from my eyes,

it slowly trickles down

just wipe it from your face

dont smear it all around

and whats up with this place

the ceilings caving in

I try to escape

but theres something happenin

with the black

from my sight

darkness fading in

black from my eyes

needles and the pins

she quickly struggles out

shes seen it in her dreams

like the black from my eyes

engulfing every sin

blistered
heed what i speak
destroy
what it is you seek
adoration
drown it in a sea
deliberation
over who it is that's you
suffocation
that must be the key

a moment of clarity
an elegant mentality
*******
with the greatest of sincerity

I lost you
we were waged in war
calm your nerves, it was tug o war
nevertheless... I was drafted
and they won

you were the prize
yet again

so yes I lose, ground stole my eyes
shaking my head
taking my seat on the bench
tell me something new

you lost me too,
you lost me too...

but why was I forced to fight?

peace...
at last

vanquished is our past
in arms but without yours

I came into this world
specifically vague
devoid of any character
just like you.

they stole the color from my world
and tried to sell me the gray
slowly my likeness began to emerge
roughly through

but that's just me being
vaguely specific.

You left me here to decay
I took it the usual way...
broke down with angst and dismay

nevertheless

I've learned the errors of my ways
you taught me great
to never settle for less
or rather

overcompensate

so I'm picking up my life
from the worse of my days
I had forgotten reality
persuaded by your haze


my excuse was that I enjoyed being used
a denial of my faith

you confused my morals
manipulated my nature
made it hard for me to relate

blasted unarguable fate

so while I'm stuck in the present
I am obliged to say
that I have nothing to be sorry over
you were always my priority A

and now I'm reorganizing.

here it goes...

this is a poem
that no one knows
of what i speak

my life it disintegrates

falls down to my feet
i try harder everyday
than most can say

yet nothing works
they flip on me

and if i could explain
my troubled brain
I would exclaim...
this is the nature of me

I would exclaim...
because all i have to say is...

please don't go away
and no one wants to hear that out of me

but it comes out as the opposite
the chemicals' embrace

and you take it the wrong way...
and i say it to your face (unfortunately)

and although you might say hey...
hes self aware...

his long hair hides his face!

I would have to tell you to retrace...
because this poem is a true story
and I'm a fool to the world...
or so they say

there's nothing to worry about here
my demons every seconds wake
and they haunt me so
I must escape

decisions decisions... they cloud my brain
to make the wrong ones and go insane

debate debate

arguing fate

a misunderstanding
have you no shame?

to leave me alone
when my hours are years
and my years are merely days...
how much more of this can i take?

what no one knows
is that failure...
is my fate

this condition isnt me...
im trapped in a cage
life is the crazy one
and I

I can't complain...
no really I CAN'T
every second is my last

or so it may

I never asked for your help...
I don't need it
but everyone needs company
I won't repeat it

so tell me babe
is it me that you crave?
you don't know me that well
estranged

so yea...
you can pity me
and treat me as a slave
or think you get away..
but me sweetheart
you came and left me the same

its not my brain...
im not... my brain
I'm just good
good company

the kind that remains

mirror mirror that is my wall
tell me why you have trapped my soul

cliche after cliche I'll break them all
just like my fist broke your face

but I couldn't see you cry
the pain let me know you were hurt though

and the red
I smeared it all over my hands
picking out the pieces of glass
attentively whispering out
you love me... you love me not
you love me...

you don't ******* love me
you don't feel anything!
you are 2 dimensional

a fine line between
glass and paint

but it will take a miracle of
equivocal proportions
to the heat required
to birth glass from sand

to break free the hold
you trapped me in

what have you done?
little one...

what have I done?

What the point is if you read this?
if i had written it on a piece of paper

What the point is: is in front of you...
crumple it, burn it with a zippo

What the point is if I touched you
figuratively, metaphorically, emotionally?

As the thoughts leave my fingertips
I wave goodbye to the pen, my pal
my long lost friend

What the point is is words on white
staring back at the author
with an audience of one

What the point is?
if you never read it...
if you never intend

What the point is?
if i never receive it...
What is the?

point...

