loving her was like the first cup of coffee
on a saturday morning
sweet and divine
and nothing short of perfection

it was surrounded by endless birdsong
and delicate snowdrops
and frozen fingertips, clinging to one another
for warmth and protection

the closeness that can only be described
as something that is more extraordinary
than anything in the movies
or your dreams

a sense of belonging that you can't find
anywhere but her
her heart my home and her mind my
safety, away from the harm of the world

a soul so beautiful
my old romantic poetry books couldn't
even begin to compare
to this

she was perfect
                    she is perfect
I loved her
                    I love her

laying beside you
paying very close attention
to the way your chest
          s
        e
      s
    i
  r

and

  f
     a
        l
           l
              s

so delictaely

and the way you toss and turn
so elegantly in your slumber

your eyes shut tight
your lips half open
and i just
want
to
kiss
you

There is an empty bitterness
which is sustained here.
One can't help but feel helpless
as loved ones inhale fear
and exhale possible precious breaths.

The "too clean" smell intrudes the senses,
and nervous flickers arise
as the waiting room fills with tensions.
People think of their goodbyes
just in case the worst news comes.

But then there is the expecting room,
which is a hopeful place.
"Baby is coming soon!"
"Come see her pretty face!"

And yet amidst the joy and excitement,
there are still those who don't
receive all they dreamt of,
and perhaps are unable to receive it.

Perhaps they will end up
in the other
room
sooner than expected.

Whatever you do,
Don't fall in love
With loveless boys.

The boys who stay awake
Until 4 am taking long drags
On cigarettes and blowing
The smoke into the wind.

The boys who down bottles
Of whiskey at a time and
Wipe their mouths with their
Sleeves, eyeing you from
Across the room as they do.

The boys who frequent
Alleyways and rooftops
And libraries because
They are anything but
Ordinary.

The boys who watch you
Fall in love with them and
Don't feel a **** thing
For you as you do.

I fell for a boy.

with hair long and eyes blue

And he never knew

   the hold he had on me

even when I told him this truth

I fell for a boy.

who told me my god was not real

and left me questioning

what to feel

I fell for a boy.

who left me in tears

He hurt me like hell

Sobs he would never hear

I fell for a boy.

who cut his hair later that year

But I still whisper “you’re beautiful”

soft enough he cannot hear

I fell for a boy.

who has a soul

instead of a heart

but there’s a hole,

where that heart once was

I fell for a boy.

who’s my best friend

who loses my number

and likes my female companion

I fell for a boy.

who I would give the world

but from him

I still receive scorn

I fell for a boy

who has feelings he never shows

and knows not

how much I know

I fell for a boy.

who hates poetry and deep things

and I know he doesn’t care

for that part of me

I fell for a boy.

who leaves me feeling confused

yet I have not the courage

to express to him this abuse