heavy sighs return once more
darkness prevails at day
still clandestine it must stay
for if i faced an inquisition
i'd be revealed a jester-
the sighs mechanical
& the darkness ephemeral.

what ever may be,
the sighs, however soft
& the darkness, however long
are rooted so deeply
fear and anger alone
keeping me alive & feeling.

aiming directionless indiscretion
hitting what was layed before us
as if that be what we desired
all along.

who are we when there lay
nothing before us and
what may we spearhead in
land not blazen for us

will we ever know?
i don't think so.

deep in the abyss
of the tether
lives a little girl
beautiful as ever
her eyes affixed
on each passing gaze
as she wonders
what a heavenly play

a calf safely caged
under his mother
as they share
the company of
one another.
supple and grazed.

the curtain draws
and the roles are called
now she’s awakened
to all the horrors

calf’s branded veal
and his mother dairy
it’s suddenly turned
truth so scary.

stormy weather-
my consolation company
i feel at home
even knowing
without you
i'm all alone.
more so than i
thought i was
before i took you
selfishly
for complacence.

as the river rushes to the sure sea
meeting up at tributaries
&
as the earth travels through breeze
circling round leaves of strawberry
&
as the birds lay
on a warm summer day
so merry
&
as lambs graze
leaves of grass
singing tunes
of this too shall pass
- - -
truth & perfection
can be surely known
when you find yourself
at the intersection

the seasons used to turn in quick succession
constantly captivating attention
each had a name and place to be
each had a friend and something to see.

the season here slowly meanders
between peaks and shoulders
and shoulders and peaks
which is which? it's hard to speak.

where do i fit within your will?
why do i seek constant thrill?
how much longer until i am ill?
what do i hear? it sounds so shrill.
to know the answers, what must i ****?
maybe that's the destiny- i must fulfill.

i have never been
the shy type
hiding behind
books and glasses
escaping to the day
i'm whisked away
into a whirlwind romance

i have never been
the life of the party
drawing everyone's gaze
magnetic and vibrant
as i dance with
a stranger on the
table

i have never been
the proper primrose
with neatly
stacked shelves
of all my
accomplishments

i have only been
the shapeless one
fading into the background
belonging to no one
with failure as my shadow
trying to make it another day
toward my tombstone

in the moon clad morning
it's cold and the dew
readies its departure from
the leaves it clings to.

i'm cold and like the dew
i too ready myself
to leave and be on my way

away from this nest
that broke me as a fledgling &
clipped my wings so i can never
go too far hard as i may try.

& I may try
but still too I'm here
looking for pieces
of my wings
that fail me every flight.

like the wayward moon
and the woodwind tune,
i too fell in love with having
a life that has gone too soon

an idle mind begets
bitter fruits
and idle hands
yield no loot
- - -
slowly decaying
mimicking the idleness
of a corpse &
i long for something
that i cannot pinpoint
- - -
what is the remedy
for my eternal boredom
that's not quite
a tragedy?

console me
& just hold me
don't tell me i'm wrong
'cause i know i am

please
just let me cry
in your arms
while you hold me
like a child

i know it's my fault
i don't deny that
but for once,
please
just hold me
- - -
i'm pleading.
while my heart's
still beating

guidance, guidance,
all i need is guidance.
tell me how to be-
to free me from this
free fall.

falling, falling,
i'm trying to stop falling.
how do i grasp
at any railing
when it always turn
away from my calling?
every banister along the way
rejects my plead & pray.

praying, praying
still i stay praying
hail mary's & tat vam asi's
which i think
i'm trying to see?
& to resist the
warm embrace
calling me home
back into deceit & desire.

deception, deception
everywhere is deception.
i'm still trying to discern
without becoming burned
wishing i had guidance
to lead me with
what they've learned.

the sun shines by me
on its way
across the sky
as if to say hello
& remind me that
i have not moved.

it peeks through
the same window
that i longingly
stare for lady Luna
when she dances
with her friend
Celeste.

sparkling
in the night stage
as they illuminate
the passing clouds
that whisper
sweet chills
to each other
and down my spine.

I watch the night
madrigals pirouette
as they form legends
on their screen
while my neighbors
are fast asleep
under this glorious
machine.