I dance with my shadow
headphones in of course
I'm not dead I'm alive
remembering my ghost

the kid i once was, fearless
so heres a toast:
the people
they judge me
and their shadows

neglected by their host

I remembered why
skipping down the street
I call it art from life
and they call me absurd,
condescending
incomplete
but even my shadow
gets lonely
and needs a shadow most

a companion with which to coast

What have i become?
a throw of the dice
nonchalant mr.vice
casual & causal
but spare me the price
would you...

life is unpredictable
and I
a spectacle
through me
the suns ray
setting flame to my schedule

this cannot last for very long
depleted
no fuel to move on
insomnia's run its coarse
and its only getting worse

Who will i become?
the father from a son?
i know of what you seek
make bread from a crumb
...so to speak

paper mache however
is not concrete
but that's just me

being discreet

"If life was a deck of cards then I would be your joker.
The excuse or the exception?
The fool in Tarot Nouveau
still mastered the lute."

I inscribed this into my desk with a dagger
before i killed the atmospheric tension

it was the **** amber surrounding the lamp
dimming the room with its comforting embrace
it was the smoke that suffocated me with its imagery
perfectly juxtaposed in front of the light fossilized in the lamp shade
resulting in a perfect minimal pair
made my lungs feel as empty and hollow as
the imagery burned into my eyes

such a beautiful meaningless apathy
thoughts to you do not belong
still singing the same sad song

"I might as well be trapped between ink and paper
this undying thought that I betray to savor
(I can convince you love, of many- a flavor;
beauty's never been kind to my human nature)"

I then walked over to the indirect cause of my pain
crushed the bulb in my hand...
and cold on the floor i lay
glass in my red hands stay
blood as thick as the ink in my veins

so to you a wild card i'll remain
but dont fret my dear audience i'm to blame
see its a beautiful broken i cant explain
a white room syndrome
you cannot tame.

you see, the joker never gets played in the game

these words
once so tightly knit together
will randomly start to fall
not to get it off my chest
but instead to draw

a black tear
on white face
will not do...

sewing your lips shut
to get the best of you
she'll try to take the beauty from the verse
call it hers
change your prose to lack worth

and  honestly im too caught up
fighting the words to be bothered
especially with your...

MASQUERADE

said the mime with a wink
"I always preferred charades"
as Houdini taught him
how to unshackle
but she could never teach him how
to breathe out of his mouth

and so he drowned
and she called it silencing poetry
her greatest escape yet

My eyes
are burning right now
but the tears are empty inside

fragile as glass
they hit my cheek and they shatter
into a million diamonds,

WHY?
must you always be the thorn that's
painfully, stuck in, my side?

and WHY?
must you always betray me
and promise me that you are shy

or I should say innocent
is there ever an end to the

argument of the hemorrhage
the hemorrhage of
"I'm sorry I lied"

I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU AGAIN!
HEAR YOU SAY "SORRY I LIED!"

and now that I know who
you've changed me to
inside

these shards of glass forever lost,
haunt my wounds in my skin,
and the deeper they sink
the more they confirm
its your pride.

to add insult to injury
they make me able to feel

however its only temporary
some would even call it
some-times

while my "face" is  left bleeding at the thought of how
carefully designed
the thought itself is
to remind me how

this is metacommunication,
but i know you dont believe me,
it really wasn't up to me,
and you'll never leave me

I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it was
all
up
to
my
MIND!

MIND!

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!

but i tried
and my heart will break and subside,
pouring and/or spilling like acid
I swear

it's just like
the red sea
except a crimson river
filled with sin
parted way way back,
since biblical times.

and you my dear
will forever be
men-a-cing
menacing
a thorn in my side

forever a scar in the memory of
forever a scar in the memory of my mind
repeated over again so as to make sure that
I will never find

that the real reason why
I can never decide
is because you never wanted me to

you only wanted happiness however,

and as you walked away you said, "I'm sorry to you"
you said, "I'm sorry i lied...
we could spend forever pointing fingers
ending up with nothing every single time
you said two wrongs will never make a right"

but there's no such thing as right and wrong
there's only how you feel inside

you said, "I'm sorry i lied... I'm sorry you  cried
its just that
I forgot to mention this one little aspect
where i only care about me..

myself...


and I.

I!!!!!!

I!!!!!!

ME!, MYSELF!, AND I!!!!!!!!!

There was once an explorer, with one thing on his mind
He searched through a sea of sand, time after time
Ever looking for his treasure divine

He seemed to have one thing on his mind
Ever looking for his treasure divine
And repetition awoke his blind
Rest your soul, the chest he did find
Though still emptyhanded, there was nothing inside

I am white, and you
you are the absence of light

you are the word nothing

how can we claim what does not exist?

the nerve...

