i saw him smile
i became distracted by the simplistic beauty of it
i tripped on the gregarious thoughts anxiously stirring in my mind
i fell
i fell just in time for him to look away

and not catch me.

|ss|

You left for Europe,
Left me here with no explanation,
I yearned to hear you voice or a sign
of dedication.

I didn't know what to do,
who to talk to when I wasn't with you.
Who to hold when you weren't here,
I wanted things to be clear.

I fell for you
like I've never fallen before.
It took me by surprise
because I kept wanting more.

But now that you're in Europe,
a few things have changed.
I miss you so much,
aside from the mistakes I have made.

I needed to feel something,
a touch of some sort.
I made love to another guy,
hoping my craving for you would abort.

And now I sit here
late at night,
wishing you wanted me,
as much as the Earth needed light.

Should I be sorry,
even though you left me in the dark?
Left me there to wonder...
How could one person leave such a lingering mark?*

|ss|

I feel it inside
it aches as i try so desperately to grasp
onto another thought that could make this
terrible feeling
vanish
people say we want what we can't have
but what happens when you crave this
when you want every curve from his persuasive smile
or every feeling you get when his delicate hands fill the voids in your body
that you thought never
existed
what do you do then
when his words say that he doesn't want a relationship
but his actions show that he does
i'm left in a state of confusion
my thoughts constantly clouding up my naive mind and soul
do i stay
do i let my fantasies with him overlap reality
or do i let somebody go
who i never thought could make me feel so
special and whole
i don't know anymore.

|ss|