I watched you walk away a moment ago.
Quickly.
I wasn't prepared for this moment.
The loss I feel.
The trepidation beating me down, hollowing out my heart.
Scarring my existence without the softness of death.
I must suffer in this loss, weak and frail – ****** and lost.
I dropped my head for one second – only one – so that the tears may fall.
I looked back to where you were but you were gone. I wasn’t ready for you to be gone. You had hurriedly turned a corner, dodged into a building and left me on the sidewalk, crumpled and distressed.
That I know of, you did not turn around to see me one last time. Perhaps your “one last time” look came when you said you didn't love me any longer and you walked away.
So easily they fell – those words – “I don’t love you anymore.” Yes, you said “anymore” not “any longer.”
When did that happen? So that I may know, please? When did I do something? When didn't I do something?
Please let it be something because I can’t live with it if the reason was simply that I was just being me. To think that being myself, the only person I know to be, could have driven you away. (Into the arms of another!)
Oh, is it that?! Someone else? I truly have lost – to someone who has no face, at least not to me. To you, it may be the most beautiful face you have ever seen and you can’t stop wanting to be near it, to hold that face in your gruff hands and smooching it …. Over and over and over and over.
Sans the face. Forget about it. I need to know, where did I fail? Please let me know. I fear though, you will not – let me know, that is – because you all but ran away from me, to put distance between our two hearts….mine broken, yours yearning for the face of another. The face.
There it is again. This face that I don’t know – mocking me while I sit, sobbing, on a sidewalk – holding my coat tight around me, the cold making the snot run from my nose and down my face. I shiver.
I will sit a few moments more – an hour or so, a day – longer to wait for you to come back and pick me up. You will come back, won’t you?