I think people often forget
the big picture and think that everything is coming
to an end
or that they’ve ruined so much in their lives already.
Something really overwhelming happens to them for a few months
and they think all hope and possible
healing is lost.
All they want to do is wallow and wish it were all
different, never accepting
what’s really going on.
It’s that kind of self-absorption that stunts
the quality time in life.
It’s an obsession that stunts our means
of enjoyment.

we always want to re-invent ourselves when we feel
rejected, unwanted, left to the side.
we dye our hair or cut our hair or style our hair
so differently, so drastically, so unrecognizable.
we pack on make-up or strip our make-up
or pierce our faces, belly buttons, get tattoos, choose a permanent mark
to remind us of something solid;
something that represents
self-sufficiency or this too shall pass,
because we know we are gonna feel
rejected, unwanted, left to the side again
(and again, and again).
we buy new clothes, give away old ones to our friends,
new shoes, new bags, new look.
and we’re always picking up new vices, new habits, new addictions.
cigarettes, alcohol, razors,
all the late night reckless binges on wine, narcotics, food, cutting ourselves.
sometimes we pick up healthy ones too,
like running, swimming, dancing, yoga, meditating, resetting sleep patterns, taking vitamins, treating ourselves to the spa, eating regularly, getting out of the house to see friends.
we either avoid intimacy at all costs because we can’t fathom
the concept of trust anymore
or we dive into it with practically anyone, just to feel something real
because we are so ******* lonely,
but we never really feel anything real at all.
we make resolutions, goals, plans for our next relationships
so that they won’t follow the same patterns as our last crumbling ones
(they usually still do).
some of us change what we like, what we want, what we need
to impress people so that they
fall in love with us and will never leave us.
we begin disregarding ourselves for another person,
or disregarding everyone else for ourselves,
both because we don’t want to get hurt again.

and then somewhere, somehow after weeks, months, maybe even years of
the full fledged wavering of
destruction meeting recovering meeting ignorance meeting shyness meeting loneliness meeting accepting meeting fear,
we start to see the intricacies of the pattern much clearer -
we make all of these sudden changes because
we just want to feel better,
we just want to be better;
that’s all.
it’s taking charge, which is healthy.
it’s also making fact and point that we need to change to deserve love,
which is unhealthy.
all of it is like learning algebra for the first time,
some of us take a bit longer to understand it all; the formulas, the variables, the balance.
and once we understand the formula, the variables and the balance,
then we can welcome back the beautiful,
real version
of ourselves we’ve been trying to
cover up.

I, sleeping like an insomniac,
fell from the arms of a night
that didn't want me, and into
a day of repetitive flaws,
all of my previous mistakes unnoticed;

I had set a fire in my mind,
the likes of which started
by the sparks in my eyes
thrown up from a gale of ashes
of cremated memories and
fostered dreams nurtured from
a thousand nightmares

And so tired was I that I
barely noticed when I caught fire.

Sometimes in life we feel so depressed,
but unlike you, someone somewhere is not so blessed.
Somewhere in Burma a Muslim weeps,
while the rest of the world sleeps.
Somewhere in the west, Muslims are labelled as terrorists,
after the turn over events of the 9/11 twist.
Somewhere in a country a Muslim struggles to follow the Islamic lifestyle,
while its government gleefully smile.
Somewhere a Muslim brother dies in the midst of  war
while he has nothing to do with all the deaths galore.
Some where a poor dad cries,
when he cant help his family to a bowl of rice.
Somewhere, a Muslim mother painfully sighs,
for his child the last time it closed its eyes.
Some where, a man ponders if Muslims are to be blamed on themselves.
After all, these are their countries and their affairs dispersed on the shelves.
Somewhere the hypocrisy and double standard of the super power countries
towards the Muslims is indeed shocking to see.
Somewhere someone in the world believes people are trying to destroy Islamic values and the Muslim Ummah,
which is  against any human law.
Somewhere, someone is praying "Oh lord! Save this Ummah! and save this people"
from this killing needle.
Somewhere in this world some one must see that Muslims in this world are not totally free
which every suffering soul shall sadly agree.

Waiting, like molecules slowed in crisp heavy air,
Like earths rotation has been compromised.
The clock has all but stopped its ticking,
Anticipation alive and writhing, sticking
To the moment before it, sighing
Licks its wicked lips, it’s smiling.
I swear its trying to **** me,
waiting for water to rush
Over and replenish this parched earth
Is like waiting for a cure
The day after death has
Rendered me stiff and ridged.
Riga mortise over and done with.
I wonder how many times
That I can die before
You will warm me with your kiss.
I miss you

You stormed out,
But you're words willfully held back,
you took away all your promises and leaped out of 'us',
While I stood in silence as your eyes no more looked into  mine;
As your words struck deeper ,

One morning I woke up and found an empty space,
It was within me, and it throbbed with excruciating pain,

Without you, within me,
It felt like I was screaming, loud and shrill,
It felt like I was bleeding tears,
It felt like the world had abandoned me,
All the feelings locked within my cold trembling hands,
hollow eyes, and crisp dry lips,

I was rushing past places.... people....... myself
like an abandoned piece of paper flying down the road,

I was no more mine, I had been your's once,
I was no more living, I was a scattered hope of existence,

I am still standing there, right where you abandoned me,
I am staring at the floor that bid you farewell when I couldn't,
I am standing under one such sun splattered evening,
I am standing alone, looking at one such sunset.

'Twas midnight in the schoolroom
And every desk was shut
When suddenly from the alphabet
Was heard a loud "Tut-Tut!"

Said A to B, "I don't like C;
His manners are a lack.
For all I ever see of C
Is a semi-circular back!"

"I disagree," said D to B,
"I've never found C so.
From where I stand he seems to be
An uncompleted O."

C was vexed, "I'm much perplexed,
You criticise my shape.
I'm made like that, to help spell Cat
And Cow and Cool and Cape."

"He's right" said E; said F, "Whoopee!"
Said G, "'Ip, 'Ip, 'ooray!"
"You're dropping me," roared H to G.
"Don't do it please I pray."

"Out of my way," LL said to K.
"I'll make poor I look ILL."
To stop this stunt J stood in front,
And presto! ILL was JILL.

"U know," said V, "that W
Is twice the age of me.
For as a Roman V is five
I'm half as young as he."

X and Y yawned sleepily,
"Look at the time!" they said.
"Let's all get off to beddy byes."
They did, then "Z-z-z."