Chris and Abby
young loved together
a love like no other
akin to Annabel and her Lee
but two years down the line
they became history

Abby never stopped loving
him and his symphony.
lonely and heart broken
Abby grew cold
she learned to tell no lies
until that's all she became

years down the line
Abby still wonders
what became of her
long-lost lover

she remembers the innocent
way they spoke and
misses the constant company
he gave her

she remembers he loved
drinking Monster
and that for a while
he became that to her
- - -
heartbreak fades
and most of all
she wonders if
she'll ever have
the magic of her
first true love
again

i don't want
to watch you bleed
i just wish
you helped me succeed

open the history books
& dive right in.
live between the lines
of what they called sin.

see the secret language
spoken with love.
in the name of peace and justice:
know what must be won.

there comes a moment
when the printer lags-
but it's waiting for you
to choose what's had.

now paint the pages we'll read in our futures,
write the songs to be sung in tomorrow's lectures.
the colors and melodies are of your choosing
but don't forget the wise old, saying:
our children reap
their parents' sowings.

climb up the ladder
to the summit of privilege
there's no freedom found here
except at the ledge

reach out your hand
for someone to grab it
lift them up to stand
beside you, they're sunlit.

when i lay awake
by the bay window
facing the ocean
that ripples the
reflection of the
moon above

i wonder why we
spend all our lives
crying false cries
at walls and lies

when we can escape
to the ocean
or the mountains
where mother earth
shows us how beautiful
she can be.

then i remember
its a luxury for
those who steal from others
or descended from thieves
that are worthy
of seeing her beauty.

the rest of us
have to settle
for the daisies
and day dreams
to remind ourselves
of her majesty.

bridge between lands  
though ages it stands  
conquered and divided  
whenever will this strife end?  
  
mount the Sinai just to see  
port ships charting their courses
for snakes to feed
on its rich resources.  
  
it is but a peninsula  
to be used as a bridge  
while watching the cinema  
with equal leverage  
  
the light and the glory  
our hearts must fill  
not stuck in our heads  
fighting over God's will  
  
who divinely bestowed  
for kin and for foe  
instead it's become  
a playground of 
perennial sorrow

silver-lining
silhouette
cabriolé in the
lavender-grey
clouds
- - -
she was kissed
by the sun
and he watched her
pas de basque
-

they call it
a spark of joy
- - -
whatever it is,
it stands no
chance to light up my
waves of darkness

paralyzed,
escaping,
running through pixels
& always chasing

all while still climbing the ladder
not the one you think
i'm just looking for what I need
which i know is nothing at all

constantly clawing my way
up to a new hole
never quite feeling
completely whole

saddened. it's maddening
why?
still don't know
it can't be the sad songs
that stay beautiful
is it an excuse?
or is it karmic debt?

somewhere
in a building set ablaze
stand steadfast
then the silent breath obeys.
in goes smoke
out comes divine praise-
trusting & trying,
to see through the haze.

walls around crumble
the scaffolding too
yet still i remain
to see the worthy view

counting on blessings-
one and many names
wanting so badly
to understand your claims.

all around this crimson fire
i deeply wish to have no desire
both in this building and on a pyre
yet in the end i find myself
nothing but insane & a liar.
.
.
.

false gods and earthly idols  
work til their very last breath.  
in the name of ideals  
until the hour of their death.  
  
beyond their own  
selves and kin.
alike, alone
they seek to win.  
  
imitations and embodiments  
in every walking word.  
maintaining  sacred covenant  
eyes open or closed.  
  
not seeking nor taking  
gaze affixed and contemplating  
the fruits in this game  
they're divinely playing.  
  
the real beholders  
granting sparkles of light.
young or older  
they never lose sight.  
  
from the garden of eve  
to the empire of machines  
steadfast and heavenly  
even in these tragic schemes  
  
where most are bewildered  
and fascinated by successors  
they watch as it unfolds  
increasingly unfiltered.  
  
power becomes play  
as we appoint ourselves  
with all of earth  
free for perch on shelves.  
- - -  
through it all they stay unshaken  
while collectively we traverse  
resolute, not forsaken  
across this mundane universe.

i am a glass jar
filled to the brim
with broken
glass shards
- - -
whole
on the outside
holding the
broken
on the inside

in a rare moment
where i put down the shovel
and pick up the reins
i feel a little less hopeless
even through my struggles.
- - -
is this another
fleeting phantom
that goes in vain
or is this it-
the end of pain?

comes
without
warning.

when oh when
will i ever
get over it?

awake and weary
that my feet may fail me
across the grand prix
finish line
that i wont get to
in time
&
time again i try
yet failure seems not
to evade me
at every turn
at every corner
how long until
i try no longer?