As a child on a beach
Shoveling moats to the kingdom
And as the waves to the sand
You scooped me up.

My heart is like the shells of the sea
vacant from previous owners,
Wandering lost in undertows,
Trying to find a ground to settle.

Perhaps you want not to own me.
Or drag me down with tides
Maybe you want to keep me…
You might think I’m a treasure.

Just please be careful, be careful with me…
For wealth need not be measured
But if I’m not worthy of your shelf
Throw me back, throw me back
To the sea.

…trust me, I’ll be free.

Have you ever seen roadkill
And think- oh **** did it know?
A fleeting chance and - BAM!
It’s gone.

I think of that a lot.

I think for a fleeting moment-
That poor thing!
Second thought:
How lucky am I?
That I get to continue living.

…But third thought,
hmm…is it better off?
Is that strange?

Maybe.

That’s the course of life.

The catch here is that there is none.
I’m trembling writing this
Because I know I wrote part 1.
I’m just as clueless as you.

The loss, that is true.
The loss of what you cannot lose.
The loss of humanity is eminent.

I’m trying to hold on.
My mind is held in limbo
The lines of truth are blurring
I know I’m not the first to feel this.

You tell yourself somehow
Life. Will. Change.
YOU. WILL. CHANGE
Fear is always plotting.

Yet, here we are
No recognition of what
Or how we can claim
Some sort of relief.

Banging on the walls
Of systems that won’t fall
Doing injustices to all
This is not our home.

I digress…I won’t give up.
And I sure as hell
Won’t let them speak to
Me that way.

My grandmother is a WW2 firecracker
I take in all her knowledge.
Even in her last days
She wishes she got a tattoo
A laced butterfly. I laugh.

She is progressive.
That gives me a sliver of hope
We can break grounds
Move buildings
Make right.

It’s a butterfly effect after all.

Let me lead with “The Catch”
The idea of life unlike we planned
The life that all humans fear
The catch is that it all can crumble.

It is the loss you never thought
A beautiful life stripped from the ground.
Climbing through rubble - confused -
When there, before, was a home.

Uncertainty lies the path
Every stone, every mile, every breath.
To which point is it over?
To where can we now rest?

A hand is worth a thousand
Miles we’ve regressed
With minds that block
And tick then talk,
How can we not detest?

Your birthday, as you say
Is just a ******* day
For me, love, it is worth celebrating.

I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, love.
You are- you. You are (happy tears).
The one that makes me feel -
If the world ends, I’d find you.
Whatever that may be-
I know, you’d find me.
I’m with you.
I’m with you.
I would never give you up.

I won’t wary on any of this
Because we all are going through it.

All I can say right now is…
That I wish I had wings
Something I can use to -
Take me from the wreck beneath me.
Something to show me more perspective.

…
I’m afraid I am absorbing too much
of what is fed to me, constantly.
Through the screen.
Through too much conversation.

shallowing my thoughts.

I am not owned by a God.
I would love to know we have one.
Human remains.
Remains is how they’ll find us.

Mother Earth is so powerful
She will spit us out
If we continue to deny…

The whole truth…
And nothing but the truth…
So help me…

The trees seem fuller
Where you remember
Old Life, old love, happiness.
Why do I feel empty?

The grass rolls with a purpose
Little satellites graze on lawns
Tin roofs groove into hills
… I feel so alone.

You share your world
Like you were a soldier from war
Talking of what was, and, who was…
I listen as a spectator out of frame.

Funny how you thought this trip could
Bring us closer- points of reference.
Though instead of creating new memories,
I’m watching you retrace the old.

I love you, I love you, I love you -
Why does that suddenly lose meaning?
Is it me or is it us?
Is it me? Is it me? Is it you?

Nothing while we walk the trail
You barely speak, I barely feel
There’s no doubt it is beautiful,
But you’ve walked this trail before.

You are as fantastic as you remember.
You led the pack, laid down the law.
You remind me in every minute,
You were King of everything.

I love you, I love you, I love -
I can’t lose this feeling -
As if I’m holding the portrait
Of a life you cannot part with.

You speak of processes -
While I hang on branches - sloping
Heavy from the rain.
Your words beating on my shoulder.

I zone farther away - - -
Focusing on the tapping of the leaves
I wonder - If they were chimes,
What would they sound like?

I suddenly feel an impulse to run.
I don’t need shelter - answers.
To the swirling questions in my head-
What was it again you needed from me?
And - Why am I here?