The ink in my veins seems to have run dry.
Circulation problems, maybe.
My soul is desperate to write,
but the pen isn't working,
and I'm left to make blank indentations
on a scrap of tattered paper.

Paint my eyes with rich black kohl
Butterfly eyelashes
Heavy with fakery
My skin like porcelain;
Every freckle masked, every expression hidden
Lips stained scarlet
Doll-like and wide eyed
The emotion playing across my face carefully chosen
To make you believe what i will you to
I can keep every soul out, stay mint-condition, so to speak
Only if i pretend hard enough
Only if i am perfect

China skin
Ivory,
Blushing delicate rose at the apple of my cheeks
Late nights and an excess of alcohol gone
Leaving a porcelain mask
Freckles, normally multiplying exponentially in the summer
Frozen in an eternal spring, not yet brought out by sun
Not yet spread in continents across my face
Hair, glossy and spilling into curls down my back
Tendrils resting waist-length
Flesh cool to touch,
Not marred or marked or scarred
Pulse stilled under my pale, pale neck
Close the casket, and I am preserved
In a 7 by 2 world unchanged by time
With a finality that will outlive any legacy I left behind

My hands,
Flightless birds with parchment skin,
marked with scars, glowing white.
They turn blue when the weather is cold.
The old wives say to look for men
with hard-working scars on their palms.
But what of a woman with marked hands?

Should I speak with velocity
As I claim to leak veracity?
Share a fair stare leads to “harassing me”
Silence holds a gold ferocity
But platinum resides inside a travesty
Yet the origins of this casualty
Was not the first fatality
It's birth was an idea, you see?
Are you sick of this this hostility?
Is your health a grim variety?
Failed to conform to propriety?
Here's an inferno “Oh no, a monstrosity!”
So why chastise my morality?
Must I despise and note your deformity?
Lead covered gold is not a new novelty
But somehow chaos seems so orderly

Cheat on Death with Immortality
Sleep with Lust for chastity
Uniqueness is another banality
Copy/pasted originality
Experience this eternal finality
Our follies are a great mentality
Your demise is your vitality
Real life is surreality
Feign the truth with validity
Pride upon your humility
Rust brags of lost durability
Insomniacs thrive restlessly
If you engage in logomachy
Then you'll love this: sophomachy
“Who's more manly?” Phallomachy
“Let's do what's right!” Hypocrisy

We act like we have modesty
But we boast of prowess internally
“Maybe if I work with integrity,
They might notice, and appreciate me”
Work too hard? Liability
Conned her heart? Lie-ability
Honesty at start? Futility
Torn apart? Utilize utility
Day dream REM stage: Insanity
Sanitize with rage: Calamity
Perhaps it's a phase: Therapy
Live like “good ol' days” regretfully
Raze a raised loving family
Tame their ways with amnesty
And watch them break their identity
Of perfection tainted in fidelity

Are our minds just a cavity?
Uprising against the gravity
Speak high of low society
Think I'm crazy? Analyze me
A grave cradling a memory
Of each ill-fated ideology
We die for our biology
Pyromania is the new cryology

Without hope
what do we have
no matter how low we are
if we believe we can rise
we will

But what happens hope traps us
when the hope is false
when the hope I have that someday soon
You’ll see that you belong with me
keeps me from moving on
Prevents me from loving others
When the hope that I can make you happy
is destroying my own happiness

When hope turns to self deceit
When hope becomes part of your unintentional manipulation
When hope, once the one thing I lived for
is driving me mad
slowly killing me

I drive fast
faster than I know I should
I do so for the thought of death
makes me feel alive
Because a waist of time is a waist of breath

I stare at the scarf she hung
around my rear view mirror
and I think of her driving
her refusal to wear her seat belt
Even after she slammed into that fence
and almost killed herself  because that seat belt
was not there to prevent her from being hurled into wind shield

I drive fast even after I slammed into that tree
The tree that would of been avoided
had I not been 40 above the speed limit
going around those hair pin turns

Driving fast and reckless
forces her into my mind
restores my fading connection to her
she makes me feel alive
she is no waist of breath

If every atom of my being was once that of another
and when i die
they will become atoms of another
than i have had near infinite lives
and will have nearly infinite more

if my conscious
is formed by chemical signals in my brain
each chemical made of atoms
atoms shared between beings
than my conscious is made of others
and others will be made of mine

since no matter, no energy
is created nor destroyed
than my energy and the matter of my body
is constructed of the universe
and all being’s energy and matter
is constructed of the universe

I am one with this universe
we are all one with this universe
every bit of my conscious
is one with the universe
all consciousness
is one with the universe
my body and all bodies are one with the universe