His lips smile
    We laugh for hours
          He has dimples and
               Beautiful blue eyes.
I feel like he is shy
     Quiet
          He seems ashamed
               For a second
                    Then he tells me timidly
                         He has aspergers.
I smile,
     My fingers gingerly curled
          My nails resting on his beard.
I take a deep breath
     I offer to help him
          He wants to kiss me
                He is afraid
                     He doesn't know how.
I close my eyes
     Shy
         Take his face in my hands
               Press my closed mouth
                  Against his
                       As his lower lip trembles.
It's over.
     We hug.
         Then we laugh
                He says
"Now that I have practiced, let's do it again."

He kisses me.
     I had a lovely time.
             We laughed
                   We kissed
                       For hours.

Watch
The snowflakes fall hard
Strip until
You are naked

Step outside
You feel nothing
The cold lives
Inside you

Your hips sway
Your eyes close
Your arms above your head
Reaching
Into the silence
Until you feel
The thinness

You
Are
Lost
Disappearing into
The frozen wind

Sometimes I miss you
I roll over when I wake up
You are never there.
I open my eyes after crying
You are never there.

I sing you songs,
Can you hear me?
You are never here.
I eat so slowly,
Can you tell I am waiting?

My bed is empty,
My stomach is angry,
My heart is jaggedly cut,
I look beautiful on the outside-
My shoulders hunching forward
Hiding the jut of bones that peep from my skin.
You are never here,
But I am waiting.

Sometimes I wonder
Is this
Life's new version of
A Christmas Carol
And this life I am living
Is the ghost of Christmas future?

Can't I wake up
Roll over,
Hold you close.
Tell you I love you,
Apologise for not
Getting you help.
Tell you I listened
And you would never let me go.

One hundred days and I fly away.
I will be so far away
But you
You are never here.