I had this dream yesterday...
it was as if the world was one huge building with only hall ways,
no rooms...

and everyone was racing through these hallways in a stampede
going nowhere...

complete and utter chaos, no one had morals
adults trampled over children to get ahead
and nothing

made any sense

a piece of candy could do crazy things
and anything you imagined was real
and the world's existence itself
was fathomed up by my subconscious mind

which leads me to believe that the actual world
was the dream itself

this dream is definitely a metaphor that my sleeping brain wrote

a poem called a dream
using a pen dipped
in my perception of reality

forward is the concept to understand here

time, an old enemy of mine

and should this hate subside...

I would move forward

like a pawn to queen behind enemy lines

one day
I'll be in heaven
looking down past my feet,
through the glass ceiling
and when I see you
I'll fog it up with my breath
and write you a message
saying

"wish you were here"

your happy is my sad,
my happy is without you
your sad is pa-thetic

and my sad,
is beautiful.

I used to think i wanted hot
hot is never what it seems
dont get me wrong it was fun for a while
but beauty is what i pursue now
nothing is superficial with you
...you are so rare

so rare
infact

I dont know you

yet, beautiful.

I'll always be a broken heart,
cause I promise I would never break yours.
Even death couldn't keep us apart,
give up my life if life happens to take yours.

I'll always be a broken heart,
cause I promise I would never break yours.
Our love isn't two whole hearts...
Our love is two broken ones.

Even death couldn't keep us apart

one day* I will find you, not knowing it is the best day of my life
one day you will find me, and you can push my back off this knife
one day we will find each other, and that day will never end
one day you will find yourself, you, your long lost friend
one day I will find myself, me, resurrected once again
one day we will find ourselves, standing opposite of our reflection
one day there will be no need for recollections
*one day...

I'll miss you when I find the time
I'll warm you after making you cold inside
and with only my shadow to accompany you while you hide
I'll come to rip off the iscicles from underneath your eye

I'll start caring when I've left you behind
I'll recognize you after pushing you aside
and with only my scent left there to remind
I'll come to steal the air in which it resides

I won't even think of you when releasing a sigh
I'll neglect you like the blood I could not provide
and with only my sin to comfort you while you cry
I'll drown it with love, and your heart wont survive.

I'll save you after I've cut your only tie
I'll promise you but it'd just be a lie
and I'll leave without providing a reason why
I'll share life with you after you have died.

I'll love you when it's too late to try

This music is bringing me closer to you
I've never felt this with such amplitude

I work my way over, striving to learn how
To embrace you
To be one with you

As if bound by unmasterable chords

I want a symphonic relationship
You say, "no strings attached"

But i want those strings
Those stubborn strings

You refuse to speak to me
You do not squander such a rare voice

I know of your distorted intentions
You think, "don't play me"

But dont fret my auburn beauty
For I will be musically inclined
To loving you

What do you get? A man
born wise of the world?

material wealth need not apply
who's less not a necessity
who's concept of life he knew solely
was but one.

What do you get? A man
with no lies to deny
no truths left behind
who has all the right people
in all the right places at all the right times

What do you get? A man
whose riches countless
yet symbolize not a single digit
who spends his whole life
in his last single moment

What do you get? A man
who knows problems none
if its an ultimatum he gave you
to either go or stay?
care or shun?
rhetorical question:

What do you get this man for his birthday?
the ability to have it the way he wants?
the ability to change things he cannot?
Is it the ability to open up a sack of bones
and fill it with love?

What do you get the richest man for his birthday?
cause he has the sun and the moon
when its all said and done
and theres nothing left...
.


the ability to have fun

I'm taking the time out to say
that over the years my hair will gray

so long as this wisdom wise
fails compromise

so long as the promise lies
fails remise

so long as our love cries

I'm taking the time out to say
that over the years our hair will gray


Despite the way I feel today.

I can’t unhinge my jaw
this hot flame I use to thaw
this static welded smile
seems to be worthwhile

a claustrophobic malevolence
an unarguable irrelevance
i wish it were thread instead
the world’s painful decadence

my mouth sewed shut
my heart bleeds fire
a tear of truth
with my valenSMILE.