Welcome to the ten step guide on how to fool everyone into thinking you're okay

Step One: Smile. Smile your biggest brightest smile to ward off the people who don't know you well enough to realize that it's fake, let your pearly whites be the shield you hide behind so your secret stays a secret

Step Two: Even if the clouds have opened and poured down all the tears you're holding in dress up in your nicest dress so you get more compliments on how pretty you look than questions about how puffy your eyes are

Step Three: When confronted; say I'm just tired, push the fib through your teeth and hope your nose doesn't grow to the size of your lie and make sure you maintain eye contact so they don't catch onto how nervous you are that they might find out

Step Four: Cover up the jawbreakers decorating your skin by wearing a long sleeve shirt even though it's summertime

Step Five: Break out your inner actress, especially when he's around because while he's using your headboard as a punching bag he'll expect you to like it

Step Six: Every time you wanna say hate replace it with love...I love feeling helpless every day, I love being your human doll, I love being camouflaged with purples blacks and greens...I love you...

Step Seven: Fasten your dog collar onto the next notch because he wants you to remember how his hand feels around your throat, he wants you to remember what being scared feels like, he wants you to realize he owns you

Step Eight: Think about what you can do to make things better because as he tells you it's all your fault and he only hits you because he loves you and you're lucky that a guy like him sticks around with a girl like you because you're worthless and you believe it

Step Nine: Let it all out, scream into your pillow and shower off every fibre of him like it's a poison setting into your skin and then cry yourself to sleep to prepare for

Step Ten: Repeat

That panting belief of men;
a thirst for that which fills the glass,
beckoning the hand to grab the cup
like the itch moving the mind
to believe in
what?
Whether or not it’s enough we still fill that cup;
with some things,
others put in nothing.
Grab your cup and get drunk, get crazy,
love the world who is a capricious lady saying,
"Have one on me, fill it with everything!"
It’s a prayer without word or plea, the sound of everything ringing inaudibly.
It’s the power of song pursing lips to kiss dreams where we believe.
The canvas of our body, mind and soul
where we draw the ink,
imagine the dream,
and become reality.
The moment when the pen is the same as the beast starving for a feast only fit for men.
The same as the artist holding onto their vision.
The same as the language translating the soul within.
The same as the stars burning away the wick of entropy that ends the same as it begins
insofar as all finite things have their dreams in essence of their being
and yearn for infinity.

He says, “buckle up.”
I say, I AM A CAR CRASH
with silly puddy metal doors
and ****** hair and a hole
in my windshield and I am on fire.
In a bad way. You cannot tell me not to wreck myself because that’s what I do best.
I am thin ice on a popular lake.
I am an abandoned brick building and I welcome the momentum of a swinging pendulum ball.
Topple my structure,
I hold up nothing.
Knock me over, I have been empty for too long!
I am the combination of deep roots and wanderlust.
I am two colliding passenger trains in the middle of a tourist trap
that you never expected to visit this long. Long like 5 o’clock traffic amongst trainwrecks,
I am the obstacle and the road.
In my own bed and still wanting to go home
because he taught me how it is to really feel alone
like a 4am songbird
or an easter island cannibal.

Here I am
Staring at the man I used to be
Here I am
Staring at the man I have become
Remembering all the things I've done
All the battles I have won
And all the ones I have lost
I have fallen
And I have stood tall
I've  had everything
And I've had nothing at all
Here I am
Staring at the man I used to be
Here I am
Staring at the man I have become
All these things that I have done make me complete
These memories in my mind that will never recede
I have been blinded by optimism
And I have seen reality
I have hidden my pain deep inside
So no one would see
I have watched myself fall apart
And I have put myself back together
I have won and I have lost
The respect of many
I have seen and I have heard
The words that burn my being
Here I am
Staring at the man I used to be
Here I am staring at the man I have become
I have crashed and I have burned
I have  lived and I have learned
I have drowned in the abyss
And I have flown to the stars above
I have hated and I have loved
I have killed and I have died
I have laughed
And I have cried
Here I am
Staring at the man I used to be
Here I am
Staring  at the man I have become
All these things that I've done
All these things that made me
Who I am today

Somewhere in the lake
of deep sleep
is an island, dark and mysterious,
entangled mangroves here,  resist movements
where I snake in like a thief
excitedly breaking in to own house,
pretending to be an alien
and find
a body double living there
acting out one's secret-
fantasies and voluptuous desires.
I won't dare to speak aloud here,
where, the overpowering smell of
too ripe fruits of indecent passions waft.
The dark chamber,
the smoke filled ***** den of my mind,
is to  take secret refuge and be one
with a dream that flies me
to the border lands of psyche.

my chest feels so empty
and my eyes feel so heavy
and it's only 3:30 pm

on days like this, i wonder
how i got through it
before you

because the after is
proving to be
rough.

I'm not here to capitalize on you
     I'm just here to exploit your emotions

I'll be your new anti-depressant  
     Your defense mechanism
     Your Oral fixation

Your morals are safe with me
     I promise

Take this down and try calling in the morning
     You're not numb anymore
     I'm your electric addiction
     Your unorganized prescription

Little Miss OCD Queen supreme 
     I'll give you something to run with
     When you're feeling uninspired

Sweet ambrosia,
Straight from my loaded God complex
      That oxytocin's a helluva drug

Come on,
Invite me in
and
choke
down
my
angelic
soul

Breathe in and out the light,
before darkness falls
let me transmute your pain to medicine.

restlessness grips me
and loneliness settles in

squeezes me in its hands
and refuses to let me go;

i've come to realize that there are people who emphasize this misery i'm feeling so i shut the door and windows close and i don't talk

and all i have become
is alone.

I am
In a word
transfixed to a moment
the epitome of evolution
the pinnacle of creation
I laugh triumphantly
As my knife pierces the medium rare steak
So civilized

I am
that rare breeze
that has traveled the distance
of so many sorrows
a physical force
borne of the contradiction
between warmth and the abyss

I am
very respected
I adjust the tie
the trapezoidal patterns hide so coolly
the noose around my neck
a lynching of estimation
in a two part drama

I am
leaning against the wall
the flesh pressed against the graffiti
my being transposed against someone else's thoughts
its all a happenstance
an accidental meeting without a gaze
but for that commonality
we have nothing in common

I am
a synapse
I pass on the sensations
of pain and pleasure
without discrimination
my free will
in all its glory
succumbs to a chemical reaction
yet I must be more
or maybe just maybe
the knife I hold can pierce more than flesh

I am
floating on a stationary platform
I choose my destiny
I rearrange the order of confusion
a train screeches to a halt
a sea of ties and heels
self assured smiles
of the precise menu
may I have the check please

I am
a random canopy of emotion
I flutter in the breeze
the clearest expression of being
of breathing
of wanting
of feeling
a rare glimpse
a subtle smile
a delicate touch of flesh against flesh
its all too fleeting
transparency and no more