job
success for you may be just taking care of yourself in the way that
you give yourself something to look forward to
in order to survive another day,
in order to truly learn
to live.

and it's strange because
there comes a point where you know
two lives cannot ever be
compared.

Our fling.
Our thing.
Why did it die?
How could you?
No.
How could I?

I promised myself.
I won't cry.
I can't anyways.
I don't know why.

I could never commit.
You know.
You won't let me forget.

Suddenly,
You're with her.
In an instant,
Emotions stir.

I want you back.
I see the mark she gave you,
On your neck.

In the end,
It was my own doing.
Still,
My disgust for her keeps brewing.

I set out on a simple task.
Looked at the sun and started to ask.
"Can I change the world dear sun,
like you so often do?
Can I change the world I asked,
I want to shine like you."
The sun could see
She stared at me
And threw my question back.
"Can you change the world you said?
Is that what you asked?
My child you shine as bright as me
And with that mind, you have."

She’ll make cheeseburger pie and zebra cake for your birthdays.
She’ll go to Vermont and wears water shoes down the stairs of mossy rocks.
She’ll lay a towel to the side of the mountain with streams cascading down.
She’ll baby you and treat you like when you were 5 years old.
She’ll introduce you to Shakespeare and Monty Python.
She’ll fall in love with your school shows.
She’ll talk about dogs she had as a child while you sit with yours.
She’ll tell stories of when your dad was a child with his little brothers.

She’ll never leave your heart.

I stare in you eyes
See a story you want to share
Why do you hide
Many sides I do not know
It's okay to let it show
Only when you chose to grow
The yes do not lie
It's natural to cry
Window to the soul
Love offers a sparkling glow
Blink or wink tell me what you think
Eyes grab interest eyes see the way guide you through the day

There was something, is something, will be something.
There is my new dream
finally content to image the impossible
and this time I can add the 'almost'.
I havent figured out the world yet where we come together
but I am trying
the distance between our bubbles is shrinking
even if its only in my head.
No longer does this seem so pathetic
imagining a moment, a kiss, a hand
the feeling of you
the way it changes, everything.
I think I'm able to hope again
this time without fears or improbability
not sure it its the lack of daily altering or your kiss
but everything says its going to be ok.



*Winter2001

A name
                A face
                              A memory
                                                 Or Two.
                                    No life
                  No story
No hope.